Wife accused of cheating, denies it...

nebakanezer

Here goes, my wife and I have been together 13 years, married for 6, and were childhood sweethearts. After school we didn't see eachother for a few years and she had a little boy to a guy who treated her quite badly, at 21 we met again and have been together ever since, I am extremely close to her son and we have a 7 year old little girl too, we were also born within 5 days of eachother in the same hospital. Our relationship has always had a 'meant to be' feeling about it and we've always loved eachother very much and trusted eachother with our lives.

Anyway over the last year perhaps we've gotten a little complacent and to people from the outside it might not look like we're as close. She goes to her friends a bit during the week (who I'm also quite close to) and I play a little golf, and she likes to go out some weekends too, I also go out but quite rarely.

So about 3 months ago my brother tells me he needs to speak to me about her. Through his wife he's heard that a few people have seen her 'kissing' men in bars or whatever, I was crushed, but kind of didn't believe it, when I told my wife she nearly fell off her chair, and totally denied it. I told my brother and he said that's fine and it's enough for him. Unfortunately it wasn't enough for my sister in law and she bombarded me with all sorts of accusations and said I must be deluded if I believed my wife.

Now you have to understand the sort of person my sister in law is, her family are extremely arrogant, very shallow, hugely opinionated, and a self confessed control freak. She thought that my wife must be doing something wrong my spending time away from the house, even though me and my son watch football so she nips to her friends, we text all night, and I text her friend too just jokes and stuff. She dragged up things from my wife's past to make it more believable, she also accused her of staying out, my wife has never stayed away from home. Things with our family got really messy.

My wife and I have maintained a healthy sexual relationship and almost religiously have sex when she comes in from a night out, and on the nights she's been accused. I said it was gossip and that infuriated my sister in law and she got a couple of the people she'd spoken to to contact me and say they'd seen something.

These instances were in local pubs where my friends were and saw nothing. These people are fairly well known gossips/liars/troublemakers, and they're not friends with my wife although know her. Our group of friends, and the people my wife goes out with, who I'm very close to and she met through me, are absolutely gobsmacked by all this.

For 3 months my wife has shown absolutely no sign of guilt, looked me in the eye and told me she's done nothing wrong. And although been sympathetic, she certainly hasn't begged me to believe her or anything.

Now you maybe thinking by what I've said, that I'm answering my own questions, but that's the rational me talking. The irrational, overthinking me is torturing myself, I'm so deeply hurt and it might all be for nothing, I know what my sister in law is like, and I know how easy it is for people to lie, but I can't get these awful thoughts out of my head, she became so he'll bent on incriminating my wife, and exaggerated everything, that she had no idea the damage she was doing to me.

All of mine and my wife's friends believe her, she's told her parents she's not done anything, she's told my parents, doctors, psychologists (we've both needed them) and everyone just accepts what she says, some people know her well enough not to even ask her, they just know, so why can't I? I've always been a real thinker and it's led to a bit of anxiety in the past so it's mostly that I suppose.

I should also mention that my sister in law, and her father have both had affairs in the past.

Anyway we're very much in love and trying really hard to make things work but it's hard, and if she is telling the truth, then she's as much a victim as I am, if not, she's some kind of psychopath, hope someone can help me, or has maybe had a similar experience, there's bits more to it but that's the main story, thanks

bryanb

None so blind as those who don't want to see.
Not my opinion of your story, but a well known saying.

Gigervamp

Your SIL sounds like a nasty piece of work. For some reason, she's trying to break up your relationship. As you mentioned that SIL has had an affair in the past, I wonder what her own relationship is like. Could she be jealous of the relationship that you and your wife share?

It's good for people in relationships to have some seperate interests. It doesn't sound like your wife is going out excessively.

I think you need to stop contact with SIL and her fellow gossips and trust your wife.

Gigervamp

bryanb wrote: »

None so blind as those who don't want to see.
Not my opinion of your story, but a well known saying.

If it's not your opinion, why say it?

bryanb

Gigervamp wrote: »

If it's not your opinion, why say it?

Because I've been in that position!

VestanPance

I've never met anyone bitter enough to tell lies of an affair to someone, but I've met many people who refused to believe the truth of being betrayed by their loved one as they didn't want to believe it.

Stevie_Palimo

Your sister in law may have another motive here, Ie just to cause problems in the hopes that you split up as she may have little going on in her life, Some people are like that I'm afraid.


Or may want to get together with you, If it were me I would just keep an eye on the situation and maybe on a night out turn up without letting her know and see if you notice any odd behaviour.


Good luck anyway.

Gigervamp

bryanb wrote: »

Because I've been in that position!

So, what you're saying is.....?

That you think the wife is having an affair?

Or, OP should ignore the gossip?

bryanb

Gigervamp wrote: »

So, what you're saying is.....?

That you think the wife is having an affair?

Or, OP should ignore the gossip?

Yes, that's it.

Pollycat

Take her onto Jeremy Kyle foe a lie detector test..
...?

FHS, read through your post again & see what little evidence there is against her.
People in the pub not seeing her mis behaving, her denials etc

I'm just surprised she's not totally hacked off with you.

Big_Tree

Always trust your instincts in these circumstances........

You wouldn't be writing this thread if your instincts weren't telling you something.