Brother wants us to babysit niece but dictates where we can take her

Top_Girl

I'm not sure how a day excursion has anything to do with them leaving their child overnight, maybe I'm missing something.

The refusal to leave the car seat is beyond passive aggressive, it is controlling behaviour.

Whilst the child is primarily the concern of the OP's brother, I don't know a 10 month old who wouldn't thrive on a day out with numerous adults to keep an eye on them, to a beach and nature reserve, out in the fresh air with people who love them and want to enjoy a family day out.

Seems like a deeper issue to me, but I suppose it is the grandma's job to ask the questions, if she wants to go with the OP's plans.

spendingmad

jjj1980 wrote: »

Have to say, I'm with OP's brother and SIL on this. They have absolute and final say on what happens with their child.

I used to babysit quite regularly for my cousins children when they were little and any plans I already had or came up were checked with my cousin and would have been changed or cancelled if needed.

I now have a 4.5 year old daughter of my own. Since her release from NICU at 4 days old, we have not spent a single night apart. My mum and dad have watched her for me when I have had appointments etc and whilst I do trust them, they always contact me if they find they need to go somewhere. Have just discussed this thread with my mum and her response was "I think the grandmother and aunt are overstepping the mark. They don't have the right to question why the parents don't want the baby going on the trip, they just need to accept it. There will be other days for trips when babysitting has not being arranged"

I agree they have absolute and final say and would not dream of taking her somewhere against their wishes. I would just like a reason for their actions/decisions.

I have spoken to brother who is happy for us all to go out just not to the beach, so I think it's more about them being precious about doing the whole trip to the seaside thing first with her. She's their child so I can understand them being a bit put out, however if it was me I would be grateful for my child being occupied, and having a nice day out and being well looked after. I wouldn't deny family and my niece and nephew a day out because I wanted to take her somewhere first. And alienating grandparents to the point where they are put off babysitting in the future (that might have something to do with not having access to grandparents as babysitters due to travel distances)

Not decided what we are going to do yet, as explained in earlier post we live a long way from seaside so never get the opportunity to go hence why it is a bigger deal /treat for us to go this weekend. I think my mum is going to tell them to drop her off later so we can go/come back earlier and they can still have night out (but without shopping element) and everyone is happy (sort of)

Valli

jjj1980 wrote: »

Have to say, I'm with OP's brother and SIL on this. They have absolute and final say on what happens with their child.

The child they are expecting someone else to look after for about 22 hours straight?

So NEGOTIATION needs to happen. They (IMO) need to explain WHY they don't want their child to join in with this activity OR to take care of their child themselves.

Or employ a nanny.

When my mum was kind enough to mind DS, FOR FREE, I wouldn't have dreamed of dictating where she could, or could not, take him. After all, by taking care of my son she was doing ME a favour. And she looked after him while I worked - not while I was off on a jolly!

emweaver

spendingmad wrote: »

After an objective point if view

This weekend we are travelling 100miles to visit family over Easter and we (myself, DH, DD 11 & DS 8) are visiting my mum on Easter Saturday. My brother has asked my mum to babysit his daughter (10months) on Saturday from 1pm until the next day.

We had plans to go on a day trip to the seaside on the Saturday so my mum asked if my brother could drop her DGD off a few hours earlier so we could all go together)

They have come back with all these excuses about why they don't want her to go to the seaside. Too far (1 hour drive away). Teething. Not used to being left of such to long period of time (we are asking for 2 hours more than the 21 they want us to have her) - and they want to leave her overnight. They are going to leave her with my mum without a car seat - coz they don't want her going anywhere without them.

I am so angry that they are ruining my families plans for a nice day out because of some lame excuses. Am I reasonable to be upset - how can I convince them they are being silly?

I am of the belief that if you want someone to look after your child, then you/the child fits in with plans as long as child is kept safe and well looked after.

You don't have children of your own, do you?

It is upto the parent where you take their child and what you do with them. You can either respect this or say you can not babysit.

There could be numerous reasons, either way they do not have to explain themselves.

emweaver

Person_one wrote: »

There'll be 3 adults and two older children, I'm sure they can manage!

Unfortunately not all adults are responsible and it only takes a second for them to take their eye off the baby because they thought Adult A was watching baby etc.

Nicki

emweaver wrote: »

Unfortunately not all adults are responsible and it only takes a second for them to take their eye off the baby because they thought Adult A was watching baby etc.

No it really doesn't.

It takes considerably longer for a 10 month old baby to crawl away from a group of adults and into the sea and to be honest any group of adults who failed to notice that happening would be a pretty hopeless and reckless shower of fools and you would hope that no one would leave a baby with them at all.

OP does not come across as this kind of person at all and if you had read her post which you even quoted you would see that far from having no children she on fact has two who amazingly she has managed to keep safe for 9 and 11 years respectively (and possibly even the same grandparents who are only on their 50s also managed to look after this children now and again without losing them or letting them drown on a beach while they ignored them)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Nicki wrote: »

Is everyone expecting a very different Easter to me by the way? It is sunny and pleasant here today (south East England) but by no means hot. The chance of sunburn or sunstroke is non existent here anyway nor is it warm enough to be sitting on a beach without a warm coat and some hot drinks

Erm - I got sunburned on my face about a month ago in London. In fifteen minutes. And I've just walked home without a coat or jumper because it was too warm, even though it's noticeably cooler today than Wednesday.

Yes, I am pale and freckly, but a baby's skin is far more delicate.

Nicki

Yes it was lovely (and much hotter too)around the second weekend in March. Is that what the weather is expected to be like this weekend too? Great if so, but it isn't like that today here anyway is all I was saying.

jumpingjackd

By refusing to leave a carseat the son is being irresponsible, what if an emergency arose and the child had to be taken to hospital or doctor, childrens illnesses can flare up very quickly, he is imprisoning the grandparents in their own house. Under no circumstances would I be left without a carseat.

If he has concerns about the baby going out with his sister and family then he should say so.

I have watched and kept my granchildren from an early age and always told their parents where we will be going and who will be there and unless they have a legitimate reason for not allowing the outing then Im afraid I would ask them to pick the child up and look after them themselves.

Im assuming the grandparents brought their own children up without mishaps, or if thats not the case then perhaps the son should reconsider his childcare arrangements

Alikay

jumpingjackd wrote: »

Im assuming the grandparents brought their own children up without mishaps, or if thats not the case then perhaps the son should reconsider his childcare arrangements

Ultimately this is likely to happen which is sad, as it won't just be brother who loses out on babysitters, but the grandparents who'll miss out on a close relationship with the grandchild (and vice versa).