Wife accused of cheating, denies it...

quantumleap

nebakanezer wrote: »

I suppose my fear is the 'what if' element, my wife swears number 2 won't happen so I have to trust her

You do mate. The alternative is that your marriage breaks down because, quite rightly, your wife isn't going to try to convince you forever.

It won't be easy because of that little voice that will nag away in the back of your mind but eventually over time it will fade and disappear.

Explain to those who insist it is true that unless they can produce evidence you are going to continue with your life with your wife and children and to please stop the accusations without proof, in respect for you and your children.

If, in the unlikely event, that the whole thing does turn out to be true it will reflect much worse on her than you and you can walk away knowing you couldn't have done anything more.

Good luck but let it go now and get back to your life and family.

marisco_2

nebakanezer wrote: »

That's almost already happened, as in being accused of staying out, when obviously I know she hasn't, as I live with her, and a couple of other things when she's been accused of being in one place when she was in another...

Give someone enough rope and they eventually hang themselves. When a person sets out to lie and deceive in order to wreak havoc in other peoples lives, they need to have a fantastic memory and to have done their research so as not to get caught out. Otherwise their tall tales will not be convincing and should not be given any credence.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Morglin wrote: »

Oh, well, that will really help........not!

Nutty SIL makes accusations, insecure husband doesn't know who to believe, and do starts checking wife's underwear purchases and following her?:eek:

Let's her know he 'thinks she may have done something'?

Quickest route to the divorce courts I have ever seen.....:wall:

Lin :whistle:

Ha ha!

My ex did that...found him checking the contents of my knicker drawer 'looking for socks'.

And then he followed me and tried to watch me through the windows of a pub where I was playing a gig. Or, so I heard from the bouncer, who escorted him from the premises.

Turns out that he'd done it several times at different venues and he'd been booted out/refused entry by staff who knew me at every single one over the course of a few months. But he didn't actually want to come to any of the gigs. Just wanted to catch me out doing things I wasn't even doing.

Tbh, by the end, I was tempted to just go ahead and do it, as I'd had years of distrust and months and months of his obsessing over a specific supposed affair with somebody I barely knew and lots of sarky/inappropriate comments about my mates. I didn't, though. But I stopped correcting people who assumed I was single.

Thing is, out of all the people he obsessed about, he never considered the two people I actually dated (the second of which has been my boyfriend for nearly a year now) once I was single as possibilities. Or the guy who turned out to be my best mate.

Shows how little he knew me, I guess. Assumed I'd be all about appearance, rather than intelligence and personality. Neither of which he had to any great degree.

nebakanezer

Thank you all again for your advice, I know what I need to do, it's been really good to get a female perspective as I wondered if my wife's behaviour was correct (which I knew really) and it's been exactly how you've all described it. If it was me and I had lied, it would eat me up and I wouldn't be able to be normal around her, she's obviously gutted about it all but shown no signs of guilt/remorse/worry etc..

marisco_2

Considering the current situation, I would think twice about posting an exact transcript of a personal message over such a sensitive subject, on a public forum.

nebakanezer

marisco wrote: »

Considering the current situation, I would think twice about posting an exact transcript of a personal message over such a sensitive subject, on a public forum.

Perhaps you're right, just wanted to give the view of my wife, there are lots of nice/understanding messages, and some frustrated ones. It was just that some people said 'why is she ok with it?' Then when I said she wasn't, they said 'what happened to the sympathetic wife?'.

A roller coaster doesn't come close!

nebakanezer

To be honest, I'd really like to post some of her messages to give you a true idea?

My negative thoughts came from being so angry about our lives being destroyed, but unfortunately led to doubt somehow. My wife hasn't had her say with my SIL and brother and whoever else has been gossiping. It would be nice for people to see her point of view.

I probably need to delete this thread eventually anway because if anyone linked to my SIL saw it they'd know who it was about and I don't want to fall out with my brother.

What do you think about me posting messages then deleting the thread?

GobbledyGook

Why does it matter what a bunch of strangers think about your wife?

nebakanezer

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Why does it matter what a bunch of strangers think about your wife?

You're right of course, and I don't usually let what people think bother me, it's just not very nice

GobbledyGook

Sorry, pressed send too soon.

You either trust your wife or you don't. It doesn't matter what other people do, say or think.

Do youthink your wife is guilty?

And do you think you can get by the situation you currently find yourself in?