Feeling trapped in relationship

iaps

If contract sim is locked to 3- mobile network and you buy 3-mobile network's pay&go sim, then the phone should work.

3 pay&go tariff is 3p/min, 2p/text, 1p/MB, the lowest top-up is £10.

PlymouthMaid

Here's to a happy future Lalaluna once the dust has settled. x

lalaluna

Hi again, had a long slow kinda day, walked around the town and got a couple of bits. I got a 3 payg sim from a 99p shop but I haven't swapped yet. There is supposed to be a Asda nearby so I'm going to see if they have any cheap phones tomorrow. I've spent the day feeling nothing in particular but I'm now feeling really low. It came on as I was making the girls dinner. I kinda feel like I want to go home but I don't know what it is I want to go back for. I really did love OH once, not really the last year, the love was replaced by fear. I don't see him changing and I I go back I see things getting worse. But at the same time I miss my things, the girls miss there things. I know its all just stuff. It can be replaced but I feel like I've been forced out of my home. As much as I hated that house it was all familiar, I knew the area and I knew faces.
I feel awful for taking the girls from their dad. It must be so horrible not knowing where your own children are. I've no idea what to do about custody and visits. I want them to see the inlaws and their daddy bit I'm terrified that if I let the go they'll take them from me and I wont get them back.
I have no idea where I want to go from here, part of me wants to move back to where I came from, its where I've lived my whole life, I have family there but then on the flip side am I going to be looking over my shoulder the whole time. Eldest I missing school and her friends, I just don't know what to tell her. Another part of me wants to seize the opportunity to move somewhere different. I'd love to live somewhere like Brighton but I don't think they'd house me there. I say Brighton as it has good rail links back to my hometown so i shouldn't feel too secluded iykwim. I'm not very good with public transport, don't drive and have a preety rubbish sense of direction but I think I could cope with the train from hometown to Brighton and vice versa. I think one of the other girls said yesterday that someone else was told they could only be rehoused in this town but it feels so isolated.
maybe im worrying about too much too soon but I cant get these thoughts out of my head. I've only heard snippets of a couple of the other girls stories but I dont feel like I should be here. Their partners/expartners sound a lot worse than mine. I feel completely lost.

dandy-candy

Think of this as a breather. Getting your head around this and custody, visits, guilt etc is overwhelming. Tell yourself you are going to de stress for a week and then have a good think. Spend this time doing all the things your OH didn't let you do with the kids - go to the park, mc Donald's, the cinema (if it's affordable).
Don't feel you need to compare to others there. Mental abuse can drive people to suicide. Don't think of your suffering as less than there's just because u don't have bruises.

meritaten

lala - right now think of it as a 'respite'. a time to stop and think and re-evualate.

you are missing 'home' - of course you are. 'home' is where you're used to. its familiar to you. home is full of YOUR touches. your decoration, your furniture, its all YOURS. you are now in a place where nothing is yours. but, its a stop on the way to getting YOUR place, YOURS hun, just you and your kids. and you can do it your way there.
a dad who 'terrorises' their mum - the kids can do without that. you don't want them growing up thinking THATS normal do you?
he isn't a great dad - he didn't do bu99er all with them did he? why would they miss him - and if they did then they would be constantly asking after him...................................they don't do they?
You have done the right thing - believe me.
make a new life for yourself, you can do it. you are an intelligent woman and you have got yourself out, got the kids out, and you CAN make a wonderful new life for yourselves. have patience though and LISTEN to the people in the refuge. you are no less deserving than anyone else - in fact I think 'mental abuse' like you have suffered is worse. to mess with someones mind is the worst sort of abuse.

Tigersilly

lalaluna wrote: »

Hi again, had a long slow kinda day, walked around the town and got a couple of bits. I got a 3 payg sim from a 99p shop but I haven't swapped yet. There is supposed to be a Asda nearby so I'm going to see if they have any cheap phones tomorrow. I've spent the day feeling nothing in particular but I'm now feeling really low. It came on as I was making the girls dinner. I kinda feel like I want to go home but I don't know what it is I want to go back for. I really did love OH once, not really the last year, the love was replaced by fear. I don't see him changing and I I go back I see things getting worse. But at the same time I miss my things, the girls miss there things. I know its all just stuff. It can be replaced but I feel like I've been forced out of my home. As much as I hated that house it was all familiar, I knew the area and I knew faces.
I feel awful for taking the girls from their dad. It must be so horrible not knowing where your own children are. I've no idea what to do about custody and visits. I want them to see the inlaws and their daddy bit I'm terrified that if I let the go they'll take them from me and I wont get them back.
I have no idea where I want to go from here, part of me wants to move back to where I came from, its where I've lived my whole life, I have family there but then on the flip side am I going to be looking over my shoulder the whole time. Eldest I missing school and her friends, I just don't know what to tell her. Another part of me wants to seize the opportunity to move somewhere different. I'd love to live somewhere like Brighton but I don't think they'd house me there. I say Brighton as it has good rail links back to my hometown so i shouldn't feel too secluded iykwim. I'm not very good with public transport, don't drive and have a preety rubbish sense of direction but I think I could cope with the train from hometown to Brighton and vice versa. I think one of the other girls said yesterday that someone else was told they could only be rehoused in this town but it feels so isolated.
maybe im worrying about too much too soon but I cant get these thoughts out of my head. I've only heard snippets of a couple of the other girls stories but I dont feel like I should be here. Their partners/expartners sound a lot worse than mine. I feel completely lost.

Hello I wanted to talk from the perspective of someone who was a child when her mother left her father owing to his violence and alcoholism. My mother left my father when I was three years old to move to a Women's Aid Shelter. There is not a day that I think that my mother did the wrong thing. My father was controlling, would fly into a rage, and beat my mother. I remember trying to pull him off her when I was around 2/3 years old and him pushing me back then saying 'kindly' "darling, don't do that". When I was born he accused my mother of having an affair and that I wasn't his (until I was born and he deemed me cute enough - then I was his). He also had a son from an earlier marriage who he treated abysmally and who later went into care when my mother left. For the first 7 years of my life we lived in temporary accommodation (until the early 1990s when we were provided with a council flat). Did my mother do the right thing? 100%. I am doing a PhD now and hope to settle into a research career this year. I dread to think what my options would have been had my mother stayed. Did my mother feel guilty? Yes, I distinctly remember her crying when she was told my father had died - she said "I feel so sad that he didn't see his daughter grow up". He made some awful choices and inflicted a lot of pain on others around him. My mother had to secure her and my safety - away from him. When I was 11 I went to the doctor's surgery with my mum for an appointment and I had to listen to one of his female friends complaining to the receptionist that my mother had 'stolen' me away. My father had been giving everyone a very twisted version of the truth and it made me feel incredibly angry as I sat in the surgery listening to her say those things. People will rally around abusers, but it doesn't mean that you too have to buy into anyone's twisted worldview. If you return to your husband - a man with a very fragile ego who needs to protect and save face - he may harm you and your children.

Take care.

millysg1

Lalaluna - How are you doing?

lalaluna

Hi guys thanks for your messages. I actually feel like I have a different head on my shoulders. I don't feel 'free' like I was told I would feel. But I feel like I've really turned a corner.
However, one thing is really weighing on my mind. As he has been the last few days OH has been texting saying hoe he loves me misses needs another chance etc etc blah blah blah. Today I asked him ' do you know why I left?' His response (I'm not surprised) 'no why?'
Well I told him, unhealthy relationship just because its not physical doesn't mean its not abusive because it is, basically I poured my heart out and upset myself in the process. His responses to several texts Sai exactly the same thing but worded differently each time so I even questioned I he was reading them. This all led to him sending me a.lengthy email explaining why he has been behaving this way. He says he has treated me this way (he is finally accepting all his behaviour is wrong) because he didn't want to lose me. He has let his life go to the dogs the past couple of years and has been taking it out on me. He has said me leaving has given him the kick up the butt he's needed and is begging for another chance. Now part of me wants to believe he will change. I cant say if he will or won't time will tell. He has offered to move into his dads and I move back into the house with the girls which I would love to do but part of me isn't sure. I really want to go home and I've made a vow to myself that I not going to allow myself to be treated like crap anymore, not just for me but the girls as well.
I suppose the reason I'm hesitant is because i don't want to mislead him, I just want routine and stability for my girls.

lalaluna

Did that make sense? Its hard to explain but its like a switch has gone off and I'm simply not prepared to be treated wrong anymore. I want my independence back and live like a human being and if he doesn't like it then tough. I've never felt this determined before its really quite strange lol

rach29

I've been following your thread, but I have de-lurked to beg you, please don't be taken in!!! He's spent many years manipulating you & he knows exactly how to press your buttons. Which is what he's doing now. You don't feel "free" because you aren't yet, you may be physically free of him, but it will be a long time before you are mentally free & if you "engage" with him you allow him to press your buttons all over again. Please change your SIM and cut all contact with him (for now at least) He will work his way back in. If you let him & it will be harder to break away a second time. Give yourself space & time to grieve for the relationship you wished for but didn't have. Talk to your support network, but whatever you do, don't talk, email, text him. He is playing you now as he always has. Take care of you & the kids xxx (retreats back to lurkdom)