Tired of being the chauffeur

Pixie5740

You just fall into a trap giving people lifts like the OP has done with her OH. It sets a prescedent which can lead to resentment. I got out of it by selling my car This wasn't the reason for selling my car but was a nice bonus. In some ways I found it liberating not having a car and all the expenses that went with it. I just had to be more organised but was fortunate in that I lived somewhere with great public transport links and had a decent sized Co-op less than a 5 minute walk from my flat.

Some days I think about getting rid of my car again and just hiring one as and when needed although I don't really like car hire companies.

cef66

I'm another one who thinks learning to drive is a life skill, like swimming and that everyone should at least try to learn.

I would be very concerned if I had a partner who couldn't drive in case of an emergency or family problem where you needed to be somewhere quickly. Obviously if you live somewhere with good public transport this would be less of a problem but I can think of lots of scenarios, especially when you have children, where having a car makes a huge difference.

I think the OP should make a deal with her partner that she will happily drive to the weddings if he has driving lessons for the equivalent amount of driving time. After a few lessons he may even start to enjoy it but if even if he hates it at least he's given it a go.

As far as picking up the stepchild I would expect his dad to be in the car every time you do this, so at least he's aware of the time it takes up and he's making an effort too.

dandelionclock30

I wouldnt be ferrying his child about, if hes working then he can pay for taxis's . Regarding the weddings I would expect him to go on the train and pay for the tickets. Or go on National Express, this is what people have to do when they dont drive.
To me he sounds like hes not very independent and a taker.

lostinrates

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I dont drive, I cycle and use the buses, but I live in a big city so getting about isnt a problem.
I think its better for the environment if theres less cars on the road and when I get lift off friends to go to sporting events etc I give them petrol money and buy them drinks as well. So it shares the costs and helps them out.
Back to OP I think it would be a good idea to support him with learning to drive, like taking him out in between lessons etc. If he doesnt want to do it then he could learn to ride a motorbike and pick his son up on this.I think if you dont drive you cant expect lifts off others. You make your choice really but have to be self sufficent.

cef66 wrote: »

I'm another one who thinks learning to drive is a life skill, like swimming and that everyone should at least try to learn.

I would be very concerned if I had a partner who couldn't drive in case of an emergency or family problem where you needed to be somewhere quickly. Obviously if you live somewhere with good public transport this would be less of a problem but I can think of lots of scenarios, especially when you have children, where having a car makes a huge difference.

I think the OP should make a deal with her partner that she will happily drive to the weddings if he has driving lessons for the equivalent amount of driving time. After a few lessons he may even start to enjoy it but if even if he hates it at least he's given it a go.

As far as picking up the stepchild I would expect his dad to be in the car every time you do this, so at least he's aware of the time it takes up and he's making an effort too.

I'm between these positions. I believe people should if they are able to learn to drive and have the skill at their disposal, but agree that not driving by choice is a good stance to take. We are a one car couple and have no desire to be a two car one if we can avoid it. Ultimately it might be finding the right car rather than our usage that pushes us closer to two cars, so far we have avoided it and are determined to continue it.


OP my DH didn't drive when we met and I taught him to drive, It was a very bad move from me. I find I am reluctant to relax and rely on him, even though he is a perfect driver. It took him some time, was a little expensive and I am still main driver, because mon to fri he lives away for work, where he uses public transport. He is a safe driver, if perhaps a little slow and with no innate sense of direction, which means he tends to get lost a bit). What we tend to do is share driving. I drive on the way to places ( so we get there on time ) and he drives back. Because of the sense of direction thing I tend to find I feel over involved in his leg of journeys but.....its just not his thing. We have different strengths and weaknesses. I do feel it would have been stronger were he a driver from an earlier age, but he wasn't and he cannot change that. So what's the point in hashing it and rehashing it? . the other alternative in our life is that we live somewhere less rural, so there was no reliance on cars at all and that would be sad for both of us, but probably mostly me.

I am facing the possibility of giving up my licence for medical reasons I the future and the idea of losing my independence and freedom to get in a car and go somewhere off the beaten track many myself makes me very sad indeed. Though we live rurally I actually think I can cope with no car mon to Friday if I am organised and use taxis judiciously and supermarket delivery services ( I won't be able sadly to opt for cycling or walking instead for health reasons, annoyingly:( )

FBaby

I'm amazed at the number of people who think that driving is a life skill. It probably explains why there is so much traffic everywhere because people consider a right to be able to drive or be driven everywhere.

What's wrong with public transport? I know a number of people who don't drive and are very happy not to and to rely on public transport. Might not be ideal in the middle of the country, but most middle size towns have very good public transport.

I really don't see why taking the train is a problem for your OH OP. If you book in advance, it doesn't cost more than driving. My kids like most would prefer me to drive them everywhere, but it is a question of compromises. I sometimes do but they know that they need to take buses/trains at other times depending on my schedule or just how I feel. They know I am not their taxi driver.

balletshoes

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

OMG, Really?! In your mind does that not make him a 'real man' then?

stop. feeding. it .

Bennifred

FBaby wrote: »

I'm amazed at the number of people who think that driving is a life skill. It probably explains why there is so much traffic everywhere because people consider a right to be able to drive or be driven everywhere.

What's wrong with public transport? I know a number of people who don't drive and are very happy not to and to rely on public transport. Might not be ideal in the middle of the country, but most middle size towns have very good public transport.....................

Well, as I said earlier, for me it is a lifeskill, and one I'm very glad to have. I have MS. I can just about walk, using a stick, as far as to my car from my house. I can't walk as far as the nearest bus stop, and I suspect I'd have trouble getting onto the bus and then balancing on the seat. Then I'd have to walk to wherever I was trying to go.

On days when I am too fatigued to drive, I'm grateful for the fact that my DH can drive if I need taking somewhere.

Along with swimming, driving is one of the skills I was happy all of my children aquired before they left home. They are very happy to have those skills, too! :j

jetplane

FBaby wrote: »

I'm amazed at the number of people who think that driving is a life skill. It probably explains why there is so much traffic everywhere because people consider a right to be able to drive or be driven everywhere.

I'm amazed that you're amazed :cool: many people put this as an important skill to have. I don't think its anyone's right to drive or be driven but I think families living further apart, varied access to public transport and job prospects are just some of the reasons why having a driving licence is on the list of modern life skills. On public transport would take me over 1 hour 30 mins to get to work it takes me 15 mins to drive and once there I could not do my job without a driving licence.

My sister is unable to drive due to epilepsy and this restricts her life more than her actual seizures.

Brighton_belle

FBaby wrote: »

I'm amazed at the number of people who think that driving is a life skill.

But surely it is a life skill, just like reading and swimming - it's very useful to have but doesn't mean it has to be practised all the time.

borkid

FBaby wrote: »

Might not be ideal in the middle of the country, but most middle size towns have very good public transport.

Not even a case of not being ideal in a lot of rural places. I can only get to the city 25 miles away by bus ( only 2 a day on weekdays) and because it goes around all the villages it takes 75 mins instead of the 35 mins it takes to drive. There is no bus service to the nearby towns, nearest is 8 miles away. We do have a very good village shop and I could manage so long as I didn't want a social life outside of the village or need to visit the dentist, hospital or family but life would be very limited.

I am retired but if I needed to go to work everyday it wouldn't be possible without a car.