Tired of being the chauffeur

borkid

BigJockKnew wrote: »

Why do women complain about stuff that men have been doing for years?

I've heard just as many men complain about their wives not driving as vice versa.

When my children were teens it was always me that had to drive them as hubby wouldn't go out once he'd got in from work unless he wanted to. If they wanted to go anywhere he expected them to sort it out. Whereas once I returned from work I slipped into mum/ wife role.

I think men are generally better at saying 'no' whereas women tend to take on a nurturing role and put themselves second to the family. I know, a generalisation but this is what I have noticed within my circle of friends.

jetplane

I totally understand how binding it can be to have to drive someone. I also think it's a life skill which should be learnt at the earliest opportunity. However not every person is comfortable or competent at driving or ever feels the need to drive.

I don't think non drivers realise how tiring driving can be, however even between drivers there are differences in what they feel is acceptable. When I was younger I thought nothing of popping to see relatives on a five hour drive, now anything over 2 hours seems like an effort, my brother would think nothing of driving 3 - 4 hours. My friend drops off and picks up his wife every day for work, he doesn't mind but I would find it a bind.

From reading your posts it would seem that your husband is happy to use public transport, including paying for his son to visit and travelling to the weddings. It is you who seems to resent how much this costs. Yes you step in and drive his son to and from the station as there is no public transport but how far is the station and how often do you do this trip for his son and have you priced the taxi fares? I don't think you are a fool for doing this, though I do wonder why you resent it.

How far do you travel from work to home, could it be that you are simply too tired after working a condensed week and travelling? Even if your husband could drive would you want to go to both of these weddings? He moved with you to a rural area, he said he would learn to drive but he didn't. This is probably where the resentment comes from and if you are moving to a new town with improved transport links then its likely that he wont ever feel the need to learn to drive.

You could tell him that you really don't want to drive to the two weddings but let him either book public transport for you both or go on his own if you are set against it. But don't grumble about how much money it costs compared to petrol, weigh this up against wear and tear on the car and the fact that you can have a relaxing time and drink if you want to. Especially if it means a lot for him to be there.

DKLS

geri1965 wrote: »

Oh good grief. What about women who can't drive, are they odd too?

If so me & my OH must be a right pair of weirdos, just as well we are together.

Actually, don't bother replying. I've just looked at some of your other posts and come to the conclusion that you are either a troll or a judgemental !!!!!! who I shouldn't have bothered wasting my time on.

Oohhh get you, didn't you get an easter egg this morning?, not hugged enough as a child?

Its not so bad with women but there is something very odd about a man who cannot drive, I would refuse to hire anyone who doesn't have a driving licence, I tend to find men who can't drive untrustworthy they are simply not in the same club.

Georgiegirl256

DKLS wrote: »

Oohhh get you, didn't you get an easter egg this morning?, not hugged enough as a child?

Its not so bad with women but there is something very odd about a man who cannot drive, I would refuse to hire anyone who doesn't have a driving licence, I tend to find men who can't drive untrustworthy they are simply not in the same club.

OMG, Really?! In your mind does that not make him a 'real man' then?

claire16c

What are his reasons for not driving have you had conversations recently about it? Is it that he can't be bothered or has a fear/confidence problem?

My DH didn't drive until he was about 24 and it drove me nuts, pardon the pun!

I said to him if you don't learn we will always have to live near your job or certain train stations etc and it will restrict you massively on your job choice. And what about when we have a baby who will drive me to the hospital!

Anyway one day on his own accord he rang up and booked himself lessons I couldn't believe it. He passed first time.

It was a confidence thing for him due to a bad experience learning to drive at 17 with a terrible instructor.

I'm pleased to say last month he drove me to the hospital to have our baby

A friend has a similar issue he has to taxi his girlfriend about everywhere and it's not restricting her from leaving a job she doesn't like. She's now starting lessons but it's taken that to get her to do it previously she was happy to use public transport but of course it's not always convenient.

I haven't been able to drive for 4 weeks because of having a c-sèction and i can't wait to drive again, I hate relying on other people to give me lifts.

What did he do transport wise with his son before he met you?

Pixie5740

BigJockKnew wrote: »

Why do women complain about stuff that men have been doing for years?

You mean in the same way that some men expect a medal just for doing the dishes once in a blue moon

My ex couldn't drive and expected me to chauffeur him all over the place even though he lived right next to a bus stop. He wouldn't use buses and although he used to fly he decided that he couldn't fly anymore (not sure why). He never gave me petrol money even when I asked for it as "I was driving anyway."

The icing on the cake is when we decided to go to his parent's caravan in the South of France. The quickest way was to fly Glasgow to Nice (direct flight) and then hire a car but no he wouldn't fly and wanted me to drive from Scotland to the South of France in my Ford Ka. I told him in no uncertain terms to away and raffle himself

barbarawright

I can literally count on the fingers of+ one hand the number of times I have asked anyone to go out of their way to give me a lift in the last 20 years (can't drive myself). Far more common is people who insist on driving when there's perfectly good public transport and then expect me to leave early because they aren't drinking or to be grateful for a 3 hour car journey (which I hate) rather than a 90 minute train journey (which I enjoy). I don't know *any* non-driver who expects lifts all the time but I know a lot of drivers who are completely helpless if they find themselves without a car, even in London

dandelionclock30

I dont drive, I cycle and use the buses, but I live in a big city so getting about isnt a problem.
I think its better for the environment if theres less cars on the road and when I get lift off friends to go to sporting events etc I give them petrol money and buy them drinks as well. So it shares the costs and helps them out.
Back to OP I think it would be a good idea to support him with learning to drive, like taking him out in between lessons etc. If he doesnt want to do it then he could learn to ride a motorbike and pick his son up on this.I think if you dont drive you cant expect lifts off others. You make your choice really but have to be self sufficent.

Pixie5740

barbarawright wrote: »

I can literally count on the fingers of+ one hand the number of times I have asked anyone to out of their way to give me a lift in the last 20 years (can't drive myself). Far more common is people who insist on driving when there's perfectly good public transport and then expect me to leave early because they aren't drinking or to be grateful for a 3 hour car journey (which I hate) rather than a 90 minute train journey (which I enjoy). I don't know *any* non-driver who expects lifts all the time but I know a lot of drivers who are completely helpless if they find themselves without a car, even in London

Don't accept lifts from people if it upsets you so much, just take public transport if you prefer it.

I've been a driver, then back to being a non-driver when I couldn't afford to run a car and now I'm a driver again. My parents live in a rural area so when I visit them it's easier to take the car but I'd rather use buses, trains or my bicycle when going into city centres as I find it cheaper and easier than driving round and round to find a parking spot.

I know a few non-never-been drivers who think they rarely ask for and expect lifts when actually they ask and expect lifts quite a lot and equally I know people who insist of driving, parking miles away from where they want to be and walking rather than just getting on a bus.

barbarawright

Your non-driver friends are certainly different from me as I make fairly strenuous efforts not to ask for lifts but it's difficult when you have friends who insist on using their cars at every possible opportunity.