Tired of being the chauffeur

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If you're concerned about the cost of taxis and buses, just wait until you find out how much it would cost to have 50 - 200 hours of driving lessons, test fees (depending on whether he finds it really easy to learn or he's a mere mortal) and then the price of adding a new driver onto your insurance.


Give it a year and his DS could be driving, which means all you'll be bothered about is his not being around at weekends for work and seeing him.

Does he not contribute at all to household finances? If he does, he's helping pay for your car anyway. Seems fair enough if he's paying towards something he doesn't personally use, that he enjoys some benefit from it sometimes.

Plenty of my friends don't drive, even if they have a licence. It's not a subject for marital discord with them, anymore than the fact I can fix anything plumbing related and put up flat pack furniture, but have to get my boyfriend to do anything that requires working above my head level due to neck problems and associated vertigo (when he doesn't even live here) causes us disagreements.

Different skills, different aptitudes, different preferences. Much easier to accept somebody as they are, rather than try forcing them to change.

borkid

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

If you're concerned about the cost of taxis and buses, just wait until you find out how much it would cost to have 50 - 200 hours of driving lessons, test fees (depending on whether he finds it really easy to learn or he's a mere mortal) and then the price of adding a new driver onto your insurance.

Really is that how many hours people have? Both my 2 teenagers had 18 hrs and passed 1st time and my OH only 12 hours, passed 1st time. Mind you they were all very road aware as they had been cycling for years. Only DD was able to drive with us inbetween lessons as well.

Agree with you about the insurance though.

DFlights

OH doesn't contribute tot he car. I pay my own insurance and road tax, MOT and any maintenance/repairs. The only contribution for the car from our joint finances is the occasional tank of petrol. And I'm quite aware of the costs of learning to drive and insurance, it took me a very long time to learn as I had a terrible first instructor and all I want is not for my ability to drive to be taken for granted or for others to assume I'll be okay to just ferry people about everywhere. And a bit of quality time with the OH where I'm not playing second fiddle to outside interests (son is a different matter entirely).

Abbafan1972

I am replying as the non-driver in the family and my DH does.

When he's at work in the week and I need to go out, I go on the bus. If I need to take the kids anywhere, I generally go on the bus, only if it's a family day out we will go in the car. I don't rely on DH to drive me everywhere, so it's not an issue.

Although I've wanted to drive for so many years and took lessons when I was 19 (I am 42 now), I failed my test and then didn't do it again. I suffer with bad nerves where driving is concerned, but it is something I regret not doing.

We live in a part of Birmingham which is in close proximity to everything and there are regular bus services into the local towns and Birmingham city centre.

All of my jobs have been easily accessible by public transport, but now I'm looking for work it's increasingly harder as the location is a deciding factor as to whether I'm going to apply for it or not. Plus there are a lot of jobs that require you to have a licence (even if it doesn't seem connected to the job).

I got a call from a job agency on Wednesday when I was in sports direct with my daughter buying some new trainers from school, they had got my cv from a job site and wanted to tell me about a job in Dudley (not easily accessible from where I live), but of course being an agency they don't tell you the exact location or company which isn't helpful. I said I wasn't interested in travelling to Dudley and she was like "oh I can Google to see how far it is from you", in the end I got bored and put the phone down. About 5 minutes later I got a text from her to say "it's only a 20 minute drive from where you live". I just responded to her and said "thanks, I don't drive and have to use public transport". Needless to say I didn't get a response after that.

My Mom relies heavily on my Dad to drive her everywhere, even if it's walking distance. She works at a local nursing home. I looked at Google maps and it's 0.6 miles, 12 minutes walk from her house and still expects my Dad to drop her off and pick her up. Lazy or what?

Janepig

borkid wrote: »

Really is that how many hours people have? Both my 2 teenagers had 18 hrs and passed 1st time and my OH only 12 hours, passed 1st time. Mind you they were all very road aware as they had been cycling for years. Only DD was able to drive with us inbetween lessons as well.

Agree with you about the insurance though.

I would have said that those all seem to be pretty low numbers of hours before passing really, although I think for teenagers learning to drive it's somewhat easier - I can't imagine someone in their mid 40's, who has been cajoled by a moaning partner into learning to drive, passing their test after 12 hours of lessons, including revising for and passing the theory test and the longer practical test now.

DH passed his driving test at 17 after a short number of lessons and of course no theory test in those days. I took my first test at 21 after a week of intensive lessons, failed, sat again a month letter, failed, then gave up for about six years as I couldn't face it again. DH then arranged more lessons and sprung it on me when I couldn't get out of doing it, by this time I also had to do a theory test and I also passed the practical test third time. I had to force myself to drive as I didn't enjoy it, but over the years and through more practice I now love driving and as I mentioned before, I do the bulk of the family driving and I'll drive anywhere.

I couldn't imagine seeing a family member who can't drive having to use a taxi or public transport when I'd be perfectly able to give them a lift, especially if the only thing preventing me from doing so was my fear of being taken for granted!!

Jx

jetplane

DFlights wrote: »

OH doesn't contribute tot he car. I pay my own insurance and road tax, MOT and any maintenance/repairs. The only contribution for the car from our joint finances is the occasional tank of petrol. And I'm quite aware of the costs of learning to drive and insurance, it took me a very long time to learn as I had a terrible first instructor and all I want is not for my ability to drive to be taken for granted or for others to assume I'll be okay to just ferry people about everywhere. And a bit of quality time with the OH where I'm not playing second fiddle to outside interests (son is a different matter entirely).

I think its perfectly reasonable for you to expect this, I wonder if you feel taken for granted in other areas and this is just another example? My friends wife pays a contribution to his car costs in return for her daily lifts and before my brother in law could drive he paid his girlfriends car insurance in exchange for lifts. He learnt to drive when she made it clear that she would rather pay her own insurance than be a taxi for ever.

DFlights

TBH, OH has only really recently started cooking nice meals for us both, of which I'm very appreciative - my previous job was part time so I ended up doing most of the cooking and cleaning as well, which in essence made me feel like a skivvy and that I hadn't benefitted from cutting my hours at all. I think me working away has given him the lightbulb moment that there isn't a washing-up/cleaning/cooking fairy! It's not maliciousness, I know it's often just thoughtlessness and his innate ability to not be bothered by copious amounts of clutter, but it's incredibly irritating nonetheless. He's getting better with me not being around and he isn't a complete caveman, but the driving thing is getting to be a very sore point, as is the constantly being away.

jetplane

Janepig wrote: »

I couldn't imagine seeing a family member who can't drive having to use a taxi or public transport when I'd be perfectly able to give them a lift, especially if the only thing preventing me from doing so was my fear of being taken for granted!!
Jx

I used to think like this and either me or my husband would drive to my in-laws, pick them up, bring them to our house and take them back again. Until it became apparent that they would only ever visit if we drove. Eventually my husband decided he was not prepared to spend almost three hours collecting and returning them if they were never going to hop on a train for a journey of an hour door to door.

DFlights

Thank you Jetplane, that is precisely my point with driving OH here, there and everywhere, he can either contribute financially to the car, learn to drive himself, or use public transport from now on. It's quite an unpleasant thing to be taken for granted, more so than maybe people realise.

FBaby

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Non of them are essential to day to day survival. They all have different degrees of usefulness in different circumstances. Being able to swim, alas, frequently doesn't save those who accidently fall into water and is why water sport participants use life jackets.
I am very grateful to have all 3 life skills.

Learning to read is compulsory at school and I believe swimming lessons are at most schools too. Driving lessons is not yet something colleges are expected to provide.