Brother wants us to babysit niece but dictates where we can take her

spendingmad

After an objective point if view

This weekend we are travelling 100miles to visit family over Easter and we (myself, DH, DD 11 & DS 8) are visiting my mum on Easter Saturday. My brother has asked my mum to babysit his daughter (10months) on Saturday from 1pm until the next day.

We had plans to go on a day trip to the seaside on the Saturday so my mum asked if my brother could drop her DGD off a few hours earlier so we could all go together)

They have come back with all these excuses about why they don't want her to go to the seaside. Too far (1 hour drive away). Teething. Not used to being left of such to long period of time (we are asking for 2 hours more than the 21 they want us to have her) - and they want to leave her overnight. They are going to leave her with my mum without a car seat - coz they don't want her going anywhere without them.

I am so angry that they are ruining my families plans for a nice day out because of some lame excuses. Am I reasonable to be upset - how can I convince them they are being silly?

I am of the belief that if you want someone to look after your child, then you/the child fits in with plans as long as child is kept safe and well looked after.

Nottsdoglover

Perhaps they don't think the driver is safe?

mummyroysof3

As the child's parents it is upto them but I personally think they should on this occasion look after their own child if it disrupts your plans unless they made plans that can't be changed ie travelling away for a funeral or such. If they are just going to be at home then their child should stay with them.

shop-to-drop

Your mum should say she isn't able to babysit as she has plans she doesn't want to change.

Offering to take her with you was a generous offer it is unreasonable for them to expect you all to change your plans because they think you should.

BigAunty

My experience is that you cannot talk reason into people that weren't talked into unreasonableness in the first place. You are seeking a logical outcome for an emotional situation - logic goes out of the window.

Is this the first time they've left their child for overnight babysitting so could it be their nerves getting the better of them? Or can you recall other instances where you felt they were controlling/manipulating the family?

I just want to understand if its just down to innocent over twitchiness on their part to a new situation or if its part of a pattern of behaviour.

I recommend that your parents ask nicely again, saying they'd set their heart on a family trip to the seaside and trying to assuage their fears that it will be too much for their kid - for example, did your parents used to take you and your sibling on long trips at that age? In other words, is your brother asking them to halt a practice that he experienced at that age with no ill effects.

How do your parents feel about this? Enough to cancel the offer of overnight stay without a car seat as it effectively ties them to the house for half of the easter holiday?

Person_one

It looks like your brother has two options. Either your mum has the baby and she goes to the seaside (I presume your mum is sensible about suncream and the baby won't be in any danger!) or they look after her themselves.

It sounds like new parent nerves to me, but that doesn't mean they can cancel all your plans just like that.

Mojisola

spendingmad wrote: »

My brother has asked my mum to babysit his daughter (10months) on Saturday from 1pm until the next day.

We had plans to go on a day trip to the seaside on the Saturday so my mum asked if my brother could drop her DGD off a few hours earlier so we could all go together)

They have come back with all these excuses about why they don't want her to go to the seaside.

I am of the belief that if you want someone to look after your child, then you/the child fits in with plans as long as child is kept safe and well looked after.

Which came first - your Mum agreeing to babysit or the plans for the day out?

If he had asked her to babysit and she'd said - that's fine but we'll be going to the seaside - he would have had the choice of saying okay or looking for someone else to babysit.

delain

I wouldn't be happy for someone to take a 10 month baby to the beach, purely because I've done similar before and total nightmare doesn't even cover it.

what exactly is the plan? Is it sitting on the beach or other stuff as well?

The 10 month old can't be trusted not to eat sand or dog ends/rubbish left behind on the beach
the 10 month old is way too young for typical 'seaside' amusements so will be stuck in a buggy bored rigid if thats your plan
The 10 month old is more than capable of crawling to the water and could drown in seconds... are you really going to watch her like a hawk every single second (and on a beach THAT WOULD be required)
Would the 10 month old be in the sun for excessive amounts of time?

FatVonD

I don't think your brother and his wife are being unreasonable, they are okay with their daughter staying with your parents in their home but not happy with her being taken on a car journey for a day out that is going to see her spending most of her day being wheeled around in a buggy so the older children can do what they want to do.

Perhaps also they wanted to be there the first time she ever sees the sea?

I think that since your parents agreed to babysit first then they need to keep to their end of the deal and not cancel or insist on taking her because you have come up with a more exciting plan.

CH27

Mojisola wrote: »

Which came first - your Mum agreeing to babysit or the plans for the day out?

If he had asked her to babysit and she'd said - that's fine but we'll be going to the seaside - he would have had the choice of saying okay or looking for someone else to babysit.

Just what I was going to ask.
If your mum already had plans with you then she is being more than reasonable offering to take baby with you.
If she agreed to babysit first then it's different.

Person_one

delain wrote: »

I wouldn't be happy for someone to take a 10 month baby to the beach, purely because I've done similar before and total nightmare doesn't even cover it.

what exactly is the plan? Is it sitting on the beach or other stuff as well?

The 10 month old can't be trusted not to eat sand or dog ends/rubbish left behind on the beach
the 10 month old is way too young for typical 'seaside' amusements so will be stuck in a buggy bored rigid if thats your plan
The 10 month old is more than capable of crawling to the water and could drown in seconds... are you really going to watch her like a hawk every single second (and on a beach THAT WOULD be required)
Would the 10 month old be in the sun for excessive amounts of time?

There'll be 3 adults and two older children, I'm sure they can manage!