Found out my Dad has another family...

RuthnJasper

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

This is your father's private business and you are not entitled to do any "confronting" or anything else about it as you have no absolute right to an explanation from him. In your position I would do and say nothing. It surely is a horrible tangled mess but it's not yours to interfere or fix

It IS her business - it's her father and it affects her mother. Sorry, but I believe Darci has absolutely every right to talk to her own father about this.

Darci - hope everything will be OK in the end. x

POPPYOSCAR

RuthnJasper wrote: »

It IS her business - it's her father and it affects her mother. Sorry, but I believe Darci has absolutely every right to talk to her own father about this.

Darci - hope everything will be OK in the end. x

I agree - she now has other siblings, which is a big thing.

carefullycautious

Get the holiday over with and then talk with your dad first. If he has sworn these other children to secrecy it would seem he did not want you or your mum to find out.

You never know he may be relieved that the secret is over and that he does not have to deceive you any longer.

swingaloo

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

This is your father's private business and you are not entitled to do any "confronting" or anything else about it as you have no absolute right to an explanation from him. In your position I would do and say nothing. It surely is a horrible tangled mess but it's not yours to interfere or fix

That is so wrong, speaking as someone who has been in a similar position to the OP I feel that the OP does have a right to confront her dad.

There is always more to this than an outsider can understand and a tangled web dosnt just disappear. I was 'blackmailed' into keeping a family secret of this kind although the girl was my mums child not my dads. She desperately wanted to meet her half siblings and because of the 'you must not say anything' I held on thinking that when my dad and mum had passed I could tell my other siblings and sort things out. Mum died first and then before dad died this 'hidden' child passed away and I was left with a family secret which did come out but too late for my siblings to meet the secret sister.

Its a horrible situation to be in which has far flung consequences and as the OP is in the situation created by her dad then she has every right to confront him.

These things always come out in the end and I know from experience that parents who keep these sort of secrets only pass the guilt to someone else.

ash28

Years ago I was in a similar situation.....I found out through an aunt that I had an older half brother by my father.

I didn't say anything to either of my parents at the time, I was 16. One day I walked in from school to find my half brother visiting our house.

When he asked me if I knew who he was I was able to tell him that I did. My mother had known about him for years but had told my father that under no circumstances were we (their children) to be told - why? To this day I have no real idea, other than the fact that my mother wouldn't want us to know there were any skeletons in the family closet.

It was quite strange really as he saw my grandmother and my father's sisters on a fairly regular basis. We were the only ones who didn't know.

System

The question is - Are you willing to take the risk and accept the responsibility of you being the cause of your family possibly imploding by mentioning it?

If you are willing to accept that you will potentially wreck your family and alienate quite a few of them then go for it.

vroombroom

Gosh, this could be my dad we're talking about. He was married to my mum for about 25 years and had a child when they were engaged and one towards the end of the marriage.

The eldest one we knew about - he was in and out of our lives (usually when he needed money) and the youngest one we found out when the mother posted DNA results through our letter box:eek:

Needless to say I have nothing to do with my father anymore (not just those two kids, but a million other reasons) and I've not seen the eldest for around 10 years or ever met the youngest one. I have no desire to.

Personally I would tell your dad ASAP. It is not nice having it on your mind (I was the one who opened the DNA results). Not nice at all.

egoode

You definitely need to talk to your Dad and tell him that you know.

I've got a friend who was the daughter of a 'second' family. Her Dad's wife knew about their family and her Mum also knew the situation but none of the kids were told until one of her brothers ran into his Dad with his other children and then they were all told the truth. In the end her Dad left his wife and married her Mum which her half siblings never accepted and she's not close to them. However this all happened when the kids were 10-20 years old. So unlikely to happen in your case!

When you speak to your Dad try and stay calm but you should make it clear to him that you don't want to be part of keeping the secret from your mum (if she doesn't know) or your sister and that he needs to come let everyone know the truth.

GobbledyGook

What a shock for you.

Do you know how long your half-siblings have known and why they decided to let you know about it now?

Personally I think not speaking to your parents would be wrong. If your mother doesn't know then saying nothing when it's almost guaranteed to emerge when your father passes away is risky (if not a little cruel). There is a chance that she does know.

Also if she doesn't know then do you also want to be lying to her? If you weren't planning on meeting your half-sister then maybe my thoughts would be different, but if it comes out (especially at a bad time) then how bad, and humiliated, is your mother going to feel if not only does the half sister and her family know, but your older half siblings know AND not only does her child know, but they built a relationship with the half sister and kept it from them.

*Louise*

I think you have to speak to him, and when finding out the details find out if your mum knows.

Like other posters, I also think there is a good chance she may know and they have perhaps put it behind them but alternatively if she doesn't know you need to know what is going to be revealed if he dies before her. Finding out about other children would be awful but I think it possibly being announced at a will reading would be so much more difficult for her.