Wife accused of cheating, denies it...

double_mummy

some people are just mad and dont want others to be happy when they arent

marisco_2

duchy wrote: »

I think you need to sort yourself out before you do any further damage to your marriage and drive your wife into having the affair you are so sure she's having.

I don't think that statement gives either the OP or his wife any credit, and is actually quite offensive to a woman who is very clearly committed to her marriage. It would appear she doesn't agree with you, or she wouldn't have been so open and honest with everyone not just the OP, since these allegations came to light. Nor would she be working so hard at making their marriage work.

shegirl

nebakanezer wrote: »

Here goes, my wife and I have been together 13 years, married for 6, and were childhood sweethearts. After school we didn't see eachother for a few years and she had a little boy to a guy who treated her quite badly, at 21 we met again and have been together ever since, I am extremely close to her son and we have a 7 year old little girl too, we were also born within 5 days of eachother in the same hospital. Our relationship has always had a 'meant to be' feeling about it and we've always loved eachother very much and trusted eachother with our lives.

Anyway over the last year perhaps we've gotten a little complacent and to people from the outside it might not look like we're as close. She goes to her friends a bit during the week (who I'm also quite close to) and I play a little golf, and she likes to go out some weekends too, I also go out but quite rarely.

So about 3 months ago my brother tells me he needs to speak to me about her. Through his wife he's heard that a few people have seen her 'kissing' men in bars or whatever, I was crushed, but kind of didn't believe it, when I told my wife she nearly fell off her chair, and totally denied it. I told my brother and he said that's fine and it's enough for him. Unfortunately it wasn't enough for my sister in law and she bombarded me with all sorts of accusations and said I must be deluded if I believed my wife.

Now you have to understand the sort of person my sister in law is, her family are extremely arrogant, very shallow, hugely opinionated, and a self confessed control freak. She thought that my wife must be doing something wrong my spending time away from the house, even though me and my son watch football so she nips to her friends, we text all night, and I text her friend too just jokes and stuff. She dragged up things from my wife's past to make it more believable, she also accused her of staying out, my wife has never stayed away from home. Things with our family got really messy.

My wife and I have maintained a healthy sexual relationship and almost religiously have sex when she comes in from a night out, and on the nights she's been accused. I said it was gossip and that infuriated my sister in law and she got a couple of the people she'd spoken to to contact me and say they'd seen something.

These instances were in local pubs where my friends were and saw nothing. These people are fairly well known gossips/liars/troublemakers, and they're not friends with my wife although know her. Our group of friends, and the people my wife goes out with, who I'm very close to and she met through me, are absolutely gobsmacked by all this.

For 3 months my wife has shown absolutely no sign of guilt, looked me in the eye and told me she's done nothing wrong. And although been sympathetic, she certainly hasn't begged me to believe her or anything.

Now you maybe thinking by what I've said, that I'm answering my own questions, but that's the rational me talking. The irrational, overthinking me is torturing myself, I'm so deeply hurt and it might all be for nothing, I know what my sister in law is like, and I know how easy it is for people to lie, but I can't get these awful thoughts out of my head, she became so he'll bent on incriminating my wife, and exaggerated everything, that she had no idea the damage she was doing to me.

All of mine and my wife's friends believe her, she's told her parents she's not done anything, she's told my parents, doctors, psychologists (we've both needed them) and everyone just accepts what she says, some people know her well enough not to even ask her, they just know, so why can't I? I've always been a real thinker and it's led to a bit of anxiety in the past so it's mostly that I suppose.

I should also mention that my sister in law, and her father have both had affairs in the past.

Anyway we're very much in love and trying really hard to make things work but it's hard, and if she is telling the truth, then she's as much a victim as I am, if not, she's some kind of psychopath, hope someone can help me, or has maybe had a similar experience, there's bits more to it but that's the main story, thanks

Ok.I'll be blunt

You sil says your wife has been kissing men.
She says others have seen her.
Your wife has been sympathetic rather than !!!!ed off,hating you,avoiding you and not letting you touch her through lack of trust.No she is just jolly well fine with your asking if she's cheating and sympathises with you instead!

Which part of that seems normal?

shegirl

Hmm,ok I've now read the rest of the thread and cannot decide.

Either way,I cannot for the life of me understand why your wife is so tolerant and will let you anywhere near her!

globetraveller

nebakanezer wrote: »

, and we're going to portugal next week and I've bought her a nice ring by way of apology for not trusting her right from the beginning

but you don't trust her! Don' t give her the ring until you mean it

nebakanezer

shegirl wrote: »

Ok.I'll be blunt

You sil says your wife has been kissing men.
She says others have seen her.
Your wife has been sympathetic rather than !!!!ed off,hating you,avoiding you and not letting you touch her through lack of trust.No she is just jolly well fine with your asking if she's cheating and sympathises with you instead!

Which part of that seems normal?

No, she's pretty !!!!ed off, and far from jolly well fine with me asking

AbbieCadabra

shegirl wrote: »

Hmm,ok I've now read the rest of the thread and cannot decide.

Either way,I cannot for the life of me understand why your wife is so tolerant and will let you anywhere near her!

Because wife knows it's lies & just SIL causing trouble, it means nothing so carry on as normal & don't let it effect her because SIL really isn't worth it. Possibly?

Regarding pmt, i can get this really badly sometimes & i can well imagine losing it & saying something really hurtful if my buttons were being pressed.

I'm going with the ignore SIL option from what you've said OP, hope you can work through this mess.

nebakanezer

And she stopped being sympathetic a while ago

SailorSam

I think if the OPs wife was having an affair she'd be a bit more careful than kiss people in pubs where people know her.
Op i'd want a lot more evidence before listening to some rumours.

nebakanezer

AbbieCadabra wrote: »

Because wife knows it's lies & just SIL causing trouble, it means nothing so carry on as normal & don't let it effect her because SIL really isn't worth it. Possibly?

Regarding pmt, i can get this really badly sometimes & i can well imagine losing it & saying something really hurtful if my buttons were being pressed.

I'm going with the ignore SIL option from what you've said OP, hope you can work through this mess.

She's been really seriously bad, also had the coil out and had a bit of a 'crash' and never said anything, she's said really irrational stuff in the past when she's been like that, but has never wavered over this