A little bit of late advice from whoever's around!

Spendless

Asking for feedback why she hadn't made it and info on how to improve would be the most face saving, but I know my 11yo would baulk at that very suggestion. Mine would rather get into trouble for doing something wrong then ask to clarify something!

The other girls that haven't made the team. Is your daughter able to approach them and ask if they were told why and how they were told?

If you're aware of some more info eg a list went up and your daughter hadn't seen it as someone else has suggested, might make it easier for you to word your query, if you know something of what has happened.

valk_scot

Sometimes there are number constraints, especially at big tournaments. The usual squad of 20 might have to be cut to 18 or even 15 say due to space constraints at the venue. It's quite possibly something like this that's happened though, if so, it would have been better for coach to have explained this to her.


ETA: OH says it also might be something to do with limits on the number of subs, big clubs that can field say 10 subs have an advantage over small clubs that can only bring 3 or 4. So to even the playing field as were there's a maximum number of subs allowed.


All of this gets more common as the kids get older and the rules firm up btw, so be prepared.

pollypenny

Oh-oh! This was handled very badly by the teacher. He should have had the whole squad together and explained any constraints on number, before announcing the team, with sincere regrets to those who didn't make it!

I think a word to the head would be a good idea.

As your DD played in the early rounds I find it very surprising that she has not been selected, at the very least as a sub.

Over the years I have seen male primary teachers, very much the minority of staff, strutting their stuff. I think some of them forget their pastoral role when blinded by competition.

Takeaway_Addict

Mountain from a molehill for me. She got dropped from a school team....it's not the end of the world.

balletshoes

What, if anything, does your daughter want you to do on her behalf? does she want you to find out why she was dropped from the squad? if she does then by all means ask to speak to the teacher.
i wouldnt go to the head with this ~ your daughter will have disappointments like this through her school life, keep the communication up with her and be lead by what she wants you to do.

Janepig

Thanks for all the replies. I'm sitting outside the school now wondering what to do. I have argued with myself about the making a mountain out of a molehill thing and I agree that in the broad scheme of things it's not the end of the world. This teacher is famed for having his clique of favourites and I despise that. I just want him to explain to DD why he's done this, I think she deserves that.

I know that one of the girls on the team definitely can't go so I asked DD what did she want to do if he changes his mind and asks her to play. She couldn't answer because I think she was trying to be diplomatic. She knows I would tell him to shove it but I know she really wants to play.

Arrrgggghhh I hate this parenting lark!

Jx

pollypenny

That's why I said a word to the head would be a good idea. Putting it in writing is too formal, but I can imagine the sole young male on the staff strutting around in his track suit and idolised by the lads, certainly.

I've seen it as a parent and in schools through my primary liaison role.

If your DD is over it now, aye let it go. New school next year!

Janepig

pollypenny wrote: »

That's why I said a word to the head would be a good idea. Putting it in writing is too formal, but I can imagine the dole young male on the staff strutting around in his track suit and idolised by the lads, certainly.

I've seen it as a parent and in schools through my primary liaison role.

If your DD is over it now, aye let it go. New school next year!

You've clearly met this teacher! :rotfl::rotfl:

Been in, seen him - I was tempted to see the head, he's a nice guy, but I opted for the PE clown instead. I didn't want him to think he'd got away with it! He made out that DD was too upset yesterday for him to be able to explain it to her fully (she disagrees with that, she said he didn't even try). He said that he could only take so many children and that unfortunately DD and another girl were the two he dropped. But then he had a change of heart about the other girl so it is only DD not going. There were other waffled excuses as well, it was hitting my ears as sort of "blah blah blah blah"......

DD sobbed all the way through my chat with him (I did clarify with her before we went in whether she wanted me to speak to him or not and she did). Thankfully he didn't say "oh alright, I've changed my mind, you can come aswell" so I didn't have that dilemma. However, I think this is possibly the only thing that would have made it okay with DD as her other team mates are now all chatting excitedly about the final and she feels left out.

There's cross country tryouts tomorrow - DD has made the team for the last few years and DS has also previously been picked (he's in year 3), but what I want to say to them is not to bother this time. However, I will just have to bite my tongue I think.

DH has just rung to say that the headteacher rang him earlier (possibly when I was in with Mr PE), returning DH's call from this morning - I originally jibbed out of going in. DH gave him a quick appraisal of the situation and the Head said he'd speak to Mr PE.

Not entirely satisfied, but satisfied enough that I've said my bit, and I have said to DD now that she's just going to have to get over it, get her chin up, and like Pol has said it's a new School in September, so a whole new environment, different kids and bigger and better opportunities. I also told her if she didn't stop crying I would poke her eyes out. :D

Jx

FBaby

Mountain from a molehill for me. She got dropped from a school team....it's not the end of the world.

Dissapointment of not being able to do something you had set your heart to do, maybe worked hard to do so and seeing all your friends enjoying the results whilst you are left out is a very big deal at that age.

Like you, my mother couldn't understand this and if it didn't cause, it certainly contributed to my building a wall around me when it came to her later in life.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

FBaby wrote: »

Dissapointment of not being able to do something you had set your heart to do, maybe worked hard to do so and seeing all your friends enjoying the results whilst you are left out is a very big deal at that age.

Like you, my mother couldn't understand this and if it didn't cause, it certainly contributed to my building a wall around me when it came to her later in life.

Maybe so, but in high school, I've had the joy of speaking to parents who can't comprehend why their child hasn't been picked for something they are too lazy to put work into and are simply not good enough for. I do get the feeling that, throughout the kids' lives, Mum has always been straight down the school, bombarding staff with emails and making constant enraged phone calls about how it's just not fair - and getting her own way much of the time, which has contributed to the kids being lazy and expecting to be included in everything, because 'Mum will sort it out for me'.