Wife accused of cheating, denies it...

Mojisola

nebakanezer wrote: »

My negative thoughts came from being so angry about our lives being destroyed

You are the only person destroying your life.

Hermia

Mojisola wrote: »

You are the only person destroying your life.

Very true. If you carry on like this your marriage will be over. When you are innocent there is only so much doubt you can put up with, and only so much reassuring you are prepared to do, before you get to the end of your tether.

nebakanezer

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Why does it matter what a bunch of strangers think about your wife?

Mojisola wrote: »

You are the only person destroying your life.

I was waiting for that, I meant as well the problems it's caused for the whole family, stress for my mum and dad, my relationship with my brother, my nieces etc etc

thorsoak

To repeat myself......for heaven's sake! Just take her out for a meal, apologise deeply and sincerely, tell her that you were a fool to even think it could have happened for a moment, and that you'll keep all communication with your SiL to a minimum - then ask her if she will forgive you for doubting her!

Don't, whatever you do, print this out to show her - it will only inflame the situation if she thinks that you "washed your dirty linen in public" - do you really want her to know how much you doubted her?

Errata

thorsoak wrote: »

To repeat myself......for heaven's sake! Just take her out for a meal, apologise deeply and sincerely, tell her that you were a fool to even think it could have happened for a moment, and that you'll keep all communication with your SiL to a minimum - then ask her if she will forgive you for doubting her!

Don't, whatever you do, print this out to show her - it will only inflame the situation if she thinks that you "washed your dirty linen in public" - do you really want her to know how much you doubted her?

And don't post in fine detail what your wife has said to you, have some respect for her (not that you've shown much up to now).

marisco_2

nebakanezer wrote: »

My wife hasn't had her say with my SIL and brother and whoever else has been gossiping.

Your wife understands that at times like this, maintaining a dignified silence is far more powerful than having the last word. She knows she has done nothing wrong, and therefore does not feel the need to defend herself, against ludicrous allegations.

GobbledyGook

You are right to be angry. However you seem to be missing something in your concern for your parents (adults who will deal with it), your brother (an adult who will likely side with his wife while they are married) and your nieces (who are not likely to have a good relationship with a woman their mother dislikes so much).

The impact on your daughter if you let this destroy your marriage...

You SIL has planted a seed. It's now up to you if you let the weed she planted wither and die or if you continue to feed and water it.

Hermia

marisco wrote: »

Your wife understands that at times like this, maintaining a dignified silence is far more powerful than having the last word. She knows she has done nothing wrong, and therefore does not feel the need to defend herself, against ludicrous allegations.

Plus it's not like gossipers will ever say, "I/We are so terribly sorry. We realise you are completely innocent and will now tell everyone what a lovely person you are and what horrid people we are". This has never happened! If the OP's wife was to confront the SIL and other gossipers it would just create more problems.

nebakanezer

Hermia wrote: »

Plus it's not like gossipers will ever say, "I/We are so terribly sorry. We realise you are completely innocent and will now tell everyone what a lovely person you are and what horrid people we are". This has never happened! If the OP's wife was to confront the SIL and other gossipers it would just create more problems.

Ye fair enough, although my wife did want to confront my SIL and asked on many occasions, but my SIL would not have any of it, think of that what you will...

itsanne

nebakanezer wrote: »

What do you think about me posting messages then deleting the thread?

I haven't posted because it's all been said already, but this hasn't been answered.

DON'T DO IT!

. . . and delete her text now, not at the end of the thread.