Feeling trapped in relationship

tayforth

Don't alert him that anything is up. If you can, pretend that you've signed the contract and given it in. That will give you some breathing space, even a few days.

Speak to someone at the council who deals with domestic abuse. They should be able to keep quiet the fact that you haven't signed the new contract.

Your husband sounds dangerously controlling. Being angry when you're 'late' home from school is not normal. And that's on top of his other antics. I hope that you can get away soon. Well done on taking steps to prepare, you are doing great. Just be very careful of your safety.

Have you thought about how you will leave, and when? Where will you go? Do you have anyone who could be there for support when you're leaving in case he gets nasty?

imho

Sorry i have not read all this thread but have you not got a friend you can ask to look after clothes in the bag your hiding.
i think you need someone in front of you to say to you that you have to leave him and do it now.You dont owe him nothing. He sounds like a right control freak.
Give your children a better life away from him.

BigAunty

lalaluna wrote: »

I have no idea what to do. If I put off signing it things between us are going to get even more sour. If I pretend to sign it and pretend to give it in OH is going to find out still. I have no idea what to do and I've come on here out of desperation

Be strong.

You have been told by a DV expert not to sign it. You are aware that you will be liable for the rent and that ending the tenancy during a fixed term is much harder than ending a periodic tenancy.

It is common for tenants to want security of tenure, particularly as a family.

However, in context, this is a personal disaster for you. It suits your partner to think that he has you trapped for another year and still yieldi to his demands.

Is it a joint tenancy agreement held in both your names or in your sole name?

Have you contacted the local council domestic abuse and homelessness services?

BigAunty

lalaluna wrote: »

I have no money, friends or family. I don't even know where my family are as they moved to a different county. .

How are you getting on tracing your family through the BT online residential phone book, facebook, 192.com or similar?

lalaluna

I phoned my letting agent in a last minute panic. She confirmed what's already been said about automatically moving onto a periodic. If the new contract isn't in by tomorrow they'll send out a new agreement confirming the move to periodic tenancy. OH thinks I'm taking the new fixed one in tomorrow so I'm going to pls along and hope the letting agent isn't too enthusiastic in sending the letter. I'll have to cross that bridge when it comes, OH opens all post, even mine but I may be lucky enough to get to I first, obviously a roll of the dice regarding that.


The meeting I had last Friday (I think?) was with the housing department at the council which specializes in dv and homelessness. They told me to apply for a place on the housing register which I have done, I'm hoping to hear back by the end of next week. The reply should be going to the children's centre and not here so he wont see it.


In an ideal world I was hoping that I could find accommodation and move the girls straight out so its in one transition if you know what I mean? After the meeting with the council a refuge is not an option for me. I somehow managed to overlook the fact that while waiting for my way out I still have to live with OH. It honestly feels like I'm waiting for a bomb to go off. Everytime I leave the house its 'hurry up this time, don't take ages, try not to take 4 hours to get home', we are barely talking and he sits glaring at me all the time. I see him out of the corner of my eye just glaring and when I look at him he looks away with a disgusted look on his face. Everyday he asks when are you getting paid, how much, check your bank. I've been saying I haven't been paid yet (I have, and hidden my last bank statement that shows this as well as hidden my bank card). He's fully aware I'm desperate for clothes and me and the girls need shoes and he's made I quite clear my wages will be buying him new clothes.
I honestly have no idea if I'm brave enough to make the jump into emergency housing, but I'm now thinking I should seriously consider it. I've been told it could be anything from a hotel room to an empty house and that they wont have any thing. I'll need to provide all the essential basics and i just don't know if I can financially manage it. But at the same time I cant go on living like this.

tayforth wrote: »

Don't alert him that anything is up. If you can, pretend that you've signed the contract and given it in. That will give you some breathing space, even a few days.

Speak to someone at the council who deals with domestic abuse. They should be able to keep quiet the fact that you haven't signed the new contract.

Your husband sounds dangerously controlling. Being angry when you're 'late' home from school is not normal. And that's on top of his other antics. I hope that you can get away soon. Well done on taking steps to prepare, you are doing great. Just be very careful of your safety.

Have you thought about how you will leave, and when? Where will you go? Do you have anyone who could be there for support when you're leaving in case he gets nasty?

lalaluna

imho wrote: »

Sorry i have not read all this thread but have you not got a friend you can ask to look after clothes in the bag your hiding.
i think you need someone in front of you to say to you that you have to leave him and do it now.You dont owe him nothing. He sounds like a right control freak.
Give your children a better life away from him.

I don't have anything like that. I considered asking work but that's no good if I need it outside school hours. I'm slowly getting bits together in a bag under my bed but its a low bed and I cant fill it up as there's no room. I think there's more room under the girls bed but he's. Upstairs so ill have to wait.

Gigervamp

If you get given an empty house, there are charities who will provide furniture and other bits and pieces. Ask the dv person you're talking to about it.

Many women have left with just the clothes on their back.

All the best.

lalaluna

Its in both names. If I leave they wont accept the tenancy under his name as he is out of work. He has the option of moving back to his dads however that would mean he would have to take responsibility for his actions. His family believe he is still working despite getting himself sacked over a year ago.


The council told me to apply for the housing register so whichever way I leave in already on I and it will save time. Still waiting to hear back regarding that. They've suggested waiting it out but if it gets to much they will provide emergency accommodation. They recommended similar to what's in the handbook on the women's aid website regarding emergency bag's.

BigAunty wrote: »

Be strong.

You have been told by a DV expert not to sign it. You are aware that you will be liable for the rent and that ending the tenancy during a fixed term is much harder than ending a periodic tenancy.

It is common for tenants to want security of tenure, particularly as a family.

However, in context, this is a personal disaster for you. It suits your partner to think that he has you trapped for another year and still yieldi to his demands.

Is it a joint tenancy agreement held in both your names or in your sole name?

Have you contacted the local council domestic abuse and homelessness services?

meritaten

hunny - take your documents, your kids, and your money. everything else can be obtained after you leave. and leave you must. The sooner the better. from what I have read tonight - he is getting more controlling and may even have an inkling that you are not completely under his control. that's dangerous for you. phone womens aid or the police DV unit and get out as soon as you can.

and his welfare after you leave - you simply cannot worry about. your PRIORITY is you and the children. he will either get up off his !!!!! and work or not. that is HIS problem. he has sponged off you long enough.

BigAunty

Remember that the emergency accommodation is interim accommodation and is temporary only. The key message has always been to prioritise your safety.

I can see why you hope for just a single move but in an emergency situation, this is unlikely and this is also the reason why the council is unable to specify where you will be placed. Many homeless people, from all sorts of different backgrounds but that have been designated as having priority need but have the right to being housed by the council, have to contemplate two moves.

To be honest, it sounds like your council is very immature in DV matters or perhaps my council is very advanced - our council actually has empty temporary furnished flats on standby to offer to those made homeless by DV and a 24 hour service.

http://www.glasgow.gov.uk/index.aspx?articleid=4644

Perhaps when are through this mess and out the otherside, you can raise this lack of planning around DV resources with your local MP and petition for a Glasgow model to be there, so a person who is fleeing from an unsafe space can at least be sure there are basic provisions in the property she is assigned, not have the council add to the stress by saying 'we are clueless as to the type of property you will be given and you might not have a thing in the house, nothing to sleep on, nothing to cook with!.

However, as others have said, there are usually charities in the local area that help to furnish homeless properties, including kitchen ware, there are crisis loan type funding provided by councils (it used to be the DWP but it moved to local authorities) so there are usually means of getting up and running fairly quickly, even if you might have to cope with hardship at the immediate outset.