Brother wants us to babysit niece but dictates where we can take her

spendingmad

For those who have an irrational fear of water/think that baby will drown instantly I should clarify

1, you have to walk at least 5mins to get to waters edge and we will not be letting the water app at our feet. We will be sat in the dunes making sandcastle sand maybe a short walk.

2, baby is showing no signs of crawling, bum shuffling not least walking so it is highly unlikely that she we get away from us without us noticing.

Person_one

spendingmad wrote: »

2, baby is showing no signs of crawling, bum shuffling not least walking so it is highly unlikely that she we get away from us without us noticing.

Ah, but can she dig? She might create an intricate network of tunnels in the sand and disappear from under your noses.

mummyroysof3

Op do you as a more experienced parent come across to your either that you know best? I only ask as there are different ways of parenting and non of them are wrong. I parent different to my sister and my mum finds it hard to understand I think but a the end of the day it's your brothers decision how his child is looked after not yours.

pinkshoes

Your mum needs to put her foot down. Her baby sitting services are on offer, but during the day she's going on a trip to the beach, and baby is welcome to come too. It that's not acceptable, then they're welcome to drop baby off with her when she's back from the beach.

Given your mum normally goes to see you for Easter, so wouldn't normally be available for babysitting, then I think your brother is being unreasonable.

whitewing

Why don't your brother, wife and baby come to the beach with you and then leave for their overnighter and babs can travel back with you all. Everybody wins.

rpc

emweaver wrote: »

It is upto the parent where you take their child and what you do with them. You can either respect this or say you can not babysit.

I rather take the view that if you pay someone, you can dictate to them. If you are asking grandparents, etc then you don't have the same right to dictate. It is their free time too and you need to accept that. If you aren't happy negotiating then you need to use paid care where you don't have to. It is OK to have rules, but you cannot be over prescriptive and refusing to leave a car seat or refusing any trip out is going too far.

Wanting free care to do exactly as you want is trying to have your cake and eat it.

Valli wrote: »

This is really silly IMO - suppose there is some kind of emergency which means the child MUST be transported somewhere?

In the A&E scenario that many are banging on around, there are alternative means of transport. Our Sick Kids hospital have made it very clear on numerous occasions that if a child requires A&E attention (even for "minor" issues that fall into the A&E category rather than GP/OOH appointments) then it is acceptable to call an ambulance if you can't easily get there by another route.

A taxi could also do the job without a car seat.

While it doesn't apply here, it is also worth noting that short, unexpected journeys do not legally require a car seat if the child is 3+ and wearing an adult seat belt. It may not be sensible in most situations, but it is permissible.

If it really is an "emergency" then you should be doing what you have to do, not what you would like to do, and that may mean travelling without a car seat when legally acceptable.

I think not leaving a car seat is daft, but the "what if there's an emergency" isn't an argument against it.

lobbyludd

in all honesty this is between your mum and brother, as it is them that have the arrangement. Perhaps they are being "precious" or whatever, doesn't matter really, your mum can decide to either not babysit this time, not go to the beach on the saturday and either way not babysit again. It makes not a jot of difference what any of us on an internet think, however as you can only control your thoughts and actions - I'd advise you let this go....

You can still take your children to the beach if you'd like so whilst it won't be the perfect idea you had in your head, it would seem you could compromise? and it would be possible to have other beach days with your mum, whereas it is impossible to have the "first" of anything again (although the first time my eldest saw the sea he screamed and toddled away in terror, we had to take him away from the whole area).

rather than try to get your brother to change his plans to fit in with yours, perhaps you could travel earlier/later so that you could have the saturday morning at the beach or the sunday afternoon/sometime on monday at the beach?
I wouldn't give a hoot if my mum decided to take the kids to the beach - would I have cared if it was the first time, with my first child, without me? don't know, would I have cared if it was the first time for my first child, changing agreed plans and entirely to fit around the wishes of my sibling? hmmm.

I had very bad PND after my first was born and it caused me to care a lot about things that now I would not give a second thought to, especially if it involved a change of plans... so just a thought.

esmerelda98

pinkshoes wrote: »

Your mum needs to put her foot down. Her baby sitting services are on offer, but during the day she's going on a trip to the beach, and baby is welcome to come too. It that's not acceptable, then they're welcome to drop baby off with her when she's back from the beach.

Given your mum normally goes to see you for Easter, so wouldn't normally be available for babysitting, then I think your brother is being unreasonable.

I agree, but the grandmother is mother-in-law to the baby's mother, so she may well fear being frozen out from contact with the baby if she lays down the law. It is often easier to be frank with your own child and IMO mothers usually have much more influence when it comes to decisions about children.

POPPYOSCAR

OP why does your title say "us" and "we"?

You have not been asked to babysit your mother has.

FatVonD

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

OP why does your title say "us" and "we"?

You have not been asked to babysit your mother has.

Probably for the same reason the OP expects her brother to give an explanation to *her* rather than her mum