Wife accused of cheating, denies it...

London50

I would agree totally with Gigervamp, these days {for whatever personal reasons} some get a kick out of trying to ruin other peoples lives. YOU and only you know your wife and if deep down you believe her then ignore what your SIL is trying to do and just move on with your lives.
My wife and myself have been married for over 50 years and have always had hobbies, friends ect that has meant we are quite often apart for a few days doing our own things {I fish} but we both have and always had total trust. Let people believe what they want but do not let it ruin what seems to me by your post a good and a long lasting relationship.

marisco_2

nebakanezer wrote: »

she became so he'll bent on incriminating my wife, and exaggerated everything

If your sister in law had concrete proof of your wife playing away, why wouldn't she just have stuck to those facts? That would have been bad enough in itself wouldn't it. There would be no need to exaggerate goings on, make what has turned out to be false claims, or drag up your wife's past to show her in a bad light. In what appears to be a blatant attempt to further discredit her. You are closer to your wife than anyone else and should therefore know her best. Is she really someone who could look you straight in the eyes and lie to you? Or be able to put on a convincing show of innocence in front of family, friends, doctors etc., if she held you in such little regard that she could play away behind your back?

In the end it all comes down to trust. This is the bedrock of what makes relationships work. It is the fundamental process of love and intimacy. When trust is gone, what goes with it are safety, security, respect, love and friendship. If you just keep plodding on and don't properly address your emotions over this horrible situation, then all those vital elements will be replaced by anger, insecurity, anxiety and fear. They are what could jeopardise your future together. I suggest you both look into having some counselling through somewhere like Relate. Get all your thoughts and feelings out in the open in the presence of a trained and neutral third party.

Morglin

nebakanezer wrote: »

Here goes, my wife and I have been together 13 years, married for 6, and were childhood sweethearts. After school we didn't see eachother for a few years and she had a little boy to a guy who treated her quite badly, at 21 we met again and have been together ever since, I am extremely close to her son and we have a 7 year old little girl too, we were also born within 5 days of eachother in the same hospital. Our relationship has always had a 'meant to be' feeling about it and we've always loved eachother very much and trusted eachother with our lives.

Anyway over the last year perhaps we've gotten a little complacent and to people from the outside it might not look like we're as close. She goes to her friends a bit during the week (who I'm also quite close to) and I play a little golf, and she likes to go out some weekends too, I also go out but quite rarely.

So about 3 months ago my brother tells me he needs to speak to me about her. Through his wife he's heard that a few people have seen her 'kissing' men in bars or whatever, I was crushed, but kind of didn't believe it, when I told my wife she nearly fell off her chair, and totally denied it. I told my brother and he said that's fine and it's enough for him. Unfortunately it wasn't enough for my sister in law and she bombarded me with all sorts of accusations and said I must be deluded if I believed my wife.

Now you have to understand the sort of person my sister in law is, her family are extremely arrogant, very shallow, hugely opinionated, and a self confessed control freak. She thought that my wife must be doing something wrong my spending time away from the house, even though me and my son watch football so she nips to her friends, we text all night, and I text her friend too just jokes and stuff. She dragged up things from my wife's past to make it more believable, she also accused her of staying out, my wife has never stayed away from home. Things with our family got really messy.

My wife and I have maintained a healthy sexual relationship and almost religiously have sex when she comes in from a night out, and on the nights she's been accused. I said it was gossip and that infuriated my sister in law and she got a couple of the people she'd spoken to to contact me and say they'd seen something.

These instances were in local pubs where my friends were and saw nothing. These people are fairly well known gossips/liars/troublemakers, and they're not friends with my wife although know her. Our group of friends, and the people my wife goes out with, who I'm very close to and she met through me, are absolutely gobsmacked by all this.

For 3 months my wife has shown absolutely no sign of guilt, looked me in the eye and told me she's done nothing wrong. And although been sympathetic, she certainly hasn't begged me to believe her or anything.

Now you maybe thinking by what I've said, that I'm answering my own questions, but that's the rational me talking. The irrational, overthinking me is torturing myself, I'm so deeply hurt and it might all be for nothing, I know what my sister in law is like, and I know how easy it is for people to lie, but I can't get these awful thoughts out of my head, she became so he'll bent on incriminating my wife, and exaggerated everything, that she had no idea the damage she was doing to me.

All of mine and my wife's friends believe her, she's told her parents she's not done anything, she's told my parents, doctors, psychologists (we've both needed them) and everyone just accepts what she says, some people know her well enough not to even ask her, they just know, so why can't I? I've always been a real thinker and it's led to a bit of anxiety in the past so it's mostly that I suppose.

I should also mention that my sister in law, and her father have both had affairs in the past.

Anyway we're very much in love and trying really hard to make things work but it's hard, and if she is telling the truth, then she's as much a victim as I am, if not, she's some kind of psychopath, hope someone can help me, or has maybe had a similar experience, there's bits more to it but that's the main story, thanks

Keep your wife.

Dump the relatives.

Lin

silvasava

I wonder if SiL has been up to something herself & its a way of deflecting any comeback to her? Maybe she thinks your wife has seen something that your SiL is guilty about..........????

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

VestanPance wrote: »

I've never met anyone bitter enough to tell lies of an affair to someone, but I've met many people who refused to believe the truth of being betrayed by their loved one as they didn't want to believe it.

Oh, I have.

Moreover, I was supposed to be hanging around in a gay friendly establishment, trying to pick up other women. Except when I was 'seen' getting off with another man.

Some people are just psychos who can't stand the idea of someone else being happy, so keep up the playground gossip well into middle age.

It can be true. But it can also be complete lies.

Mojisola

nebakanezer wrote: »

Our relationship has always had a 'meant to be' feeling about it and we've always loved eachother very much and trusted eachother with our lives.

Unfortunately it wasn't enough for my sister in law and she bombarded me with all sorts of accusations and said I must be deluded if I believed my wife.

Now you have to understand the sort of person my sister in law is, her family are extremely arrogant, very shallow, hugely opinionated, and a self confessed control freak.

She thought that my wife must be doing something wrong my spending time away from the house, even though me and my son watch football so she nips to her friends, we text all night, and I text her friend too just jokes and stuff.

She dragged up things from my wife's past to make it more believable, she also accused her of staying out, my wife has never stayed away from home.

All of mine and my wife's friends believe her, she's told her parents she's not done anything, she's told my parents, doctors, psychologists (we've both needed them) and everyone just accepts what she says, some people know her well enough not to even ask her, they just know, so why can't I? I've always been a real thinker and it's led to a bit of anxiety in the past so it's mostly that I suppose.

So everyone who knows your wife believes her - none of them have seen anything untoward and yet you're giving your sister-in-law's word credence - despite the fact that she's arrogant, shallow, etc.

I would stop contact with your SIL for the time being and stop listening to her nasty accusations. People often project onto others how they would behave - if she was out without your brother, she would probably do those things and can't believe that your wife isn't.

Get help for your anxiety and start to trust your wife.

Morglin

VestanPance wrote: »

I've never met anyone bitter enough to tell lies of an affair to someone, but I've met many people who refused to believe the truth of being betrayed by their loved one as they didn't want to believe it.

Really?

My ex mother in law was constantly telling my ex I was having endless affairs......:eek::eek:

I wasn't - ever.

She told him our children weren't his - they were and are!:mad:

There are some right nutters around. :wall:

Lin :whistle:

nebakanezer

Obviously I don't want to believe it, but obviously I can't ignore it, but what am I supposed to do when my wife swears to me it isn't true, and for every one person who says it's true, at least another ten, including my wife who I've trusted for 13 years tells me it isn't, this isn't about an affair, I know that's not true for a fact, there's no way my wife is having an affair, we're far too close, in love and in life, it's about messing around in pubs.

fabforty

nebakanezer wrote: »

Here goes, my wife and I have been together 13 years, married for 6, and were childhood sweethearts. After school we didn't see eachother for a few years and she had a little boy to a guy who treated her quite badly, at 21 we met again and have been together ever since, I am extremely close to her son and we have a 7 year old little girl too, we were also born within 5 days of eachother in the same hospital. Our relationship has always had a 'meant to be' feeling about it and we've always loved eachother very much and trusted eachother with our lives.

Anyway over the last year perhaps we've gotten a little complacent and to people from the outside it might not look like we're as close. She goes to her friends a bit during the week (who I'm also quite close to) and I play a little golf, and she likes to go out some weekends too, I also go out but quite rarely.

So about 3 months ago my brother tells me he needs to speak to me about her. Through his wife he's heard that a few people have seen her 'kissing' men in bars or whatever, I was crushed, but kind of didn't believe it, when I told my wife she nearly fell off her chair, and totally denied it. I told my brother and he said that's fine and it's enough for him. Unfortunately it wasn't enough for my sister in law and she bombarded me with all sorts of accusations and said I must be deluded if I believed my wife.

Now you have to understand the sort of person my sister in law is, her family are extremely arrogant, very shallow, hugely opinionated, and a self confessed control freak. She thought that my wife must be doing something wrong my spending time away from the house, even though me and my son watch football so she nips to her friends, we text all night, and I text her friend too just jokes and stuff. She dragged up things from my wife's past to make it more believable, she also accused her of staying out, my wife has never stayed away from home. Things with our family got really messy.

My wife and I have maintained a healthy sexual relationship and almost religiously have sex when she comes in from a night out, and on the nights she's been accused. I said it was gossip and that infuriated my sister in law and she got a couple of the people she'd spoken to to contact me and say they'd seen something.

These instances were in local pubs where my friends were and saw nothing. These people are fairly well known gossips/liars/troublemakers, and they're not friends with my wife although know her. Our group of friends, and the people my wife goes out with, who I'm very close to and she met through me, are absolutely gobsmacked by all this.

For 3 months my wife has shown absolutely no sign of guilt, looked me in the eye and told me she's done nothing wrong. And although been sympathetic, she certainly hasn't begged me to believe her or anything.

Now you maybe thinking by what I've said, that I'm answering my own questions, but that's the rational me talking. The irrational, overthinking me is torturing myself, I'm so deeply hurt and it might all be for nothing, I know what my sister in law is like, and I know how easy it is for people to lie, but I can't get these awful thoughts out of my head, she became so he'll bent on incriminating my wife, and exaggerated everything, that she had no idea the damage she was doing to me.

All of mine and my wife's friends believe her, she's told her parents she's not done anything, she's told my parents, doctors, psychologists (we've both needed them) and everyone just accepts what she says, some people know her well enough not to even ask her, they just know, so why can't I? I've always been a real thinker and it's led to a bit of anxiety in the past so it's mostly that I suppose.

I should also mention that my sister in law, and her father have both had affairs in the past.

Anyway we're very much in love and trying really hard to make things work but it's hard, and if she is telling the truth, then she's as much a victim as I am, if not, she's some kind of psychopath, hope someone can help me, or has maybe had a similar experience, there's bits more to it but that's the main story, thanks

Im not quite sure what you are looking for. Your SIL (her past affairs, her family etc) is totally irrelevant. If, as you say, you believe your wife, you are ver much in love and everything is fine, then that's all that matters. If it is so obvious that she is wrong, and you trust your wife, thenwhy not just forget it and get on with your marriage?




However, just to offer an alternative view. Unfortunately I have been in the same situation - as your SIL. I was spiteful, jealous, scheming, lying, etc etc, while everyone (including my partner) believed the cheating wife. She was so good that I even started to doubt what I had seen with my own eyes (her with her tongue down her husbands friend's throat at a family party). At one point she approached me with tears in her eyes and said 'I don't know what you thought you saw, but you are so wrong'. Wrong my !!!!. That was 5 years ago. The truth only came to light recently when they had trouble conceiving their second child. Tests proved that he couldn't possibly have fathered the first.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

nebakanezer wrote: »

Obviously I don't want to believe it, but obviously I can't ignore it, but what am I supposed to do when my wife swears to me it isn't true, and for every one person who says it's true, at least another ten, including my wife who I've trusted for 13 years tells me it isn't, this isn't about an affair, I know that's not true for a fact, there's no way my wife is having an affair, we're far too close, in love and in life, it's about messing around in pubs.

Why can't you ignore it?

If it's not true - and you've already said that she's made accusations that you know simply can't be - just ignore the mad, mean old witch. Change your mobile number or block hers, don't interact with her. Don't give her the opportunity to make you both miserable any longer.