A little bit of late advice from whoever's around!

Takeaway_Addict

FBaby wrote: »

Dissapointment of not being able to do something you had set your heart to do, maybe worked hard to do so and seeing all your friends enjoying the results whilst you are left out is a very big deal at that age.

Like you, my mother couldn't understand this and if it didn't cause, it certainly contributed to my building a wall around me when it came to her later in life.

one example, other people get stronger from the experience. I have been devestated at school but I wouldn't expect my folks to go in there for me. I got over it and got stronger.

Takeaway_Addict

duchy wrote: »

Please tell me you're not a parent..............(or a teacher) !

Thankfully no to either.

pollypenny

Ziggazee wrote: »

Yep......pushy parent syndrome. Your daughter is going to have many disappointments throughout her life......are you going to go running in and demand answers for each and every one of them?

Have you read thread and Jane's question?

The guy needs to learn some sensitivity. He is not Alex Ferguson. :cool:

Janepig

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

So, apart from making you feel a little better its not actually gained you anything and you still had to tell your daughter to get over it.

This was why I was saying mountain out of a molehill

I am able to repeat to her what he said to me, which was that he could only take so many kids and it was DD that he decided to drop. Whereas yesterday I wasn't able to tell her anything because I didn't know what was going on myself. I'm not satisfied with that explanation, neither is DD, but it's all we're going to get for now.

Also, if he has to do this again and does it a bit differently next time because of what I told him today then that's a good thing.

I don't particularly feel better, I still dislike the man and I still feel sorry for DD. But we can move on. I suspect he picked on DD because she's quiet and won't give him the amount of grief that some of the others he could have picked would have - they're cheeky enough to argue with him themselves. DD isn't.

pollypenny wrote: »

Have you read thread and Jane's question?

The guy needs to learn some sensitivity. He is not Alex Ferguson. :cool:

He thinks he is!!! :rotfl:

Jx

janb5

Ziggazee wrote: »

Yep......pushy parent syndrome. Your daughter is going to have many disappointments throughout her life......are you going to go running in and demand answers for each and every one of them?[/QUOTE


Was your comment really thought out and considered and have you read the entire thread? if you had done, the OP explains very clearly and very well IMO that she purposely doesn't rush in at all and this was a completely upsetting situation for her and her daughter.


Could we please get away from posting uncalled for comments that are just spiteful and unnecessary!

geoffky

A life lesson..Plenty more to come..Rejection hurts..

maman

Janepig wrote: »

He thinks he is!!! :rotfl:

Jx

Ironically, that was David Moyes issue last week that his sacking had been handled really badly as it was leaked to the press before anything officially said to him.


You'd have thought this teacher might have learned from that.;)


I'm with you all the way on this Jane.

It's not the fact that your DD has been dropped from the team but that the teacher handled it so badly. It would have been common courtesy to let her know first before talking to other pupils and letting her find out second hand. As a teacher he should be thinking of things like that and showing a good example. Hopefully the Head will recognise this and take him to task for it so he'll think next time.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

FBaby wrote: »

Totally agree, but it doesn't always have to be these circumstances. As explained, in the case of my son, I wasn't surprised that he wasn't picked in the team. I didn't have an issue with him not being picked, I had an issue with no-one taking the time to explain to him why he wasn't picked and showing a bit of understanding that he was disappointed. When I called the school (something I had never done before), it wasn't to tell anyone off, it was to ask if someone could speak with him to explain why he had not been chosen and why one boy who also had not been chosen was then added to the team, so that he could understand that he had not been given preferential treatment.

It is a pity that children -and parents- who only expect better communication are potentially labelled as difficult parents expecting their children to be picked for everything even when they don't deserve it.

The trouble is that the parachute parents are so relentless, it's all too easy, after several of them contacting you repeatedly about everything from a school trip they're totally unsuitable for, why they have to use the kids' toilets rather than the staff one ten foot closer to the classroom, why they aren't a prefect by the end of year 7, why they've been given homework, why they had to wait in a queue for dinner with everybody else when they're hungry, why they don't get to sit in the front row of a school photo when they're twice the height and three times the width of the kids who are at the front...well, it's all too easy to feel a bit hunted.


I get lovely, caring parents call up as well. Often apologising for asking questions, but it's always clear that they are realistic and not trying to push their child as needing special attention. I also get ones who are more concerned about how they look to others, rather than focus on the well being of their child.


I'm sure that nobody here is one of those parents whose phone calls, emails and unexpected appearances causes every member of staff in the place to groan 'oh god, what's she want NOW?'. But those parents do exist. And it's their relentless pursuit of validation through their child that frequently contributes to overworked staff not being as tactful or patient as they would usually be with the rest of the kids.

*max*

The point is it's not about a kid "not making the team". It's about a kid making the team, playing with that team several times and seeing that team, which they are part of and contributed to, go up in whatever league they are playing, then being suddenly asked to leave close to the finals, with no explanation. It's really not the same as "not making the team"!

I'm not a parent, but even I would not be happy with that treatment for anyone. It's just not on. What would you feel if you played sports, or were in a music band, and just before the final game/show you were told "sorry, you're not going to be in it" with no explanation? And not only that, but everyone else in the team knew about it before you did?

We're way too quick about dismissing negative childhood experiences as trivial, and that children should "suck it up". Unfair is unfair, whether you are a child or an adult. The only difference is an adult is able to speak up for themselves and challenge things if they want. Children don't have the option.

pollypenny

*max* wrote: »

The point is it's not about a kid "not making the team". It's about a kid making the team, playing with that team several times and seeing that team, which they are part of and contributed to, go up in whatever league they are playing, then being suddenly asked to leave close to the finals, with no explanation. It's really not the same as "not making the team"!

I'm not a parent, but even I would not be happy with that treatment for anyone. It's just not on. What would you feel if you played sports, or were in a music band, and just before the final game/show you were told "sorry, you're not going to be in it" with no explanation? And not only that, but everyone else in the team knew about it before you did?

We're way too quick about dismissing negative childhood experiences as trivial, and that children should "suck it up". Unfair is unfair, whether you are a child or an adult. The only difference is an adult is able to speak up for themselves and challenge things if they want. Children don't have the option.

Very well said!

Janepigs daughter was part of the team that reached this stage.