Wife accused of cheating, denies it...

Pollycat

nebakanezer wrote: »

Thanks, yes, I've just been up and down but paranoia has grown and will hopefully subside. I lost a good friend in tragic circumstances at the age of 23 and have had bouts of anxiety/overthinking since then.

OK, but don't take your issues out on your wife - at least not on the basis of the flimsy 'evidence' you've posted on here.

FBaby

Bur she has a husband understandably in mental turmoil so didn't that make it her issue too. If it was my husband I would feel for him and do everything to reassure him. It would become an issue if it went on and on without any improvements.

Morglin

I had years of trying to reassure a husband with 'issues' and it never works, in my view.

My MIL accused me of affairs, he latched onto the idea, and on and on it went....:mad:

When I finally left him (partly due to this) he then told our adult kids I have had numerous affairs (about 50 blokes at the last count)..:eek:

They finally told him to shut up, as they knew that what with rearing them, working long hours, and then becoming disabled, the chances of having swung from chandeliers in hotel rooms was slim to zero...:rotfl:

So, he has now disowned them (:mad:) justifying this by telling them they aren't his anyway....:wall:

Like I said, lots of nutters around - but no reason the wife should have to get sucked into the lunacy.

Lin

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

Bur she has a husband understandably in mental turmoil so didn't that make it her issue too. If it was my husband I would feel for him and do everything to reassure him. It would become an issue if it went on and on without any improvements.

Of course it makes it her issue too - but surely there's a difference between providing sympathy for a bereavement and dealing with paranoia.
Maybe I should have posted
'Don't take your paranoia out on your wife'.

It sounds like it has been going on for months so maybe it has become an issue for her - despite her sympathy for him.

How many times should she be expected to tell him nothing is going on?

I posted this early in the thread yesterday:

Pollycat wrote: »

Take her onto Jeremy Kyle foe a lie detector test.....?

Maybe that's the only way the OP will believe his wife - assuming she is innocent of the allegations made against her and she passes the test.

clarryd

My advice is to try and see if your wife does anything different. With this I mean going to her friends all dressed up, new underwear etc..

Or you could just follow her one time and see where she goes, or turn up at the pub later on and say you just felt like a pint, to see what she was doing after a few drinks and if she was really meeting someone else and not her friend.

The seed has been sown in your head now so you need the definite "is she or isint she" answered. But you must be prepared for the answer because it is not always the answer you want.

Sometimes it is better just to let her know that you know she may have done something and leave it there, this may just scare her enough not to carry it on (if she is doing something), because on the other hand if you keep accusing her she may go out and do it because she has had enough of been accused.

The thing is not many people family wise would say something like this unless it was true ( I would hope), because they would be ostracised from the rest of the family, and it could end her own relationship.

I am not saying believe her or not but all I am saying is do you really want to know as the answer may just destroy you.

Something to think about.

Good luck

duchy

I do think you need to turn this around and think how you would feel if the situation was reversed......How you would feel if three months after someone told your wife a huge lie about you-she was still having "bouts of doubt". I bet you'd think she was a bad wife and that you deserved better..........

I don't think you need marriage counseling but if you are generally a bit paranoid -do yourself and your wife a favour and get some proper medical help for it before it destroys your marriage.

Pollycat

clarryd wrote: »

The thing is not many people family wise would say something like this unless it was true ( I would hope), because they would be ostracised from the rest of the family, and it could end her own relationship.

Have you read what the OP has said about his SIL in his posts?

Maybe not many people family wise would say something like this unless it was true - but I think the OP's SIL may be one of those people.

duchy

clarryd wrote: »

My advice is to try and see if your wife does anything different. With this I mean going to her friends all dressed up, new underwear etc..

Or you could just follow her one time and see where she goes, or turn up at the pub later on and say you just felt like a pint, to see what she was doing after a few drinks and if she was really meeting someone else and not her friend.


I am not saying believe her or not but all I am saying is do you really want to know as the answer may just destroy you.

Something to think about.

Good luck

If I was in this situation and my partner followed me and I caught him. That would be it -I'd be completely insulted that after years together he didn't trust me to the point he followed me (or had me followed before some bright spark suggests a private detective)

Morglin

clarryd wrote: »

My advice is to try and see if your wife does anything different. With this I mean going to her friends all dressed up, new underwear etc..

Or you could just follow her one time and see where she goes, or turn up at the pub later on and say you just felt like a pint, to see what she was doing after a few drinks and if she was really meeting someone else and not her friend.

The seed has been sown in your head now so you need the definite "is she or isint she" answered. But you must be prepared for the answer because it is not always the answer you want.

Sometimes it is better just to let her know that you know she may have done something and leave it there, this may just scare her enough not to carry it on (if she is doing something), because on the other hand if you keep accusing her she may go out and do it because she has had enough of been accused.

The thing is not many people family wise would say something like this unless it was true ( I would hope), because they would be ostracised from the rest of the family, and it could end her own relationship.

I am not saying believe her or not but all I am saying is do you really want to know as the answer may just destroy you.

Something to think about.

Good luck

Oh, well, that will really help........not!

Nutty SIL makes accusations, insecure husband doesn't know who to believe, and do starts checking wife's underwear purchases and following her?:eek:

Let's her know he 'thinks she may have done something'?

Quickest route to the divorce courts I have ever seen.....:wall:

Lin :whistle:

clarryd

Pollycat wrote: »

Have you read what the OP has said about his SIL in his posts?

Maybe not many people family wise would say something like this unless it was true - but I think the OP's SIL may be one of those people.

Yes I did read OP but still think if family said something this bad then it may possibly be true.

I personally don't know if she is guilty or not hopefully not but IMO family (well my family) wouldn't say these things.

His SIL has been caught out herself so maybe wants her BIL to know that his wife isn't as innocent as he thinks she is. I really don't know but the true really does hurt she be careful.