Feeling trapped in relationship

Cottage_Economy

Take your children and go now. Screw the emergency bag.

Don't wait until he finds the bag or finds out you're going and escalates his nastiness.

There is nothing that can't be replaced. Except for your health and your life.

Stop feeling sorry for the nasty controlling !!!!, stop feeling guilty about what will happen to him after you've gone.

He spares no such feelings for you.

teawithmilk

Hello Lalaluna, I'm so sorry for what is happening to you. I have only just seen this and I haven't had time to read it all as I'm at work. I can't do a long reply but I am sitting here thinking about you.

I went through very very similar to you. Please believe you can do it. Yes its going to be horrible but take a deep breath and be strong, please.

I had exactly the same problem about tenancies and getting him out of a house which I was basicaly paying for. he had dug his heels in, would refuse to move and I had no physical way of getting rid of him.

You can do it, please keep telling yourself that.

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING.

If the letter shows up and he starts getting angry about it you have two choices- either just front up and tell him, or if you don't feel strong enough to do that just lie. Say the letting agency made a mistake.

Maybe you need a "crunch point" like I did- something to bring it all to a head.

Yes there is going to be chaos in your life and its not going to be nice....but you can get through it, you have to do it for your children. please.

teawithmilk

I have pm'd you..

tayforth

Any update today, lalaluna? I agree with the others, you have to get away ASAP. Please don't worry about his welfare or what he'll say to his family - that's his own problem.

He is controlling you, opening your post, timing you when you go out of the house, telling you that he'll spend your money on himself when your children need clothed, and who knows what else!

Please, please get away from him. For your own sake and for the sake of your girls.

Can you get the emergency bag?

If not, can you contact the police DV unit or Women's Aid for help and advice?

You can get furniture, clothes etc from freecycle and charities. People will help you.

We are all behind you on this thread. I'm sure that there are many wellwishers lurking and reading your updates, and perhaps some women who are in the same situation as you.

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

teawithmilk

I have deliberately posted an update today so that you can see the start and end of my thread. If you just get time please read the first and the last post.......see the difference??

You can do it, babygirl.

Its been the worst year ever for me and DD. She has come through it.

I got a place and lived with just a futon and a portable telly (no furniture) for two weeks...horrible, but I managed it. You can do it too. You can get a brand new divan bed and mattress delivered from gumtree for £80.Its crap but it does the job.


I thought my ex loved me and would come running back to beg me to come back...he never did.


I know its easy for me to say things in hindsight because I thought exactly that when people said that to me, that I was different and that my circumstances were in some way worse or more complicated than everyone else's.

No one can tell you exactly what to do... we can advise, support and send hugs. The advice and support you get here from complete strangers is amazing.

it might not be wise to spend too much energy getting distracted by trying to trace your family at this stage. You need your energy...it sounds silly but make sure you EAT as well. You will need to be physically strong.

lalaluna

Hi all, super quick update, ill try and get back on later tonight.


Yesterday OH Said there is something wrong with me as I left the room to get dressed in private. There has been no intimacy between us for a long long time and it didn't feel right getting dressed where he could see me. He cornered me demanding to know what's wrong, I responded nothing o just wasn't sure about dressing while you were there. He then just stood there watching me dress and making remarks about me trying to get ready for work. I felt so uncomfortable I just wanted to cry. Pretty much set the tone for the rest of the day, a really horrible tension and when he fell asleep I started packing the rest of my bag. I've just got a couple more essentials then I'm done.


phoned my dv support worker this morning, she is currently trying to find me a bed in a refuge. My planned leaving day is Friday so I can leave for school/preschool/work as normal but instead ill go to the children's centre and go from there. So far this week he's been taking me to school and picking me up so ill have to thing of a way to get my bag out.
None of the refuges are local, 20+ miles away. Feeling stressed scared and and very worried but determined at the same time. I just need to make sure I don't talk myself out of it.




I better get off as OH will be back in a sec, ill try and get back on later x

Mojisola

lalaluna wrote: »

He then just stood there watching me dress and making remarks about me trying to get ready for work. I felt so uncomfortable I just wanted to cry.

That was a horrible thing for him to do!

Stay strong - the end is in sight.

RAS

Is there any way you could get a key cut and give it to someone? Then when OH takes you to work, they come in, remove the clothes and get out immediately?

There would be no sign that they had been in at all.

tayforth

Big hugs to you, lalaluna. Stay strong. I don't know how you're getting through each day, and no doubt neither do you. But you will get through the days to come.

The key cutting idea is a good one. Who could you trust to do that for you?

meritaten

could you have a 'sort out' for the charity shop? only hide your emergency bag in there? the refuge would prob be glad of some spare clothes, or you could take the kids clothes this way. would he believe you were going to drop it off on the way to work?