Brother wants us to babysit niece but dictates where we can take her

FBaby

balletshoes wrote: »

maybe they want their first trip to the beach as a family to be just the 3 of them?

If you are going to be so selective, than maybe it might be better to reconsider using the grand children as babysitter. What will it be next? No you can't take him to the cinema, the restaurant, ice skating, theatre, museum because we want to him to experience this for the first time. Will it be the same when the grand parents suggest taking him to a nice holiday when he is older but because he hasn't been there with mum and and dad first, it will be a no go?

GobbledyGook

Ah if the baby has never been to the beach before I can see why they'd want to take her. It would have been better for the brother to say that straight away as his random excuses just made the situation worse as it seemed like he didn't want hte grandparents leaving the house with the baby.

I can see it easily being one of those things a first time parent wants to do with their baby first.

Mojisola

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Ah if the baby has never been to the beach before I can see why they'd want to take her. It would have been better for the brother to say that straight away as his random excuses just made the situation worse as it seemed like he didn't want hte grandparents leaving the house with the baby.

I wonder whether this is yet another excuse because he doesn't want to say the real reason. If it was the real reason, why not say that straight away?

spendingmad - how well do you get on with your brother and his partner? Do you have different ideas about child-rearing?

If I was the Gran, how I handled the problem would depend on the timing of the plans. If son had asked ages ago and I agreed, I would go along with his wishes for this weekend. A discussion for what happens about babysitting in the future would be needed so that we all understand the other's wishes - he could then decide whether he wants me to babysit in the future and I could decide whether I wanted to do it.

If he'd asked about this weekend and I'd said okay but remember your sister always comes down at Easter so we might all go out somewhere, he would have had time to think about and change his plans if he wasn't happy with the idea.

I wouldn't be happy at his plan not to leave a car seat because that would say to me that he doesn't trust me not to go off to the seaside after saying I wouldn't.

shegirl

spendingmad wrote: »

My brother ask mum to babysit, she contacted me to ask my plans knowing it was Easter and I said not a problem we would sleep elsewhere but go out for the day together. This was 2/3 weeks ago. Brother is going shopping in city center then onto a gig. I suggested he skips the shopping and we would be back 5ish for mum to have baby but that won't work apparently.

It is a 50minute/1hour drive to coast
Beach is within nature area so we would spend an hour max on beach followed by walk around nature reserve.
We would then go to nearby seaside town to go to park/gardens/prom.
We would probably be out 5 hours max - but want to go late morning to get back and not upset bedtime routine etc.
We are all very responsible and if he doesn't trust my mum to look after her he shouldnt ask her to babysit.

If they are nervous parents they A - shouldn't leave her or B - get over it and stop being selfish!

It's you who is being selfish.The babysitting was arranged first,your mother put it first too.But you expect your brother to change his plans for you?

FBaby

If he'd asked about this weekend and I'd said okay but remember your sister always comes down at Easter so we might all go out somewhere, he would have had time to think about and change his plans if he wasn't happy with the idea.

OP has explained that normally, they go to hers for Easter, so there would have been no grand-parents to babysit in normal circumstances. She makes the effort to be the one coming up for once and yet can't enjoy a day out with her parents.

What is really sad is that if the excuse is true, it is such a selfish one to make. I'm sure a 10 months old won't care one bit if they get to experience the seaside with his grandparents, aunt and cousins rather than is parents. As a matter of fact, it might be a much more fun experience with other children.

FBaby

shegirl wrote: »

It's you who is being selfish.The babysitting was arranged first,your mother put it first too.But you expect your brother to change his plans for you?

No she doesn't expect him to change his plans, she expects him to be a bit more appreciative of the efforts are making to suit HIM and agree for the baby to go to the seaside, then no plans are changed, he does his shopping and has fun at his gigs whilst OP enjoys the family outings she was hoping for.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

OP has explained that normally, they go to hers for Easter, so there would have been no grand-parents to babysit in normal circumstances.

spendingmad wrote: »

My brother ask mum to babysit, she contacted me to ask my plans knowing it was Easter and I said not a problem we would sleep elsewhere but go out for the day together.

I thought they usually visited Gran but wouldn't be able to stay at her house because of the baby staying.

We would probably be out 5 hours max - but want to go late morning to get back and not upset bedtime routine etc.

One solution that means both sides compromise - so no-one "wins" - is for the day out to start earlier and for the brother to give up his shopping plans. That way Gran and family can be back home in time for son to drop baby off and head off to the gig.

On the other hand - what's the weather forecast in the coastal area for Sunday? There's going to be heavy rain in parts of the country - not really seaside weather.

shegirl

FBaby wrote: »

No she doesn't expect him to change his plans, she expects him to be a bit more appreciative of the efforts are making to suit HIM and agree for the baby to go to the seaside, then no plans are changed, he does his shopping and has fun at his gigs whilst OP enjoys the family outings she was hoping for.

Yes she does,she has already said she has suggested he doesn't go shopping and drops the baby off later.Changing the plans that were made before anybody knew anyone was going to the beach.

For the brother,with all the suggestions it likely looks like 'mum said she'll babysit,oh great she has been asked to do something else/has a better offer so we either to change to fit with my sister and her plans or maybe mum will just cancel babysitting'

The entire thing is changing the original plans due to a sudden beach trip.I can fully see why the brother would be annoyed.

FBaby

Indeed, she is providing suggestions to fit everyone but he seems unprepared to consider any or make some himself. She is not asking for him to change his plans, just to offer some flexibility but he won't have any of it. To me, that is selfish behaviour.

FBaby

Mojisola wrote: »

One solution that means both sides compromise - so no-one "wins" - is for the day out to start earlier and for the brother to give up his shopping plans. That way Gran and family can be back home in time for son to drop baby off and head off to the gig.

Totally agree, that would be a fair compromise that would suit the grand parents and the baby best.