Tired of being the chauffeur

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

I'm amazed at the number of people who think that driving is a life skill. It probably explains why there is so much traffic everywhere because people consider a right to be able to drive or be driven everywhere.

What's wrong with public transport? I know a number of people who don't drive and are very happy not to and to rely on public transport. Might not be ideal in the middle of the country, but most middle size towns have very good public transport.

I really don't see why taking the train is a problem for your OH OP. If you book in advance, it doesn't cost more than driving. My kids like most would prefer me to drive them everywhere, but it is a question of compromises. I sometimes do but they know that they need to take buses/trains at other times depending on my schedule or just how I feel. They know I am not their taxi driver.

Public transport IS fantastic in many cases. But it often falls flat. Planes for example, often depart or arrive when public transport doesn't run. In London we mainly used public transport, but I still preferred to have a car, both for access to stuff that wasn't connected to public transport at other end, and for things that happened after tube stopped and when night buses proved unreliable and not brilliantly safe once too often. ( obviously, you don't drink socially if you opt to drive).

We live rurally, every journey we do starts with a car, even if its to public transport ( DH commutes by train). Incidentally, train costs vastly more that the not cheap to run car for the same return journey.:(


All that traffic.....I suppose that's there because for many people it IS a life skill, a skill of life or work. In the way riding horses used to be. Not every one did or could keep horses or carriages, but it opened up opportunities for those who had access to transport then too I'd bet.

FBaby

Brighton_belle wrote: »

But surely it is a life skill, just like reading and swimming - it's very useful to have but doesn't mean it has to be practised all the time.

Driving is useful as you say, reading is essential, swimming life saving. I can't see how these could be compared.

I do agree that driving is essential for many people. I couldn't consider not driving at the moment working full-time with children that need ferrying to different places, but I certainly don't think it is a life skill for many people who don't actually need to drive, just see it as a convenience.

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

Driving is useful as you say, reading is essential, swimming life saving. I can't see how these could be compared.

I do agree that driving is essential for many people. I couldn't consider not driving at the moment working full-time with children that need ferrying to different places, but I certainly don't think it is a life skill for many people who don't actually need to drive, just see it as a convenience.

Swimming is life saving if you are in the water. Driving is life saving if you need to get to a hospital. I consider the ambulance drivers I've given thanks to to be lifesavers., or firemen, I don't consider recreational swimmers all to be. I think illiteracy is also possible to survive, though obviously, like driving, and swimming can open doors, or save lives. Its application of the skill too, perhaps?

Things I'll have big problems with if/when I surrender my licence are things like getting my pets to the vet, routine appts I will be able to arrange. Emergencies? That will be a problem.

DFlights

Thank you all for the replies.
Bit more info; we're not married and don't have kids, I never wanted them and neither did OH. I have no family to rely on due to other issues as I no longer wish to have relationships with vile, toxic people, so have had to rely on myself for a very long time. OH's son was very young when they split and before I got together with him, I think there was very little contact as he had only his own parents to take him to see the child, and none of the at that time were very well off and he couldn't afford much in the way of public transport.
Fast forward to now and son is 17. OH does indeed go with me to pick him up and return him to the train station, he knows exactly how much a taxi costs as he's had to use them before, but I worry about the cost as he's on a low wage and this could impact on the financial contribution to the household budget, if large amounts of his money are going towards transport costs. I can't put more into the pot due to working away from home during the week and having to pay board and extra fuel costs.

I don't know what to do about the weddings. I've already said that I can't make both and his parents will be going there anyway, so I might see if I can arrange for them to pick us up and give them some petrol money, but then again I don't really want to go to either wedding anyway but probably should show my face. Then there's another big family event in August that I don't want to go to but because I drive, I think his whole family just assume I'll take him to any events and don't consider that I might not want to drive, that will most likely build up resentment from them as I'll probably get the blame for not taking him wherever he needs to be. I don't think that my feelings count for much in their ideas, not that they'r not lovely, but a bit thoughtless. I think their logic would go that, because we have a perfectly good car, why on earth would I not drive him? But then again his dad drives everywhere and his mum doesn't drive at all if she can help it, even though she has a licence, so I think that they're projecting their own situation onto ours.

barbarawright

Can the son not get a taxi on his own?

lostinrates

Dflights....is the issue a bigger one that the driving? more your relationship with him or the family? If you are working away a bit I'd imagine you'd want to spend much of weekend time with your partner at these family/friend events or agree to both not go? Is the driving a 'straw breaking the camels back' or an issue that's easier to get frustrated over?'.

sulphate

FBaby wrote: »

Driving is useful as you say, reading is essential, swimming life saving. I can't see how these could be compared.

I do agree that driving is essential for many people. I couldn't consider not driving at the moment working full-time with children that need ferrying to different places, but I certainly don't think it is a life skill for many people who don't actually need to drive, just see it as a convenience.

I agree.

I work in a village 15 miles away from home, there is no public transport so I have to drive to get to work, but I'm lucky in that I can car share with a colleague.

I know a few people who don't drive (fair enough) and preach about the value of using public transport instead, but most of them live in the middle of a city with great transport links, and can't understand why so many others are "so dependent" on a car. The same people are normally very happy to hitch lifts with others for long journeys, but wouldn't think of offering petrol money.

FBaby

Swimming is life saving if you are in the water. Driving is life saving if you need to get to a hospital.

If you can't swim and fall accidently in water, you are likely to die. If you need to go to hospital but don't drive, you call an ambulance (which you should do anyway if it is a life of death situation as they will get you there much quicker), so I can't see how driving can be considered as important as swimming.

FBaby

I think his whole family just assume I'll take him to any events and don't consider that I might not want to drive, that will most likely build up resentment from them as I'll probably get the blame for not taking him wherever he needs to be

I think you need to stop doing something you resent just because of not wanting the blame. Circumstances are different and if you don't want to go somewhere, you shouldn't feel pressured into being a taxi driver for your OH. Go and take him where you want to go (or really feel you should go very occasionally) but don't go just because your OH needs driving somewhere.

dandelionclock30

borkid wrote: »

Not even a case of not being ideal in a lot of rural places. I can only get to the city 25 miles away by bus ( only 2 a day on weekdays) and because it goes around all the villages it takes 75 mins instead of the 35 mins it takes to drive. There is no bus service to the nearby towns, nearest is 8 miles away. We do have a very good village shop and I could manage so long as I didn't want a social life outside of the village or need to visit the dentist, hospital or family but life would be very limited.

I am retired but if I needed to go to work everyday it wouldn't be possible without a car.

It would you could cycle or get a motorbike or moped.