Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

19lottie82

Person_one wrote: »

For your height, you'd have to weigh 19st5lb to be in the morbidly obese category.

Yes, you're right. I was about a stone out.

Ok, so unless the OP gives us his wife's exact height / weight, we are unlikely to know what "section" she falls into. I wouldn't be surprised if she was indeed "morbidly" obese based on what he has told us.

BUT that's by the by, the bottom line is, if she needs to lose 5-6 stone, does no exercise and eats loads of junk food, that's unhealthy and will result in health problems, there's no denying that.

glitterpuss

I don't think you've gone about your "encouragement" in the right way so far. However in practical terms you could do the following.

Why not make the most of the spring weather and start going out on country walks/bike rides in the summer. A bit of exercise and fresh air will burn calories, and make your wife forget about eating if she's doing something fun.

Do you have a garden or allotment you could spend time in, growing your own veg is cheap and fun, not to mention hard work digging over a veg patch. It'll maybe encourage you both to eat more vegetable meals which are filling and healthy.

Do you cook at home? Can you help with the shopping so there aren't any cakes and biscuits in the house. If you're cooking healthy meals then neither of you will be snacking in between.

margaretclare

hazyjo wrote: »

Why are there biscuits and chocolate in the house? Who does the shopping? Do they get bought automatically, or is it more a case of nipping in a shop on the way home and buying a 'treat' for later?

Forget diets. Change eating habits. Smaller plates/smaller portions. Different 'treats' (I have switched from Magnums in the freezer to Del Monte Raspberry Smoothie ice lollies - and the thought of a chocolatey Magnum (or equivalent) after dinner makes me feel ill now! I adore the other ones! Only 82 calories.

Get

I agree with this.

We don't have biscuits in the house. We don't go to the kind of places where biscuits are passed around as routine - church coffee-mornings, for example. We never buy chocolates. Most people who know us know this. Flowers are always acceptable, chocolates never.

Using a smaller plate is a strategy that works for some people. Counting calories works for some people, not for others. For some, it's just another way of focusing on food all the time when really, it would be better to avoid thinking about food until you're hungry.

tori.k

Not sure if this is a wind-up or not but sometimes tough love is what is needed.

My DH is a type 2 diabetic and for years yo-yo dealing with it,make promises to himself the diabetic nurse just to go whole hog and fall off the wagon 2 weeks later, it really was like having another child to deal with crunch came when the talk turn to moving him off his current injectable and onto insulin, so gave him the choice to join me at slimming world & gym and take control of his life or I would take over his driving business (can't be a taxi driver on insulin) and he could get a job stacking shelves in a supermarket if he wanted to sit and wallow in self pity he could do that on his own dime.

It's work he joined me that week at slimming world and loved being the centre of attention he's now a "helper" he's lost 10% of his bodyweight since January and once he realised there isn't anything he couldn't have is enjoying the diet, exercise tho hard at first improved his general outlook now he's the first to suggest going swimming or walk in the evenings after work, it's worked because we are doing it together, it's improved our relationship due to the time we get to spend together and he's already had a drop in med's altho he has to maintain his current bloods for two years before he can come off his injectable.

I was harsh because I love him and that him not looking after himself was damn right selfish to me and the kids I signed up for in sickness and health.. not until he ate himself into an early grave.

Person_one

19lottie82 wrote: »

Yes, you're right. I was about a stone out.

Ok, so unless the OP gives us his wife's exact height / weight, we are unlikely to know what "section" she falls into. I wouldn't be surprised if she was indeed "morbidly" obese based on what he has told us.

BUT that's by the by, the bottom line is, if she needs to lose 5-6 stone, does no exercise and eats loads of junk food, that's unhealthy and will result in health problems, there's no denying that.

Most people don't consider the very upper end of 'healthy' to be their ideal weight. I'd be incredibly surprised if she actually was morbidly obese.

Being overweight won't be doing her body any good, but neither will dieting under external pressure because she feels nagged and rejected by her husband. That tends to lead to people trying all sorts of daft stuff like 5:2, juice plus, slim fast, atkins etc. and yo yoing for years which is much worse!

The bottom line is, you can't make these decisions for another person. You can't force your partner to stop smoking, or drinking, or to do more exercise or eat more vegetables, they have to make their own choices.

trailingspouse

This is the way I'm seeing it - your wife knows she's overweight, and kind of knows she ought to do something about it. So she mentions it, and talks about doing something about it. But deep down she's not ready to do anything about it. You, because you care and you're worried about her, step up to the plate and make suggestions to try to help. But she's not ready to do anything about it, so she makes excuses - calorie counting is too difficult, exercises are too difficult. So you try to find other ways to help. So she has to find other excuses. This is all very stressful (because she know that she ought to do something about it), and she does what her body is currently programmed to do, which is comfort eating, which isn't helping. And she knows this, which is stressful. And you find the whole thing very frustrating, which is understandable.

First off, I would stop talking about it. That will get both of you out of the current cycle. If she mentions it, make only the most matter-of-fact and brief responses, and then change the subject (eg 'I really need to lose some weight', 'If you want. Wasn't the weather nice today.' You get the idea)

Second off, praise where praise is due. Make genuine compliments - her eyes, her new shoes, her singing voice, her organisational skills, her driving. Anything, so long as it's genuine.

If she's going to lose weight she's going to have to do it herself. She's going to have to work out what will work best for her, and she's going to have to feel good enough about herself to risk making the change.

A small story, to try to illustrate what I mean. Not sure if it helps, but it makes sense inside my head. I've just bought a new car, and OH and his brother jokingly said I should think of a name for it. A bit of a laugh, and I went along with it. They then proceeded to come up with names that would be good - but that's not me thinking of a name, that would be me choosing a name that they had thought of. So every time they tried to 'help' by suggesting a name, they were actually making it harder for me to think of an original one myself.

Leave her alone to think of an idea that works for her. But do it lovingly and with her best interests at heart.

FBaby

victory wrote: »

I agree but one would have to have the armour of an armodillo to be able to take well an OH wanting you to try on a swimming costume:eek:

I expect he suggested it ans she agreed or she wouldn't have done it. Again I can see the helpful gesture in this suggestion as better to realise one feeling depressed about their look and having time to do something about it then going through the same process and feeling dreadful about it but it is too late to change it. I find trying a swimming suit on a very strong incentive. Actually I might do it tonight 😊

Gra76

I'll say it again, I don't nag her. People keep assuming I'm nagging her for some reason. Maybe I should update the OP to say that because a lot of people are still assuming I'm at her 24/7 nagging her. She asks me to help her diet/lose weight and I come up with suggestions but she doesn't follow through on anything I try to suggest to help her no matter how commited she is to it to start with.

As for who does the shopping, she does it on her days off but usually doesn't buy any chocolate/biscuits etc when she does the shopping. She buys those type of things on her way back from work during the week and then stashes them away half the time.

On reflection the swimming cossy idea wasn't the best I'll admit, but it was also the closest I've seen her come to getting some determination in a long time. I'd run out of ideas and thought I'd try something that's been done on a lot of the dieting programs she watches. The pretence of doing it wasn't "Go and get into a swimming cossy because I want to show you how fat you are", it was suggested by saying that we were going on holiday in two months so it'd be an idea to see if we need any new clothes and swimming gear. She said how did she look, I told her to go and look in the mirror. Ok, in a perfect world I'd sugar coat it a bit more but she was so determined to lose weight after she'd done it I was sure it'd worked. For half an hour at least.

I've offered to do her exercise DVD's with her as well and although she originally said that was a good idea she's always had an excuse not to when I've asked her if she wants to put one on.

I'm not trying to 'force her' to diet, she comes to me and asks me to help. I don't know why some people keep missing that point...

Person_one

Telling her to go and look at herself in her swimming costume is a really good example of nagging her about her weight. That's where people are getting the impression from.

If she didn't feel judged/nagged she wouldn't be trying to hide her eating from you and stashing things away.

Gra76

trailingspouse wrote: »

This is the way I'm seeing it - your wife knows she's overweight, and kind of knows she ought to do something about it. So she mentions it, and talks about doing something about it. But deep down she's not ready to do anything about it. You, because you care and you're worried about her, step up to the plate and make suggestions to try to help. But she's not ready to do anything about it, so she makes excuses - calorie counting is too difficult, exercises are too difficult. So you try to find other ways to help. So she has to find other excuses. This is all very stressful (because she know that she ought to do something about it), and she does what her body is currently programmed to do, which is comfort eating, which isn't helping. And she knows this, which is stressful. And you find the whole thing very frustrating, which is understandable.

Bingo! This is exactly the situation. Thankyou for taking the time to actually read into it than some others have! :T