Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

FBaby

Yet that's what happy butterfly is asking of her husband except because she is asking for it she doesn't define it as nagging hence it being about perception. What parent doesn't nag their kids to do things as it often the only way things happen unfortunately it is still often the only way some adults get motivated too.

I personally think nagging is as much how the words are delivered as how they are perceived depending on the sensibility of the receiver.

19lottie82

Person_one wrote: »

She is probably obese in terms of BMI, but why do people always add 'morbidly' to make it sound extra dramatic? Morbidly obese is a BMI over 40 and unless she's about 4ft tall that's unlikely!

Until recently, I was 2 stone outwith the "healthy" BMI scale and was considered "obese", so I would expect someone who was 5-6 stone overweight to be "morbidly" obese. I wasn't just adding that word to be "overly dramatic".

hazyjo

Why are there biscuits and chocolate in the house? Who does the shopping? Do they get bought automatically, or is it more a case of nipping in a shop on the way home and buying a 'treat' for later?

Forget diets. Change eating habits. Smaller plates/smaller portions. Different 'treats' (I have switched from Magnums in the freezer to Del Monte Raspberry Smoothie ice lollies - and the thought of a chocolatey Magnum (or equivalent) after dinner makes me feel ill now! I adore the other ones! Only 82 calories.

Get

victory

FBaby wrote: »

Yet that's what happy butterfly is asking of her husband except because she is asking for it she doesn't define it as nagging hence it being about perception. What parent doesn't nag their kids to do things as it often the only way things happen unfortunately it is still often the only way some adults get motivated too.

I personally think nagging is as much how the words are delivered as how they are perceived depending on the sensibility of the receiver.

I agree but one would have to have the armour of an armodillo to be able to take well an OH wanting you to try on a swimming costume:eek:

Person_one

19lottie82 wrote: »

Until recently, I was 2 stone outwith the "healthy" BMI scale and was considered "obese", so I would expect someone who was 5-6 stone overweight to be "morbidly" obese. I wasn't just adding that word to be "overly dramatic".

Overweight is over 25, obese is over 30, morbidly obese is over 40 (these are the WHO's figures) so there's more 'room' in the obese category if you see what I mean. I'm guessing you're not very tall, that 2 stone extra would put you over 30?

19lottie82

Person_one wrote: »

Overweight is over 25, obese is over 30, morbidly obese is over 40 (these are the WHO's figures) so there's more 'room' in the obese category if you see what I mean. I'm guessing you're not very tall, that 2 stone extra would put you over 30?

I'm 5'9", and female.

paulineb_2

Id say that someone who needs to lose 5 or 6 stones wont need it pointing out to them. Speaking as someone who has spent the last 7 years or so going between being very fit and at a weight I was happy with, to very unfit and overweight and back again (Ive had a couple of injuries, both broken bones and some other stressful life stuff as well), no one needed to tell me I had to lose weight.

I knew it. As it was no one in my family said anything to me. I know they know me well enough to know Id get motivated in my own time. My brother suggested a few years back about me going to see him to get a gym programme done, at that point my exercise routine was half hearted to nil. I didnt have the confidence to do it at that time. But I did it in the end. It had to come from me.

I have their support, my mum and my brother. I know it. But if that support had been of the kind of, well I find calorie counting easy, are you going to sell those dvds as you obviously arent using them and why dont you shove a swimsuit on to see how awful you'll look in a few months if you dont start dieting, I actually don't know what my reaction would have been.

People who need to lose weight can already be very sensitive and by that I dont mean flouncing off in a drama style huff. It can be hard enough without having your size pointed out by other people.

Person_one

19lottie82 wrote: »

I'm 5'9", and female.

For your height, you'd have to weigh 19st5lb to be in the morbidly obese category.

Cottage_Economy

The trouble is OP the goal she has set is too high. To lose 5-6 stone is a massive frightening undertaking, and I'm not surprised she's back in the biscuits within half an hour. She had the initial motivation and her brain worked on her within that half an hour and convinced her it was futile. She probably also thinks she has to be perfect at something right off the bat or it's not worth doing, hence giving up on the exercise video within a few minutes. She thinks she has to be 'good' 100% of the time, which she doesn't.

She may want to try setting much smaller goals over a longer period of time, do away with the perfectionist thinking and be prepared to try different things and perhaps be crap at it for a while.

A few years ago I was about 13.5 stone and 5ft 3, up from 8.5 stone when I met hubby. Up to about 12 stone I got away with a lot of it because I have an hourglass figure and it went on fairly equally. To a certain extent by dressing right for my shape and wearing heels a lot I still managed to look ok up to 13.5 stone, however I couldn't get away with the chubby face anymore so decided to lose weight.

I knew from setting big goals for decades I probably wouldn't be able to stick to a diet or exercise programme, but I knew I could do something small and slow, so I decided to lose half a stone A YEAR, but lose it permanently by changing my lifestyle tiny bit at a time. I'm now 11 stone 10 and going down by a fraction every week.

Every few months I change something and stick to it.

For example:

::Setting limits in my head and sticking to them. I can have a couple of biscuits a day if I like, but no more and I usually have a nice afternoon tea and eat them then then. Or sometimes a bit of cake.

::I had to learn portion control and was horrified at the amounts I had been eating.

::We switched our plates to ones with large borders and smaller middles and automatically started eating less.

::I pushed myself to have my five portions of fruit and veg a day and eat a lot of veg at dinner. To start with I had to have some kind of sauce on them as I didn't like the taste, but after a while I found veggies that I liked and eventually didn't use the sauce any more.

::Making sure I have a probiotic of some kind (yoghurt, pill, or drink) so my digestion is much more efficient.

::Started off by walking once a week on a Sunday. Stuck in a walk on a Wednesday. Took my camera with me in the beginning to have a reason to go to stop my brain derailing me. Did the odd exercise video now and then on the other days (not very well I hasten to add). Lot of vigorous house cleaning and odd session of gardening. Now I tend to do 20-40 minutes of yoga more often than not (again not very well, I'm not very strong). I didn't push myself to do a whole exercise programme because I know how my brain operates to derail me.

:: This year's big change has been to give up sugar in my tea and coffee.

::Switching the high fat options in takeaways to lower fat ones.

::Money has dictated we can't have more than one takeaway a month, so that automatically helped me cut down.

...and many more little things, including a few hypnosis tapes.

So, no calorie counting, just moderation and tiny careful doable changes. However, she will be fighting the media and other people all the way who think she should be doing things differently. I didn't tell anyone what I was doing because I did't want to be derailed by their helpful advice.

"Are you losing weight? You look thinner?" (Revving up to start a conversation on dieting).
"Not that I know of...must be the flattering light in here..." (Gets up to put the kettle on).

stardoman

I think you can get into a horrible downward cycle where you want to lose weight but you get really strong cravings for sugar. So you have one biscuit and end up eating the packet. You've killed the diet for today, so will start properly tomorrow and may as well continue over eating today.

This affects your self esteem as every day you fail. And you start to feel really low and miserable as you think about food all the time.

This was me. My husband once told me that my hips were too big and he hoped I wouldn't put on any more weight. I was devastated. Think he was shocked how upset I was.

I ended up going to my gp who put me in touch with a dietician. Although we discussed my diet we discussed things more generally too. We talked about my feelings towards food as thinking about it had really over taken my life at that point.

Fast forward 5 years or so and my second son was born. I was a good 3 stone heavier than when my husband made the hip comment. But I decided I had enough of thinking about food and dieting.

Taking the pressure off myself was a huge relief. I decided I would eat what I wanted, when I wanted and if it was sugary, so be it. I am now much happier but weigh about the same as when I made this decision. I no longer constantly think and talk about food.

I have recently taken up exercise but solely because I enjoy it. I go ice skating. Although I weigh the same, I have gone down around 1 clothes size as I have more muscle now.

I think the OP should encourage his wife to go to the GP to be referred to a dietician and for some counselling. Perhaps if she takes the pressure off herself to diet, the weight will come off more easily. I was put on the waiting list for an appointment for this (counselling), but did not need it in the end.