A little bit of late advice from whoever's around!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

*max* wrote: »

The point is it's not about a kid "not making the team". It's about a kid making the team, playing with that team several times and seeing that team, which they are part of and contributed to, go up in whatever league they are playing, then being suddenly asked to leave close to the finals, with no explanation. It's really not the same as "not making the team"!

I'm not a parent, but even I would not be happy with that treatment for anyone. It's just not on. What would you feel if you played sports, or were in a music band, and just before the final game/show you were told "sorry, you're not going to be in it" with no explanation? And not only that, but everyone else in the team knew about it before you did?

We're way too quick about dismissing negative childhood experiences as trivial, and that children should "suck it up". Unfair is unfair, whether you are a child or an adult. The only difference is an adult is able to speak up for themselves and challenge things if they want. Children don't have the option.

It happens a lot. One of the nicest calls I got dropping me boiled down to 'Sorry, we've got somebody better then you'. You say 'Cheers, mate, no problem' - and buy another pint. Or you throw a tantrum. Which doesn't help you get any more gigs in the future with them or anybody else who witnesses the 'It's soooooooo unfair' moment.

purpleshoes_2

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It happens a lot. One of the nicest calls I got dropping me boiled down to 'Sorry, we've got somebody better then you'. You say 'Cheers, mate, no problem' - and buy another pint. Or you throw a tantrum. Which doesn't help you get any more gigs in the future with them or anybody else who witnesses the 'It's soooooooo unfair' moment.

Maybe the cheers mate no problem might be easier to say when you are an adult and not a 12 year old kid. Adults might be a bit more used to rejection by that stage, as a child it might be a bitter disappointment.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

purpleshoes wrote: »

Maybe the cheers mate no problem might be easier to say when you are an adult and not a 12 year old kid. Adults might be a bit more used to rejection by that stage, as a child it might be a bitter disappointment.

It's probably because I learned to deal with not being picked for stuff long before the age of 12, rather than having a Mum stomping up the school and demanding to know why.






ETA: Still NOT directing this at the OP.

clairec79

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

One of the nicest calls I got dropping me boiled down to 'Sorry, we've got somebody better then you'. You say 'Cheers, mate, no problem'

But this wasn't the person in charge telling you they had someone better, it was your exteammates ringing you up and saying 'there's someone instead of you' - the difference is the way you found out

meritaten

I totally agree with max - the OPs child has been one of the team that has taken them to this level. and I assume the team has a certain number of players? is the PE teacher being honest? did janes daughter have a 'bad' game last time? but her friends on the team reacted with shock that she was dropped, so I doubt this.
call me cynical, but I wouldn't be surprised if a child was included on the team whose parent was either in the PTA or on the Board of Governers. and before I get jumped on - I HAVE seen this happen. just so that the VIC (very important child) gets to be on the winning team. and janepig ISNT a parachute (tho we call them helicopter parents), parent so it must have been a shock that she and her husband both complained.
and when jane said that this PE teacher didn't even try to console her daughter ............words fail me.

top_drawer_2

I've just got to say JanePig you're handling it marvellously, IMO. In a few weeks your daughter won't remember being cut from the team but she will remember how her Mum stuck up for her against the mean PE teacher and teach her a lot about handling similar situations in the future.

meritaten

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It happens a lot. One of the nicest calls I got dropping me boiled down to 'Sorry, we've got somebody better then you'. You say 'Cheers, mate, no problem' - and buy another pint. Or you throw a tantrum. Which doesn't help you get any more gigs in the future with them or anybody else who witnesses the 'It's soooooooo unfair' moment.

I rather think Janes dd is a bit young to buy another pint. she didn't even throw a tantrum. sorry jojo, but sometimes in normal families mum and dad DO have to intervene. you call them parachute parents - other people call them 'caring'.

susancs

Janepig wrote: »

I am able to repeat to her what he said to me, which was that he could only take so many kids and it was DD that he decided to drop. Whereas yesterday I wasn't able to tell her anything because I didn't know what was going on myself. I'm not satisfied with that explanation, neither is DD, but it's all we're going to get for now.

Also, if he has to do this again and does it a bit differently next time because of what I told him today then that's a good thing.

I don't particularly feel better, I still dislike the man and I still feel sorry for DD. But we can move on. I suspect he picked on DD because she's quiet and won't give him the amount of grief that some of the others he could have picked would have - they're cheeky enough to argue with him themselves. DD isn't.



He thinks he is!!! :rotfl:

Jx

I think you handled it correctly. It was an inappropriate way for the teacher to treat a child. Fair enough if he felt she was not of the standard required make the team, but she should have been given feedback first and informed by the teacher, not via other children.

FatVonD

I totally agree with the gig analogy, it's like doing all the grotty pub gigs that got the band recognition only to find that when the band have been booked to do Glastonbury you've been replaced and nobody bothered to tell you.

It happens but that doesn't mean you have to like it or that there's no cause for complaint. Most adults would be upset so why wouldn't an 11-year-okd girl be?

Carmina-Piranha_2

How did the other kids find out?

I'd have complained too. It's an inappropriate way to treat primary school children. Hopefully he'll treat these things a bit more sensitively in future because of your meeting with him.