Found out my Dad has another family...

Bennifred

So are the older (number one) set of half-siblings aware that there is a younger (number three) set of half-siblings?

Darci

Bennifred wrote: »

So are the older (number one) set of half-siblings aware that there is a younger (number three) set of half-siblings?

Yes, just me and my full sister and our mother that are unaware it seems.

POPPYOSCAR

Darci wrote: »

The woman DID know about Dad's family- she worked for him and everyone there was aware of my Mum as she often helped out. I'm fact, my mum will have known this other woman.

There surely were wads of cash back then, he used to be wealthy but sadly there is no money left! All wasted on bad decisions.

The older siblings all have different mothers to each other! He certainly is/was a charmer. But my Mum is definitely an amazing woman - she sounds weak but isn't at all and she gave me an excellent childhood and is there for me no matter what. I don't want to hurt her even if I think she 'deserves' to know the truth.

Grown up life and family lies suck.

How do you feel about your dad?

Darci

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

How do you feel about your dad?

Weird. But today I had to call my mum about something and he answered and I realised I just am not disgusted by him like i fell I 'should' be. It just felt exactly the same.

I'm so happy in met the sisters and even though I don't think he treated them well, I don't know that I want my relationship to change with him. I've known them a day and him for my whole life. I'm not overly surprised to find more siblings (so that's 7 of us with 5 different mums) but I was still shocked, if that makes sense. Finding out that they're so lovely and happy to stay quiet has emphasised my positive feelings about it. I'm angry with him but there again, I could also be annoyed at Mum for putting up with his behaviour (this isn't the only selfish thing he's done).

POPPYOSCAR

Well it is good that you feel ok towards him when you are going on holiday all together, otherwise it might be quite awkward.

Like you said earlier enjoy your holiday and perhaps think on it some more when you get back.

I am just amazed that this has taken so long to come to your attention with so many people knowing.

troubleinparadise

Darci wrote: »

Weird. But today I had to call my mum about something and he answered and I realised I just am not disgusted by him like i fell I 'should' be. It just felt exactly the same.

I'm so happy in met the sisters and even though I don't think he treated them well, I don't know that I want my relationship to change with him. I've known them a day and him for my whole life. I'm not overly surprised to find more siblings (so that's 7 of us with 5 different mums) but I was still shocked, if that makes sense. Finding out that they're so lovely and happy to stay quiet has emphasised my positive feelings about it. I'm angry with him but there again, I could also be annoyed at Mum for putting up with his behaviour (this isn't the only selfish thing he's done).

But with your Mum putting up with his behaviour, whilst it may have been a front and contain an element of personal denial, meant that you were able to have a happy family life that you enjoyed without question until this revelation.

So perhaps be grateful to her, rather than annoyed - she made a choice, possibly for selfish reasons (ie, she loved your father, didn't want to change the life she had, even with the indiscretions) but provided you with a stable family home with two parents - she sounds quite "unselfish" to me....

And your father still is the same man, you just know something new about him - so he obviously isn't a monster, just someone whose lifestyle choices you are having to come to terms with (I can't imagine the stress of trying to keep all that secret etc!), but he's still a good dad to you, nonetheless? There are worse things in life, but I can understand your shock, and I would find it difficult to assimilate.

Perhaps just sit back for a while, and see what you you feel about things. And consider what you hope to achieve by confrontation - although for me honesty always works best. What do you want?

pollypenny

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I find that a derogatory term for someone who could be innocent in all this.

But Darci has just said, she knew the woman that she was betraying very well.

I'm glad for Darci that she seems happy with her new half siblings and even her dad. Her concern for her mother shows her good nature.

But that man..........!

POPPYOSCAR

pollypenny wrote: »

But Darci has just said, she knew the woman that she was betraying very well.

I'm glad for Darci that she seems happy with her new half siblings and even her dad. Her concern for her mother shows her good nature.

But that man..........!

But neither I or you knew that when you made your post so you were assuming, just as you assumed her family struggled financially, which they did not by the sound of things.

Her post saying her mum knew the woman came as a result of our discussion.

Yes 7 children by 5 mothers, sounds a bit like Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart!

lemontart

not a good situation for the op - I do not think there is one simple answer.

I found out I had a 1/2 brother around the same age as me after my dad died, met him at dad's funeral (my mum was not there as long separated by then) thought he looked familiar but did not actually find out until we spoke a few weeks later on the phone, I have chosen not to tell my mother as it would most certainly be a case of shoot the messenger and I really do not want or need that.

BJV

Robisere wrote: »

Holding on to a family secret is very difficult, hard on anyone who knows it. I have been holding on to one for decades, but I have no intention of letting it out into the open, too many people will be affected, some hurt badly I suspect.

So sorry for you and well for everyone.

It sounds like carry this around affected you in many ways.

What would you do if you had your time over? Would you still carry it around?