A little bit of late advice from whoever's around!

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
100 replies 14.9K views
JanepigJanepig Forumite
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I'm not one to go marching up to DD/DS's school with complaints very often - in fact I never have, although DH has rung once or twice. I avoid it like the plague tbh as I feel like a five year old again when I speak to the teachers!

Anyway, DD has been playing in one of the school sports teams (she's year 6) and they won a first round, then a semi, and next week is National (Welsh) final of a competition, and she found out today that the PE teacher has dropped her from the team. He didn't tell her, she found out from some of the other girls, and when he saw her crying he said "don't start crying, some of the other children didn't make the team at all" (three separate girls have told me this is what he said).

Now I don't mind if he thought she wasn't up to scratch (she's not brilliant, but not the worst) and took her to one side and told her and explained to her, but she's at a loss as to why he's done this. Plus it's her birthday today which has possibly made her extra upset.

Sooooo, do I go tomorrow to say something, bearing in mind that given the subject matter I may come across as a pushy parent, which couldn't be further from the truth? Am I being over sensitive? I've thought it over, even afew hours later, and I'm still coming to the conclusion that it seems like a terribly spiteful thing to do. He doesn't appear to have replaced her with anyone, just taken her off the team.

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  • i would just mention it when you drop her off and i would be wanting to know why other children knew about it before your daughter did

    you could also tell your daughter to go and speak to the teacher and ask what she can do to improve
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  • JILJIL Forumite
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    I feel for your daughter. If she has played in the other rounds that got to the final you have to wonder why the PE teacher is changing the team. If its not broke don't fix it. I do think he should have thought about the children's feelings before dropping them. That's not to do with their age its just the right thing to do. Even millionaire footballers get told by their managers when they are being dropped.
    How to deal with it? Send an email. Say your daughter is very upset, she has been part of the winning team and was looking forward to the final. Whilst you understand no one has an automatic right to a place you were concerned that she found out via friends and this was not the best way to be told. Please could you take some time to explain how the decision was reached?
    Happy birthday to your daughter.
  • Imnoexpert_2Imnoexpert_2 Forumite
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    your child is six. she is very young and I think you need to be on top of, and involved in every aspect of her development and what is going on around her. That is not to say that this is something that should be blown up out of all proportion. she should not be made any more stressed or upset than she already is and seeing you go of on one is not a good idea. You don't sound as if you would do this but some people do!

    you should try not to be frightened of or in awe of primary school teachers. They are just ordinary folk -like you. Though some can be a bit odd :-). I would speak to the teacher (following whatever the procedure at the school is). Say your child is upset, explain what you have been told, and explain that you would like to know what has happened so that you can help your child learn from the experience. The teacher should want to know how your child feels to enable them to help their development.

    From what you write (which is seen through parent goggles and perhaps inaccurate and incomplete information) this doesn't seem to have been well handled by the teacher. If they have any insight they will learn from this. They will certainly tread more cautiously in future and they will know that you are a caring and supportive parent.

    This won't be the last of such traumas so stay chilled.
  • FatVonDFatVonD Forumite
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    Could it be that the other girls knew because a list was put up with the teams names on? Even if she was the weakest in the team though, if she's not been replaced, there seems no reason not to include her even if she ends up sitting on the subs bench. Is there maybe some problem with transport and numbers are limited?

    I would be really annoyed at what was said when the teacher found out she was upset.
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  • lisawood78lisawood78 Forumite
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    Year 6, not age 6
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  • hickles69hickles69 Forumite
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    Oh golly, how awful for her. How would she feel about approaching the teacher and asking how she could improve? Just thinking at 11 years old it may be quite a difficult thing to do; is this something you can do with her?

    I'm surprised that after going so far she has been dropped from the team so far into a successful competition. If a teacher is worth their salt then they will be approachable, I used to be a primary school teacher and made sure I interacted with all parents as much as possibly could. I hope you're able to get some answers. Personally I'd be more upset by the fact DD's peers were the one to break the news and then teacher acted in such an insensitive way. Is it something you could mention in passing to your daughter's teacher? She may be able to answer. The peers may have overheard a discussion and not been told directly. Sorry I'm very tired so just throwing random things out there. Good luck, hope you get some answers, they are definitely required H
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  • NARNAR Forumite
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    OP absolutely dreadful that the teacher hadn't the balls to tell her before that she wouldn't be selected.
    TBH I would bring this to the Principal's attention and make sure some other child isn't treated so disgustingly again! :mad:
  • duchyduchy Forumite
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    I think I'd be approaching the head and making it very clear it wasn't the fact she was dropped but the manner in which it was done (even though to have done so well it wouldn't kill the school to travel with extra subs so everyone who contributed to reaching the final got to share in the event). If it's the taking part that matters rather than winning then actions speak louder than words.
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  • greenorangegreenorange Forumite
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    I'd talk to the teacher to find out exactly what happened. Young children often don't tell the entire story/truth, even if 3 of them together. Not that I'm calling them a liar, however I'd certainly speak to the teacher pleasantly and keep an open mind until you've heard both sides. :)
  • FBabyFBaby Forumite
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    Been there, son didn't make the school football team last year which he wanted so much. All his friends did and he was gutted (of course didn't think it was fair as thought he was better than a few of them :)) I spent time to talk to him, and like your daughter, it was the fact that he didn't understand why he was selected that was the most painful. I asked him if it would help if a teacher spoke to him and when he said yes, I called the school and explained he was upset and it would help if someone could have a talk with him.

    His teacher did and it really help. She understood his disapointment and show sympathy when the coach hadn't at all. It is sad that your DD's coach showed so little compassion and didn't even respect the fact that she should find out from him rather than the others. I wouldn't call such a person a good teacher.

    It's makes me laugh the disparity with teacher's show of compassion. On the other hand, one teacher took my daughter aside a few weeks ago to talk to her before she found out herself about the fact that she would be the only girl with another one amongst 15 boys in one of her GCSEs class and he wanted to make sure that it wouldn't be an issue for her. No need to say, she told him that she would cope fine!!!
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