Wife accused of cheating, denies it...

shegirl

nebakanezer wrote: »

As I said, she suffers terrible PMT, we argued one night about the whole thing and she told me to leave, I was gone for about half an hour

That's what you call being kicked out?!!!!

Kynthia

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

In my case, it's the alcohol combined with having a good laugh with mates at the pub (all guys, by the way), then coming back home to the guy I actually want to make love with.

Plus feeling like an individual for a night instead of just a wife and mum with a list of jobs to do, plus knowing I look good as I dressed up for the night out. Men really should encourage their partners to go out more with and without them.

nebakanezer

Kynthia wrote: »

Plus feeling like an individual for a night instead of just a wife and mum with a list of jobs to do, plus knowing I look good as I dressed up for the night out. Men really should encourage their partners to go out more with and without them.

I never had a problem with my wife going out, and never failed to tell her how wonderful she looked

shegirl

Kynthia wrote: »

Plus feeling like an individual for a night instead of just a wife and mum with a list of jobs to do, plus knowing I look good as I dressed up for the night out. Men really should encourage their partners to go out more with and without them.

It's that freedom,fun,knowing how good you look,knowing you could go with all those flirty men out if you really wanted to and it actually makes you want the man you love!You just love going back to him after that

Well,until you end up single:rotfl:

Kynthia

nebakanezer wrote: »

I never had a problem with my wife going out, and never failed to tell her how wonderful she looked

That post wasn't directed at you but the earlier comment about why would a women be 'in the mood' after a night out without her partner, as if it was suspicious. I think enough women have given valid reasons for this.

I don't know what to tell you. You need to either drop it and be happy with your wife, or believe it's possible and leave her as the trust is gone. You don't seem to want to do the latter and only you can do the former but it's easier said than done. As I said before, if you think she's innocent but can't stop sabotaging your relationship then you need counselling, perhaps from a different counsellor.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

shegirl wrote: »

It's that freedom,fun,knowing how good you look,knowing you could go with all those flirty men out if you really wanted to and it actually makes you want the man you love!You just love going back to him after that

Well,until you end up single:rotfl:

Once he found out I'd make a point of wearing something nice underneath for his benefit, he suddenly made a point of suggesting he came round to mine to be there whenever I got in, giggly, a bit wobbly and happy to find him in my bed, waiting for me

DevilsAdvocate1

nebakanezer wrote: »

I didn't mean at the same time, I can go days feeling fine and trusting her, then just start thinking stuff at work when I'm on my own

I'm sorry, but I think this is the beginning of the end for your marriage. Your SIL has done a good job, she's sown a seed and every now and then you are allowing to grow. Everytime it does and you start to have doubts, thats one more nail in the coffin.

How long is you wife supposed to put up with this for. You're supposed to love her. You're supposed to trust her. But you are allowing someone else to put doubts into your head.

If I was your wife I wouldn't be able to live with this hanging over my head. Changing where I go and what I do because a vindictive person has managed to come between me and my husband. Your wife must feel unloved, untrusted and must be walking on eggshells.

If you don't want your marriage to end you need to find a way to put these doubts firmly in the past.

FBaby

All this started 3 months ago and then I assume escalated with your paranoia growing with it. It's a not a lot of time to get over what could have been the end of your marriage.

Give yourself some time, you can't get rid of negative feelings that have been brewing for weeks in just one day. Take it one week at a time, each observing how faithful and trusting your wife is acting so that you can gradually realise how foolish it was to believe she was up to something. You can then put it all behind you once and for all.

nebakanezer

FBaby wrote: »

All this started 3 months ago and then I assume escalated with your paranoia growing with it. It's a not a lot of time to get over what could have been the end of your marriage.

Give yourself some time, you can't get rid of negative feelings that have been brewing for weeks in just one day. Take it one week at a time, each observing how faithful and trusting your wife is acting so that you can gradually realise how foolish it was to believe she was up to something. You can then put it all behind you once and for all.

Thanks, yes, I've just been up and down but paranoia has grown and will hopefully subside. I lost a good friend in tragic circumstances at the age of 23 and have had bouts of anxiety/overthinking since then.

Morglin

nebakanezer wrote: »

As harsh as some if you might've been, your points are completely valid, I'd be pretty !!!!ed off if it was me and my wife didn't trust me 100%, so I appreciate them all. I guess my post was a but of a cry for help as I have little control over my nightmares, which lead to insecurities etc.

And it's hard to get what people are really like over a forum, but my wife has been extremely !!!!ed off with me, and although sympathetic at times, has not been remorseful, or says I should be pitied. I just didn't really want to say that in the beginning as people react differently, but from what the female posters are saying about how they would feel, that's what my wife has been like.

To be honest, there is nothing more wearing than a spouse, or partner, constantly wittering, questioning and believing others over some alleged, and untrue affair! :wall:

Your wife has more patience than me, as I would have told you and SIL to do one by now.

Why would she be remorseful, or sympathetic and constantly patting you on the head?

She hasn't got the problem - you have.

Either believe what your wife has told you, and keep your obvious insecurities to yourself, or you will lose her anyway.

Lin :doh: