A little bit of late advice from whoever's around!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

meritaten wrote: »

I rather think Janes dd is a bit young to buy another pint. she didn't even throw a tantrum. sorry jojo, but sometimes in normal families mum and dad DO have to intervene. you call them parachute parents - other people call them 'caring'.

That's why I made it clear I wasn't directing my comments at the OP. and why I gave examples of the sort of complaints that turn up and contribute to staff sometimes being less sympathetic than they could be.

I don't think it's caring to expect a child to waltz to the front of a queue because they're the 'only' hungry kid in the school. I don't think it's caring to demand an absolutely tone deaf child has the lead role in a production. And complain that the castings were announced on a board in the department. Or that their legs get tired walking, so surely a member of staff could drive them the 300 yards to the local church? If nothing else, it teaches the kid to be whiny and helpless.

We've just passed some important GCSE deadlines. Not ours, the examining boards'. Kids have been prepared, warned, chased, prompted and, on occasion, kept in detention trying to get the work completed. Some of them still didn't do it on time. Some seemed to deliberately sabotage themselves by leaving essential equipment at home. So there will be kids who have been withdrawn from courses, there will be fails.

I can guarantee that there will be phone calls next week wanting extra time for kids because the rules shouldn't apply to them.


This doesn't mean all teachers are saints. I know that from having a mean spirited old witch as a teacher when I was 8 who genuinely hated me. The feeling was mutual.

But there is a world of difference between being a caring parent and a complete pain in the backside. It's just that, the way it gets broadcast to the audience in the playground and because nobody inside will comment about it, it sounds as though they're all martyrs to their children.

They're never going to let on that they think their child is as precious and delicate as a porcelain unicorn compared to your own, who they probably secretly complain about getting special treatment 'when everybody knows there's no such thing as ADD/ADHD/ASD/SEN.......' as part of their fifth complaint call of the week to the school.

But, to all around them, they're just a caring parent taking on the mean old school.

Carmina-Piranha_2

Janepig's kids are at primary school though. I honestly don't know how anyone working in a high school stays pleasant!

Does the kid who wanted to get to the front of the dinner queue have diabetes?

FBaby

What the teacher failed to appreciate is that some children are more competitive then others, and therefore will take much more at heart not being selected in team than others. Competitiveness is not a bad trait at all, some have it, some dont. What is important is to teach those competitive children to channel their frustration when they don't get to compete as they expected.

This is why I think this teach handled the situation so badly. He should have recognised OP's daughter frustration and encourage her competitive spirit, explaining it is ok to be disappointed at time because even top competitors are regularly, but that this is often what gives them even more fire to win next time.

Carmina-Piranha_2

If this had happened to my friend's daughter who is a similar age she would be more upset about the method of finding out that she'd been dropped than actually being dropped.

pollypenny

Secondary teachers stay pleasant for the simple reason that most teenagers are great and a pleasure to work with.

The same applies to most parents, with whom teachers work to get the best out of kids.

You can't win them all, though!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

Janepig's kids are at primary school though. I honestly don't know how anyone working in a high school stays pleasant!

Does the kid who wanted to get to the front of the dinner queue have diabetes?

No. She's morbidly obese, partly thanks to the huge bags of junk her mother sends in with her everyday though (due to it being a whole 2 hours and twenty minutes that she's not allowed to eat in the morning - until break - and a whole hour and 40 minutes after lunch), so I dare say it won't be long before she is, though.


If there's a genuine medical need for something, whatever it is, there's no issue; the parents inform us and we work with them to come up with suitable plans. All staff in contact with the kids have access to the inclusion registers and the SENCO to make sure that such things are allowed for. In a case of diabetes, for example, the dinner staff would know to let them to the front, and if they were showing signs of a hypo in class, they would be allowed to have a snack or a drink - if they didn't have anything, it's not hard to find biscuits in a school.

We also find ourselves giving our food and drinks to kids that are woozy from skipping breakfast. They get a nice talk about why they should eat regularly to fuel their growth and activities and then sent on their way back to class.

In the same way, where kids have emotional difficulties, tough home lives or mental illness, there are flurries of calls between departments, making sure that there is support, nobody's contradicting one another, etc. One kid is struggling with the stress on top of depression to the extent he's struggling to talk - rather than summon him by phone, where he worries unecessarily that he's in trouble (his mum doesn't believe in depression), staff will find his class and walk over and speak to/ collect him personally. We don't have to do it - but there's a genuine need there, so we do.


You might be surprised how much consideration of the kids goes on. Unfortunately, this would be irrelevant and probably unbelievable to the parachutists.

Carmina-Piranha_2

Poor lad whose mum doesn't believe in depression It's such a tricky age. One of my son's friends had one of those mums who was always kicking off at the school, and there was rarely any foundation. I found out for myself just how far staff will go to help those who genuinely need to be treated gently.

I work in a primary, and am more of a soft touch than my colleagues.

IrishRose12

OP I've just caught up to see if you went to speak the the PE teacher in the end.
I'm actually fuming for you. How he can say that it's a limited number is a load of rubbish. He needs the team to be there, and considering you daughter was part of that team in getting them to where they are now. So that excuse is out the window. ALso how come he had a change of heart about another child and was able to let them go - considering he had no space for her/him?? Again, load of rubbish.

No offence but it sounds to me as if this teacher doesn't like your daughter. Every teacher has their pets, and it obvious your daughter isn't in that wee group of favourites, Which I hate!
If he was able to have a change of heart for one child and take them along then he should be able to take your daughter along also. He can't take less than the team he has, as he will have no team to play. SO he needs the full team plus subs. I'd be asking why was your daughter good enough for all the other matches she has played in to help get them to the stage they are at now, yet she's not good enough for the final?
Personally I would have taken it to the headteacher and asked exactly how many spaces were allocated for them and how many children are going. Also how a space has magically appeared for this other child, yet your daughter is now the only child in the team not to be going now.
Schools can make allowances and can re-arrange numbers. I know as I work in a school and know how it works.
I'd also bring up to the school their Child Protection policy. As singling a child out, leaving them out of something on purpose, and most certainly leaving a child crying and not explaining to them the reason they have upset them is against the Child Protection procedures in schools.
You are also within your right to ask exactly why she is not allowed to go and to be given valid reasons and not to be fobbed off (which in this case I'm sorry but you have been)

As a parent myself and someone who works in a school this has angered me and I don't even know you or your child!

Also to those who say teachers don't have pets, or aren't allowed to, they do whether we like it or not. They also have those children whom they don't like.

Takeaway_Addict

IrishRose12 wrote: »

OP I've just caught up to see if you went to speak the the PE teacher in the end.
I'm actually fuming for you. How he can say that it's a limited number is a load of rubbish. He needs the team to be there, and considering you daughter was part of that team in getting them to where they are now. So that excuse is out the window. ALso how come he had a change of heart about another child and was able to let them go - considering he had no space for her/him?? Again, load of rubbish.

No offence but it sounds to me as if this teacher doesn't like your daughter. Every teacher has their pets, and it obvious your daughter isn't in that wee group of favourites, Which I hate!
If he was able to have a change of heart for one child and take them along then he should be able to take your daughter along also. He can't take less than the team he has, as he will have no team to play. SO he needs the full team plus subs. I'd be asking why was your daughter good enough for all the other matches she has played in to help get them to the stage they are at now, yet she's not good enough for the final?
Personally I would have taken it to the headteacher and asked exactly how many spaces were allocated for them and how many children are going. Also how a space has magically appeared for this other child, yet your daughter is now the only child in the team not to be going now.
Schools can make allowances and can re-arrange numbers. I know as I work in a school and know how it works.
I'd also bring up to the school their Child Protection policy. As singling a child out, leaving them out of something on purpose, and most certainly leaving a child crying and not explaining to them the reason they have upset them is against the Child Protection procedures in schools.
You are also within your right to ask exactly why she is not allowed to go and to be given valid reasons and not to be fobbed off (which in this case I'm sorry but you have been)

As a parent myself and someone who works in a school this has angered me and I don't even know you or your child!

Also to those who say teachers don't have pets, or aren't allowed to, they do whether we like it or not. They also have those children whom they don't like.

Give me strength....

IrishRose12

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Give me strength....

Exactly, I said the same and still do at our Child Protection "courses" in work, and that's only the start of it. The amount of things you are not allowed to do in schools these days is just ridiculous. But that's a totally other conversation :rotfl:
But I thought it needed to be brought to the OP's attention considering it was her child left crying.

Teacher needs to be reminded he has to treat all his pupils the same, and that his team members should be equally praised and rewarded for their contributions. In this case he has obviously not and chosen his favourites instead:mad: