Found out my Dad has another family...

geminilady

Everybody seems to think the mum knows but what if she does not? It would be a lot worse to find out after he dies.People have hidden much worse things from close relatives.OP you know your mum best,do you think she would have told you if she did know and how would she react if she knew you found out and not told her?.As other have said speak to your Dad and the half sister then you will have a better picture.

pollypenny

This is not like a situation where a child has been born before marriage and adopted or the parents split up.

This a about two children, conceived and supported during a long marriage. This is a betrayal of the first family, the wife and OP and her full siblings.

I imagine the Ops mother had to count the pennies and budget carefully throughout her marriage, as most of us have to. Imagine going short as husband is channeling money to some bit on the side, which is what she was!
I would be asking my father for an immediate explanation. And, by god, it would have to be a good one.

izoomzoom

In that the OP has been in touch with the half-sister, is there anything to suggest that the half-sister hasn't already been in touch with the father, so that he knows that the OP knows .....

TBagpuss

Darci, what a horrible dilemma to have to face. It is very unfair of your father to have put you, and your half siblings, in this situation.

I think it is appropriate for you to speak to your father and to let him know that you know, that you intend to meet with your half siblings and to let your sister know, so she can decide whether she wants to meet them.


I would also make clear to him that you will not lie for him or back him up in any lies.

It is reasonable to ask him whether you mum knew about his affair either at the time it was happneing, or since. Does she know that he has an ongoing relationship with his other children?

If he is unwilling to discuss this with you then it may be worth while pointing out to him that it is, in the nature of things, likely that he will predecease your mum and that if she finds out because his other children turn up at the funeral it will be you and your sister who have to deal with the effect of his behaviour.

Only you can decide whether you would be able to cope with saying nothing, but given that you do now know, you are perfectly entitled to tell your dad that you will be speaking to your mum because you are not willing to hurt her by having her find out, at some point in the future, that you knew and did not tell her. You do not owe him your silence, this is your life, your business, and your relationship with your mum, as well as with your siblings, and you must decide what you think will be best for you, not what your dad wants or what he thinks is best.

That said, you cannot un-say anything once it has been said, so do take some time to think things through before you share the news (if you decide to share i with anyone) I personally would be deeply hurt if I learned that one of my siblings knew something like this and did not tell me, so in your position i would tell your sister.

UYou may find it helpful to see a counsellor so you have someone who is not involved who you can speak to, and get support from.

duchy

pollypenny wrote: »

This is not like a situation where a child has been born before marriage and adopted or the parents split up.

This a about two children, conceived and supported during a long marriage. This is a betrayal of the first family, the wife and OP and her full siblings.

I imagine the Ops mother had to count the pennies and budget carefully throughout her marriage, as most of us have to. Imagine going short as husband is channeling money to some bit on the side, which is what she was!
I would be asking my father for an immediate explanation. And, by god, it would have to be a good one.

I think you are forgetting their are children of both unions affected by this............ and the OP has already said she believes her Mother *may* know anyway. I think you're projecting a bit-it isn't about what you'd do it's about the OP,
As for a "bit on the side" You have no idea if the Father lied to both women or only one so you are rather jumping to conclusions.

BJV

Think we are all concentrating on if your mum does or does not know and forgetting the effects on you if you say nothing and try to keep it secret.

You have to do what you think is best. We do not know your parents and only you know what is best and how they will react.

But for your sake and the sake of the relationship with you and your parents you can not ignore it.

Please speak to your dad and let him explain himself.

whodathunkit

RuthnJasper wrote: »

It IS her business - it's her father and it affects her mother. Sorry, but I believe Darci has absolutely every right to talk to her own father about this.

Darci - hope everything will be OK in the end. x

Totally contradictory - if this were the case then everything to do with your parents would be your business!

(Mind you, I don't believe a word of it.)

POPPYOSCAR

duchy wrote: »

I think you are forgetting their are children of both unions affected by this............ and the OP has already said she believes her Mother *may* know anyway. I think you're projecting a bit-it isn't about what you'd do it's about the OP,
As for a "bit on the side" You have no idea if the Father lied to both women or only one so you are rather jumping to conclusions.

I think Pollypenny may also have missed the fact that there are three families this affects.

The Op did say that she has older siblings by her dad so her family is not the 'original' one anyway, if in fact that matters, which I do not think it does.

whodathunkit

RuthnJasper wrote: »

It IS her business - it's her father and it affects her mother. Sorry, but I believe Darci has absolutely every right to talk to her own father about this.

Darci - hope everything will be OK in the end. x

Totally contradictory - if this were the case then everything to do with your parents would be your business!

(Mind you, I don't believe a word of it.)

POPPYOSCAR

whodathunkit wrote: »

Totally contradictory - if this were the case then everything to do with your parents would be your business!

(Mind you, I don't believe a word of it.)[/QUOTE]


Why posted twice?

And why do you not believe it?

When I worked in insurance we had to deal with a man who had two families on the go. Neither knew about the other.

He split his week between the two of them and made financial provision for them both in the event of his death.

He was a business man and earned good money so he was able to have two homes etc. with no problem.