My [long string of expletives] family.

Tropez

Angry Tropez alert incoming.

Perhaps some of you recall my previous ranting and raving about a certain section of my family who deem Christmas as their own special holiday in which their whims should be catered to and using my house as some sort of free hotel? I threw a spanner in their plans last Christmas and drew their collective ire by having the nerve to go abroad to marry the love of my life, such the malevolent being that I am.

This morning my wife had left for her office because she's currently trying to catch up on some admin things after her injury, so there I was, snug and cozy in my bed having an interesting dream about kangaroos, when I was rather abruptly awoken by the sound of banging on the door. Startled and fearing that we were under attack by North Koreans due to the recent haircut incident, I leapt from my bed ready to defy our new overlords before sanity gripped me. I threw on some clothes and went to answer the door; perhaps it was a delivery of some sort?

No, no it wasn't; and if it was I'd have sent it back.

I was greeted by the what I've come to call the Tango-mobile; a rather sickening orange people carrier. Seeing it is what I imagine seeing the Dark Lord Sauron was like for those elves.

And there he was... one of my relatives.

Skipping the pleasantries, I went straight into the "What the...?" while scratching my head.

"Did we get you up?" he said, smugly.

Given that I was wearing a pair of boxers, a t-shirt and in the mornings have the appearance of Fozzy Bear, and that it was 9:30am which I know is late for most of you but I was up until 3am doing fun things with my wife (not that, actually!) I could only assume that his sarcastic question was some poor attempt at humour.

He then proceeded to explain to me that they decided "on the spur of the moment" - because they're such an adventurous bunch, they went to Grimsby once! - to drive up this morning, spend the weekend with mum and go home on Monday. Of course, they thought they could stay at mine.

I asked them why they never bothered to check with me and their response was that they'd heard about my wife's accident and figured I wouldn't be going anywhere, anyway.

This was too much. At this time in the morning, when I was really enjoying my kangaroo dream this was too [expletive deleted] much.

I then proceeded to tell that, in graphic detail and in order to make them as uncomfortable as possible that I was very sorry but I simply couldn't put them up this weekend as we did in fact have other plans. The decorators were due soon to adorn my house with Roman-esque garb and I needed to get my toga ready for my "Caligula party". We had several gimps on the way and I hadn't finished sanitising the plugs because Cassandra (made up name) really likes the ones that fill her right up. On top of that, we have the mannequins to position and we have too few slaves to split them evenly between the masters so there's still a bit of clerical work to do.

A lot of the other things I said were far too graphic to repeat here.

I think it had the desired effect as they called me a few unflattering names while I told them about the hotel they had to drive past to get to my house and soon enough they took their silly little Tango-mobile and vacated the premises.

Perhaps before they went off to the hotel I should have mentioned my mum's gone off to the Lake District for the weekend with a friend of hers?

Must have slipped my mind.

Heffi1

Ha Ha

I know I shouldn't laugh, but you do have a lovely way of expressing yoursefl.

Do not feel bad, I am sure I would have done the same thing.

In fact my uncle called this morning to speak to my mum (no doubt after a favour, the freeloading !!!!!!) so after explaining that she was in fact still in bed, could I help, he scoffed, 'what at this time of the day' to which I replied, she is 71 and if she feels like staying in bed all day then i for one will not blame her, now what do you want?

He sheepishly said goodbye, so I feel some of your pain Tropez.

Let's just hope they do not come back later in the day once they realise your dear mum has other plans for the weekend. That will teach them to make proper plans one hopes...

Buzzybee90

Tropez wrote: »

Angry Tropez alert incoming.

Perhaps some of you recall my previous ranting and raving about a certain section of my family who deem Christmas as their own special holiday in which their whims should be catered to and using my house as some sort of free hotel? I threw a spanner in their plans last Christmas and drew their collective ire by having the nerve to go abroad to marry the love of my life, such the malevolent being that I am.

This morning my wife had left for her office because she's currently trying to catch up on some admin things after her injury, so there I was, snug and cozy in my bed having an interesting dream about kangaroos, when I was rather abruptly awoken by the sound of banging on the door. Startled and fearing that we were under attack by North Koreans due to the recent haircut incident, I leapt from my bed ready to defy our new overlords before sanity gripped me. I threw on some clothes and went to answer the door; perhaps it was a delivery of some sort?

No, no it wasn't; and if it was I'd have sent it back.

I was greeted by the what I've come to call the Tango-mobile; a rather sickening orange people carrier. Seeing it is what I imagine seeing the Dark Lord Sauron was like for those elves.

And there he was... one of my relatives.

Skipping the pleasantries, I went straight into the "What the...?" while scratching my head.

"Did we get you up?" he said, smugly.

Given that I was wearing a pair of boxers, a t-shirt and in the mornings have the appearance of Fozzy Bear, and that it was 9:30am which I know is late for most of you but I was up until 3am doing fun things with my wife (not that, actually!) I could only assume that his sarcastic question was some poor attempt at humour.

He then proceeded to explain to me that they decided "on the spur of the moment" - because they're such an adventurous bunch, they went to Grimsby once! - to drive up this morning, spend the weekend with mum and go home on Monday. Of course, they thought they could stay at mine.

I asked them why they never bothered to check with me and their response was that they'd heard about my wife's accident and figured I wouldn't be going anywhere, anyway.

This was too much. At this time in the morning, when I was really enjoying my kangaroo dream this was too [expletive deleted] much.

I then proceeded to tell that, in graphic detail and in order to make them as uncomfortable as possible that I was very sorry but I simply couldn't put them up this weekend as we did in fact have other plans. The decorators were due soon to adorn my house with Roman-esque garb and I needed to get my toga ready for my "Caligula party". We had several gimps on the way and I hadn't finished sanitising the plugs because Cassandra (made up name) really likes the ones that fill her right up. On top of that, we have the mannequins to position and we have too few slaves to split them evenly between the masters so there's still a bit of clerical work to do.

A lot of the other things I said were far too graphic to repeat here.

I think it had the desired effect as they called me a few unflattering names while I told them about the hotel they had to drive past to get to my house and soon enough they took their silly little Tango-mobile and vacated the premises.

Perhaps before they went off to the hotel I should have mentioned my mum's gone off to the Lake District for the weekend with a friend of hers?

Must have slipped my mind.

My goodness, how unbelievably rude!

**professor~yaffle**

Not sure how they've come to treat your house as a non-paying, non-booking, turn-up-as-you-like hotel, OP, but it's good they've gone away now :rotfl:

Bennifred

I am SO glad you sent them packing! All the way through your post I was afraid you were going to say they are now ensconced in your spare room.

Good for you, Tropez! :beer:
Now enjoy the weekend as you wish....;)

Tropez

Heffi1 wrote: »

Ha Ha

I know I shouldn't laugh, but you do have a lovely way of expressing yoursefl.

Do not feel bad, I am sure I would have done the same thing.

In fact my uncle called this morning to speak to my mum (no doubt after a favour, the freeloading !!!!!!) so after explaining that she was in fact still in bed, could I help, he scoffed, 'what at this time of the day' to which I replied, she is 71 and if she feels like staying in bed all day then i for one will not blame her, now what do you want?

Good for you! And you're right, she can stay in bed until whatever time she desires.

Let's just hope they do not come back later in the day once they realise your dear mum has other plans for the weekend. That will teach them to make proper plans one hopes...

I might go and acquire a toga for appearances sake just in case. And it could be considered an MSE lesson! Don't turn up at my house unannounced and expecting a free stay!

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

My goodness, how unbelievably rude!

I know, I can be quite rude at times.

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

Not sure how they've come to treat your house as a non-paying, non-booking, turn-up-as-you-like hotel, OP, but it's good they've gone away now :rotfl:

Short version: They tend to want to spend Christmas with mum (if I was a cynic I'd be thinking for a free dinner; oh who am I kidding? I think for a free dinner) so they've mastered this art of letting mum know their intentions for showing up with less than two weeks to go - so that conveniently all the hotels are booked up and mum suggests they stay at mine.

Last Christmas, I told them a month beforehand (before they'd made their annual announcement) it wasn't happening because I was going to the US to get married. They were actually quite rude about that. There's a thread about it somewhere I think.

I kinda think they like to get as much as they can for free.

Tropez

Bennifred wrote: »

I am SO glad you sent them packing! All the way through your post I was afraid you were going to say they are now ensconced in your spare room.

Good for you, Tropez! :beer:
Now enjoy the weekend as you wish....;)

I'm actually quite taken by the Caligula party now; but I don't think my wife would approve...

Mojisola

Tropez wrote: »

Angry Tropez alert incoming.

Brilliant! I wouldn't want your life to be continually stressful but I do love reading your posts about it.:T

margaretclare

I've recently read/listened to a Ruth Rendell novel called 'The Keys of the Street'. One of the characters in that is sooooo nice, well-brought-up, passive, polite, that she gets into an abusive controlling relationship and finds great difficulty in getting out of it. She really wants to tell this man to go, there's the door, but she is too nice, well-brought-up, passive and polite.

In other words, the ability to say 'no, it's not convenient, I don't want you to stay' is an ability that we should all cultivate. I have often wondered what is so special about the 25th December that it assumes such great importance among people to whom the day has no real connotation, whether Christian or pre-Christian.

peachyprice

So, tell us about the kangaroo dream.

DKLS

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

My goodness, how unbelievably rude!

His response wasn't rude it was brilliant, the rudeness was the family member turning up uninvited and unexpected, expecting to be put up and no doubt fed and watered for free to boot.