Brother wants us to babysit niece but dictates where we can take her

Nicki

sulkisu wrote: »

Perhaps they have a pushchair.

That wouldn't do my mum much good if I left my kids with her for the afternoon. Nearest shop to her is 5 miles, doctor the same, a and e 20 miles and one bus in and out of her village by day.

But she could get some fresh air I guess. And leave the baby outside in it if she puked or pooed over her last clean outfit to save her smelling the house out rather than nipping to asda for a clean onesie.

Bennifred

Person_one wrote: »

When I have my nieces or nephews, I don't provide an itinerary for the day to be pre-approved by their parents. I might mention what I was thinking of doing, or I might end up taking them out somewhere on impulse or because I see something advertised online that they'd enjoy, or a friend gets in touch suggesting a meet up with their children.

Are babysitters supposed to have a timetable and not take the kids anywhere without express permission?

That would depend on the parents, imo - some are more relaxed than others.

GobbledyGook

Have your parents babysat before for your niece? Is your brother usually so picky about where they take her?

Who would be driving? Could it be that they don't want her in the car for that long (presumably with busy Easter traffic) with whoever the driver is?

My BIL has regularly looked after my children since my 10 year old was a baby and over the vast majority of things I have always trusted him 100%, but it's only in the last 2 years since he had an accident (his fault) accepted blame for it and sorted his driving out that he's allowed to take them in his car.

In general I think if someone is babysitting you need to trust them and just let them get on with it, but if you have a specific concern then it's fair enough to say 'I'd rather you didn't' (obviously the babysitter is fair enough to say 'I'm not babysitting' then if they wish)

pinkshoes

Could the OP perhaps clarify whether the trip to the seaside was organised BEFORE or AFTER the brother askex for a babysitter?

(As it makes a big difference! )

spendingmad

Ok - for those who need detail.....

Brother asked if mum could babysit she said she would check diary etc and get back to him. At no point did he say 'can you babysit but only stay at your home and not go anywhere.'

Mum rang me and asked for plans over weekend and mentioned babysitting. I replied that I would come to them to allow them to look after my niece but would sleep elsewhere (no room for everyone) and go out for the day to see them and niece. Cousins love seeing her and playing etc.

I should point out that for the past 7 years mum and dad have visited me over Easter weekend, but as part of discussion above I said we would go to them.

Mum replied by text saying yes she could have baby and we where coming up and seeing them for day.

Brother/my niece see mum & dad weekly live 10 minutes away.
We see mum & dad every 6 weeks and live 2 hours away

Mum & Dad in 50s not old. Are capable drivers etc.

They are travelling 30mins to shopping/gig and tickets booked 2/3 weeks ago which is why other grandparents couldn't have baby as everyone had plans for Easter.

It is the first time they have left baby overnight. But are happy to leave her 22hours. When we first left children overnight we put them to bed at 7 at grandparents and where back at 9am next morning until DD was comfortable stopping there.

I just feel it is rude it expect/ask grandparents to babysit and then stop them using their judgement to look after baby.

We are not going to get anywhere with Brother as he won't give really logical reasons for preventing trip.

I think me, DH and kids and going to the beach and will call at mums on way back for a meal.

GobbledyGook

Could another issue be that their nose(s) are a bit out of joint because the nice day out to the seaside has been arranged on a day neither of the baby's parents can come due to prior plans?

GobbledyGook

Cross posted with you - it sounds like panicky nerves over leaving her overnight for the first time.

balletshoes

spendingmad wrote: »

Ok - for those who need detail.....

Brother asked if mum could babysit she said she would check diary etc and get back to him. At no point did he say 'can you babysit but only stay at your home and not go anywhere.'

Mum rang me and asked for plans over weekend and mentioned babysitting. I replied that I would come to them to allow them to look after my niece but would sleep elsewhere (no room for everyone) and go out for the day to see them and niece. Cousins love seeing her and playing etc.

I should point out that for the past 7 years mum and dad have visited me over Easter weekend, but as part of discussion above I said we would go to them.

Mum replied by text saying yes she could have baby and we where coming up and seeing them for day.

Brother/my niece see mum & dad weekly live 10 minutes away.
We see mum & dad every 6 weeks and live 2 hours away

Mum & Dad in 50s not old. Are capable drivers etc.

They are travelling 30mins to shopping/gig and tickets booked 2/3 weeks ago which is why other grandparents couldn't have baby as everyone had plans for Easter.

It is the first time they have left baby overnight. But are happy to leave her 22hours. When we first left children overnight we put them to bed at 7 at grandparents and where back at 9am next morning until DD was comfortable stopping there.

I just feel it is rude it expect/ask grandparents to babysit and then stop them using their judgement to look after baby.

We are not going to get anywhere with Brother as he won't give really logical reasons for preventing trip.

I think me, DH and kids and going to the beach and will call at mums on way back for a meal.

okay, so accepting that is the situation, theres not really any point getting upset/irritated by it.

Is your mum upset OP? If she is, she's the one who needs to talk to her son about it, its not anyone else's job to do that.
And of course, as others have said, if she's really not happy with restrictions being put on what she can do/where she can go with her grandchild when she's babysitting, she needs to tell her son that too, so that he can make other arrangements for the future.

bylromarha

So it sounds to me like your mum is trying to accomodate everyone - she wants to see you and your family and she wants to help brother out.

You want things your way. Brother wants things his way.

It looks like what will happen is that you and your family will only see your mum for a short bit of time, which is sad seeing as you seem to have a family tradition of spending Easter together.

Is going to the beach more important to you or spending time with your mum? Why not ask brother for some places where he'd be happy for his child to go to, where you and you family can also have a fun day out with nan.

You say its baby's first overnight with nan - has she babysit before during the day?

barbiedoll

IMO, your brother is being unreasonable. And if he won't talk about why he doesn't want his baby being taken out then it is possibly his wife who has misgivings.

They are being petty by not leaving the baby's car seat, basically holding the grandparents hostage in their own home! An hour's drive is not a huge trip for a 10 month old who would probably sleep for much of the journey anyway. As for being stuck in a buggy all day, that is a ridiculous argument, what does a 10 month old do all day? They don't really spend their days walking or running around. As for "crawling into the sea." Really? :rotfl:

I left my baby son with my mum overnight for the first time when me and DH had a quick trip to see my friend in Cornwall to deliver a granite worktop to her home. My sister, without asking my permission, took my mum, my baby and our aunt out for a day trip to the country. She didn't ask me as she wouldn't have thought that I'd have refused anyway (which I wouldn't) My son was "trapped" in his buggy for most of the day, apart from when they stopped for a cuppa and a sandwich. I don't know what he thought of it but apparently he slept through most of the night (a rarity for him!) so he obviously wasn't too traumatised by it!

OP, can't you have a quiet word with your brother to find out what the real reason for the travel ban is? It's a shame that your parents have to miss out on a trip to the beach with their family.