Brother wants us to babysit niece but dictates where we can take her

FBaby

I thought they usually visited Gran but wouldn't be able to stay at her house because of the baby staying

I thought I read somewhere that OP had been receiving her parents for Easter for the last 7 years, hence suggesting they came to theirs this time.

Janepig

FBaby wrote: »

I have always find the exact opposite. I am much much more careful when I look after other people's children.

This is exactly what I'm like, and what I notice that most of my friends are like. When you're looking after someone else's children you're hyper-vigilant, more so than usual. I would certainly hate for something to happen to them on my watch! I'm sure there are some parents who aren't like this but I would wager that the majority are.

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Ah if the baby has never been to the beach before I can see why they'd want to take her. It would have been better for the brother to say that straight away as his random excuses just made the situation worse as it seemed like he didn't want hte grandparents leaving the house with the baby.

I can see it easily being one of those things a first time parent wants to do with their baby first.

Maybe I'm more blase about it because I've always lived literally a stone's throw from the beach/sea, but I can't see what's so particularly special about taking a baby to the seaside for the first time that the parents so desperately have to be there, so much so that they can't even leave a car seat with the grandparents for fear that they may disobey their wishes and take the child anyway. The child isn't going to remember this day trip, chances are she'll sleep through it anyway. Smacks of control freakery to me, did the grandparents do that bad a job of bringing up the OP and her brother that although he's willing for them to look after his baby they must be confined to the house to do so? I'd be very insulted if I was the grandparent.

Jx

Takeaway_Addict

delain wrote: »

I wouldn't be happy for someone to take a 10 month baby to the beach, purely because I've done similar before and total nightmare doesn't even cover it.

what exactly is the plan? Is it sitting on the beach or other stuff as well?

The 10 month old can't be trusted not to eat sand or dog ends/rubbish left behind on the beach
the 10 month old is way too young for typical 'seaside' amusements so will be stuck in a buggy bored rigid if thats your plan
The 10 month old is more than capable of crawling to the water and could drown in seconds... are you really going to watch her like a hawk every single second (and on a beach THAT WOULD be required)
Would the 10 month old be in the sun for excessive amounts of time?

Nothing like the over ridiculous....

belfastgirl23

Regardless of anything else, this is your brother and sister in law's first attempt at leaving their baby with your parents. Think about your sister in law. She is probably feeling very anxious about this already. Maybe for example she'd be a lot more comfortable leaving the baby with her parents and your brother has talked her into leaving the baby with your parents. For whatever reason they do not want you all to take the baby to the beach. I reckon that's their right as parents and especially as new parents.

All I can say is what is it that makes you want to disrespect their wishes? Do you somehow want to drive a wedge between your brother and sister in law and your parents? In your sister in law's shoes I would not want to ask your parents to babysit again since it's been such a hassle this time. I'm not saying this is what you want consciously but this is the effect your current actions are likely to have.

Honestly I think you really need to step back and examine your own motives. How would you feel if your parents in law and sister in law were insisting on doing something with your baby that you didn't feel comfortable with? The reasons are not the issue. You need to start respecting their right to say what their own baby does. Of course your parents also have the right to refuse to babysit but I'm not sensing that this is what they want.

Trust can be built over time but it can also be lost. Which way do you think this is pushing things?

shegirl

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Regardless of anything else, this is your brother and sister in law's first attempt at leaving their baby with your parents. Think about your sister in law. She is probably feeling very anxious about this already. Maybe for example she'd be a lot more comfortable leaving the baby with her parents and your brother has talked her into leaving the baby with your parents. For whatever reason they do not want you all to take the baby to the beach. I reckon that's their right as parents and especially as new parents.

All I can say is what is it that makes you want to disrespect their wishes? Do you somehow want to drive a wedge between your brother and sister in law and your parents? In your sister in law's shoes I would not want to ask your parents to babysit again since it's been such a hassle this time. I'm not saying this is what you want consciously but this is the effect your current actions are likely to have.

Honestly I think you really need to step back and examine your own motives. How would you feel if your parents in law and sister in law were insisting on doing something with your baby that you didn't feel comfortable with? The reasons are not the issue. You need to start respecting their right to say what their own baby does. Of course your parents also have the right to refuse to babysit but I'm not sensing that this is what they want.

Trust can be built over time but it can also be lost. Which way do you think this is pushing things?

I agree.It can be a very big nerve wracking thing for parents!

Add to that the fact you asked them to change plans and bring the baby early so you can go out or them miss out on something else and take the baby late and it's one giant mess that would pee anyone off.

It's not just about the beach,which is enough reason for them,as first time parents,to be concerned about.It's also the fact that it was planned then you come along and it's all 'oh,we'll have to change it'.Personally,if someone makes plans first I fit around them rather than expecting them to change for something else.

Fleago

Where are people getting the idea that OP has changed the plans and selfishly to boot? As far as I can make out, according to OP, the grandmother said to her son that she would check her diary to see if she could babysit as she normally spends Easter with the OP and family.

OP and her mother agreed that because of the babysitting issue, OP and her family would travel up instead and they would all do something nice together for the day, including the babysat niece. It was then presumably on that basis that the Grandmother then told the son that she could babysit.

For what it's worth, I think the son and his partner are being completely unreasonable. I often find myself open mouthed reading this forum due to what seems to me to be the ridiculous over weening protectiveness of children and the indulged preciousness of new parents, mummies in particular, that is regularly displayed here. And before anyone says it, yes, I'm female and I do have a child.

FatVonD

The OP's brother bought tickets 3 weeks ago and had presumably booked a hotel to stay over since they are not collecting the baby until 1pm the next day. Is anyone seriously suggesting they didn't ask the OP's mum to babysit as soon as they knew what was happening (if not even before booking)?? I'd say 3 weeks is a fairly long-standing plan.

The OP clearly decided to travel home AFTER this was arranged since she agreed to stay somewhere else since she was told there wouldn't be room for them all at her mum's as the baby was already staying.

The OP has muscled in on the long-standing plans and it is now 'we' and 'us' babysitting rather than the grandma, come up with a new plan for the day which involved long-standing plans being rearranged (even if the baby was to be going she wanted her brought there 2 hours earlier than planned) and has then proceeded to try to dictate what her brother and his wife should allow their baby to do and when they don't agree with her she demands an explanation :rotfl:

I know who I think is the selfish one!

PS For what it's worth, isn't it more likely that the mum rang and said 'can you bring the car seat as we're going to the beach' and they said 'no' rather than them saying 'right, we're not going to bring a car seat to make absolutely sure you can't take her to the beach'

Fleago

spendingmad wrote: »

Ok - for those who need detail.....

Brother asked if mum could babysit she said she would check diary etc and get back to him. At no point did he say 'can you babysit but only stay at your home and not go anywhere.'

Mum rang me and asked for plans over weekend and mentioned babysitting. I replied that I would come to them to allow them to look after my niece but would sleep elsewhere (no room for everyone) and go out for the day to see them and niece. Cousins love seeing her and playing etc.

I should point out that for the past 7 years mum and dad have visited me over Easter weekend, but as part of discussion above I said we would go to them.

Mum replied by text saying yes she could have baby and we where coming up and seeing them for day.

OP clearly states that the grandmother discussed it with her before confirming to the brother that she could babysit. It wasn't the case that the babysitting had been agreed and OP stuck her oar in and changed everything.

Nicki

FatVonD wrote: »

PS For what it's worth, isn't it more likely that the mum rang and said 'can you bring the car seat as we're going to the beach' and they said 'no' rather than them saying 'right, we're not going to bring a car seat to make absolutely sure you can't take her to the beach'

I shouldn't have thought so no given that OP says the brother lives a 10 minute drive away. So how is the baby getting to the grandparents house if not strapped in the said car seat. The grandparent would have no need to remind them to bring one with them as it would already be in their car when they arrive with the baby strapped in it!

moomoomama27

delain wrote: »

I wouldn't be happy for someone to take a 10 month baby to the beach, purely because I've done similar before and total nightmare doesn't even cover it.

what exactly is the plan? Is it sitting on the beach or other stuff as well?

The 10 month old can't be trusted not to eat sand or dog ends/rubbish left behind on the beach
the 10 month old is way too young for typical 'seaside' amusements so will be stuck in a buggy bored rigid if thats your plan
The 10 month old is more than capable of crawling to the water and could drown in seconds... are you really going to watch her like a hawk every single second (and on a beach THAT WOULD be required)
Would the 10 month old be in the sun for excessive amounts of time?

Oh good grief! This has to be a wind up! I live practically on the beach, all three of my children have grown up playing ion the beaches for hours on end! From newborn upwards! I have a very small gap between my son and daughter yet I never managed to lose one, have one crawl away into the sea, eat rubbish ( sand yes, but then my son was partial to worms and mud for a time !) honestly to goodness, poor sheltered lives so e kids seem to live!

OP yes your brother is being selfish, if he doesnt trust your mum to take your niece everywhere (after all as his mum, she must have taken him everywhere and he survived!) then he shouldn't be asking to have her babysit! My brother tried that trick, ( he was very controlling by nature), and my mum simply said if you don't trust me to take him out and about, then you'll have to find another sitter, this was after withdrawing car seats and buggys!!! Seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it!!