Brother wants us to babysit niece but dictates where we can take her

shop-to-drop

OP didn't actually say that Grandma agreed to babysit first just that she'd been asked. Them babysitting for the gig isn't an issue as then can be back from the seaside at 5pm but if they want to go shopping first without their daughter then they need to allow her to go to the seaside with the rest of them otherwise take her shopping with them or go shopping another time or buy what they need online. Perhaps OP could fill in the gaps for those that feel the need to know every detail before comments can be made.

fabforty

FBaby wrote: »

But the grand mother hasn't changed her mind, she has just indicated that she wishes to take the baby out whilst she is babysitting.

She hasn't changed her mind, but if brother doesn't want his daughter to go out (no car seat etc), grandmother planning a day out on the day that she should be babysitting means that she can't babysit as planned. It sounds like it would be a nice day out, but assume that he and his wife have their reasons, and they might well be very reasonable (if we knew what they were).

FatVonD

FBaby wrote: »

What we don't know is he has ever indicated that he would never want his parents to take their baby out in any circumstances.

Surely there are degrees of things that one would allow someone looking after their baby to do with that child though. I was happy for my friend's daughter to babysit my son in my home but I wouldn't have let her take him to Glastonbury or backpacking around Europe with her and everything else is on a bit of a sliding scale inbetween.

The OP's brother and his wife aren't happy with her parents taking their daughter to the beach and that is their perogative, it's not for the OP or anyone here to decide what they *should* allow.

FatVonD

shop-to-drop wrote: »

OP didn't actually say that Grandma agreed to babysit first just that she'd been asked. Them babysitting for the gig isn't an issue as then can be back from the seaside at 5pm but if they want to go shopping first without their daughter then they need to allow her to go to the seaside with the rest of them otherwise take her shopping with them or go shopping another time or buy what they need online. Perhaps OP could fill in the gaps for those that feel the need to know every detail before comments can be made.

I don't think that will happen, as a general rule of thumb on here any further supporting information offered will only be of a kind that supports the OP's viewpoint :rotfl:

Person_one

Bennifred wrote: »

I'm with the brother on this one.
If he's asked his mother to have the baby and she's agreed with no mention that she's then going to organise to have a day out with other family then I don't blame him for being put out.

When I have my nieces or nephews, I don't provide an itinerary for the day to be pre-approved by their parents. I might mention what I was thinking of doing, or I might end up taking them out somewhere on impulse or because I see something advertised online that they'd enjoy, or a friend gets in touch suggesting a meet up with their children.

Are babysitters supposed to have a timetable and not take the kids anywhere without express permission?

FBaby

The OP's brother and his wife aren't happy with her parents taking their daughter to the beach and that is their perogative, it's not for the OP or anyone here to decide what they *should* allow.

That might be, but when if the grandmother knew that she wouldn't be entitled to take the baby out, why didn't she contact her son immediately to tell her that she couldn't babysit afterall since according to OP, she contacted her right away?


I personally find it astonishing that anyone could consider an afternoon of shopping more important that their parents being able to enjoy to spend the afternoon with family they don't get to see regularly, especially when they already get the chance to enjoy an evening out. I certainly couldn't enjoy shopping myself knowing that I was forcing my parents to be home all afternoon and missing out on a good time.

Alikay

I can understand how the brother feels. When our children were young I always worried about them going on a long car journey without us. It's silly and illogical, I know, but I felt very scared. The first time they went on a school trip I smiled and waved them goodbye and then sat feeling sick and chewing my nails to the quick until they were back again. Luckily my parents never went far with our children and I would have forced myself to smile and say yes if they had wanted to, but more out of politeness and not wanting them to feel I didn't trust them (I did trust them - it was just an irrational fear, but a very big one). Inside I'd have been a total mess thinking of them in peril on a motorway!

I don't think I'd ask my DD if we could take our DGD's on a long journey for the time being (they're 3 months, and 2 and a half) because I have a feeling she'd be the same, and I wouldn't want to put her on the spot.

FatVonD

FBaby wrote: »

That might be, but when if the grandmother knew that she wouldn't be entitled to take the baby out, why didn't she contact her son immediately to tell her that she couldn't babysit afterall since according to OP, she contacted her right away?


I personally find it astonishing that anyone could consider an afternoon of shopping more important that their parents being able to enjoy to spend the afternoon with family they don't get to see regularly, especially when they already get the chance to enjoy an evening out. I certainly couldn't enjoy shopping myself knowing that I was forcing my parents to be home all afternoon and missing out on a good time.

My understanding from the first post is that the babysitting had been arranged first (and given how far in advance gig tickets have to be bought I imagine it has been planned for some time) and that the OP has only in the last couple of days suggested the day out to the beach.

My take on it is that they are travelling to, say, London for a gig and have decided to tag on a trip to Oxford Street while they are there. They made their plans comfortable that they knew their relatively young baby would be at her Grandma's house (possibly for the first time they had left her overnight?) watching CBeebies in familiar surroundings and now have had it put to them that she won't be where they thought she would be but an hour away from there.

sulkisu

A lot depends on the brothers reasons. For example I wouldn't let my children go out for the day with my BIL. He drives like a boy racer (even with his children in the car) and he chain smokes in his car regardless of who is there (it's his car, so he does what he likes). So if I were in OP's brothers shoes (my MIL babysitting but wanting to go out with BIL for the day), I would also be saying no and would probably also be regarded as selfish etc.


My point is that we have no idea what his objections are, so it is impossible to say that he is being unreasonable.


ETA - I agree with another poster who says that the title of the thread is misleading.

rach_k

I'd say the baby is pretty young to be left for that long with a babysitter so I don't think it's unreasonable for the parents to ask that she stays at home in familiar surroundings and where she'll be able to stick to any routine she may have. Taking a baby that age for a day trip can be a pain to plan - keeping bottles sterile, storing breastmilk or taking formula powder and finding water that's hot enough or taking ready made cartons (not all babies appreciate ready made stuff), nappies, changing LO when you don't know where the local baby-friendly toilets are etc. I think a lot of parents would be nervous about doing that themselves, let alone the baby going off with somebody else to do it. Grandma may be the most capable babysitter ever but your fear as a parent is instinctive and sometimes irrational - no blame there.

If the babysitting came first, I think Grandma needs to stick to it. I would expect a babysitter to ask if it was okay to take a baby to the beach, even an older child, and to accept it if the answer is no. If the beach plan came first, Grandma needs to work out what she wants to do most. I don't think you can *make* parents be okay with taking their child somewhere they've said they're not happy about. Remember also that Grandma is the mother's MIL and we don't know what the relationship there is like. Maybe they've had to ask his mum but the baby's mum might not be particularly happy about it - often mums and MILs don't get on as well as mums and their own mums.