Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

quidsy

Help her by doing exercise with her. Make healthy meals together, meal plan, shop together for that plan & don't buy the crap for her to snack on.

men & women approach this kind of thing differently, she needs guidance & support not being told to look at her fat self in the mirror wearing a cossie.

duchy

You sound a bit like an evangelical reformed smoker....

You lost weight ......and now you want everyone else to do the same .
Why not take the long view - and work on the exercise thing. Start with a nice gentle stroll -take it as time together enjoying each other's company and each time walk a bit further, go swimming, take up some kind of couple type sport - tennis maybe -even if its just a knock about in the parks court but make it FUN not a chore she wants to avoid.
Once she sees the difference she will likely feel better about herself and want to improve her eating habits.......but whilst you moan and groan and are critical she won't (and at best you are coming across as saying to her that you could do it so why can't she....).Simple human nature.

The swimming costume incident was awful -women's minds simply don't work that way especially when it comes from a partner who is supposed to love them unconditionally.

19lottie82

I think the OP's intentions are good, even if the swimsuit thing wasn't the greatest idea!

If his DW really does need to lose 5- 6 stone, then she's not just "overweight", she's morbidly obese and this can lead to all sorts of health problems, so she really needs to address this, before it's too late.

However, I also agree that if she continues to keep her head in the sand and acknowledge the problem then there's not really a lot you can do.

How about joining a gym together, and maybe book some joint personal trainer sessions? I find that if you go to a session in the later hours of the evening, then the gym is a lot quieter, which might help if your wife feels self conscious.

AbbieCadabra

as i kept piling the pounds on over the years, i really wish my OH had said something, anything! ok, back then, i wasn't in the right mindset to do a great deal about it, but i really think it would have made me think about what i was doing to myself. guess i'll never know.

it's already been said, but until she get's her head in the right place, she'll struggle to lose any weight & keep it off. from what you've said, i don't even think exercising along with her or anything else will work until that happens, there'll always be an excuse not to do it.

has she been to her Doctor for any advice?

from how i know how i was, i know only getting to the bottom of my emotional issues helped me. until then, & i still struggle every now & again years later, losing weight was never going to happen as i'd got such a battle going on in my head & the only answer i knew was 'eat'! a seriously vicious circle that can go on forever...

please keep telling her that you love her for who she is & support her the best you can

edit: i'd mentioned the Paul McKenna Hypnosis system, but decided to remove it. this can work, but you've still got to be in the right headspace, so perhaps not a good suggestion for just now.

Person_one

19lottie82 wrote: »

If his DW really does need to lose 5- 6 stone, then she's not just "overweight", she's morbidly obese and this can lead to all sorts of health problems, so she really needs to address this, before it's too late.

She is probably obese in terms of BMI, but why do people always add 'morbidly' to make it sound extra dramatic? Morbidly obese is a BMI over 40 and unless she's about 4ft tall that's unlikely!

thehappybutterfly

I admit I automatically assumed that you were just being horrible but I can see that you genuinely want to help her. Maybe the next time she bemoans her weight, why not ask her what you can do to help. Ive done this with my hubby - I bang on about losing weight or getting more exercise, I request that he makes me go for a walk each evening and "don't take no for an answer!" His response is "well, just remember that tomorrow night when you refuse". That usually works!

FBaby

The attitude on this thread is the reason why we are a nation with such an issue with obesity. Our is seen as an emotional taboo rather than an illness. Amazing how many parents nag their kids to dress warmly when find out to avoid infections (it doesn't) yet find it terrible to do so with a partner for something with much more dangerous consequences.

I would expect my hubby to nag me if I was trying to lose weight but not doing anything to make it happen. I'd see it as a sign of concern and love for me.ultimately he would be right. It's all about perception.

paulineb_2

Gra76 wrote: »

My wife needs to lose a good 5-6 stone in weight. She knows it and has been saying she's going to do it since the beginning of last year.

Problem is that she's still saying she's going to do 16 months later but if anything she's put weight on.

After multiple false starts with Weight Watchers and Slimming World she decided that she didn't like them for some reason, so she decided to buy fitness DVD's and do some exercise at home on her days off. She bought 3 of them at the beginning of the year. So far only one has been removed from its packaging and it was on for a matter of minutes before she turned it off saying she couldn't do it. If I've suggested opening the others and trying them or selling them to someone who actually intends to use them she's mumbled something about her doing them sometime so she doesn't want to get rid of them.

I've tried the calorie counting thing with her (it's worked well for me as I lost 3 stone and am now down to my goal weight but I know it's not for everyone) but she can't keep track of it and refuses to write things down. She says it's too complicated to remember what she's eaten during the day. I keep a running total in my head and find it very easy but she says she can't do that.

Last night I decided to see if a shock to the system might work so I asked her to go and try on her swimming cossy seeing as we're going on holiday in two months time. She could barely squeeze into it. I asked her to go and stand infront of a mirror and see what she was going to look like in two months time on the beach if she didn't start to do something about it. That seemed to have the desired effect for about 30 mins as she said she was motivated again. Then I found her snacking on biscuits in the kitchen. Apparantly she was stressed out so she was comfort eating. She said she wanted a takeaway. I told her I didn't want one so she sulked for the rest of the night and I later found her snacking on chocolate in our bedroom.

Am I right in thinking I shouldn't be pushing it any more? It seems the more I mention it the less she wants to do it. I know she can do it if she really wants to as she managed to lose 50+ lbs for our wedding (nearly 11 years ago) but has slowly been piling it back on ever since.

Maybe she just doesn't want to lose the weight?

Yes. You are right in that you shouldnt be pushing it anymore.
Its easy for some people to lose weight. Other people struggle.
Would I appreciate someone telling me (when I was at my heaviest), to go and put a swimsuit on to see what Id look like if I didn't start dieting? No.

Your wife knows she needs to lose weight. Get out, get walking, swimming,remove the junk food from the house for a time spell. Calorie counting isnt for anyone. Give her support. Get active as someone else suggested.

And if it doesnt work and she still can't get the motivation, support her until she does. Nagging her wont achieve anything.

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

The attitude on this thread is the reason why we are a nation with such an issue with obesity. Our is seen as an emotional taboo rather than an illness. Amazing how many parents nag their kids to dress warmly when find out to avoid infections (it doesn't) yet find it terrible to do so with a partner for something with much more dangerous consequences.

I would expect my hubby to nag me if I was trying to lose weight but not doing anything to make it happen. I'd see it as a sign of concern and love for me.ultimately he would be right. It's all about perception.

Nagging is not an evidence based intervention. It doesn't actually work any more than wrapping up warm stops you getting a cold.

paulineb_2

Person_one wrote: »

She is probably obese in terms of BMI, but why do people always add 'morbidly' to make it sound extra dramatic? Morbidly obese is a BMI over 40 and unless she's about 4ft tall that's unlikely!

Its also possible to be a couple of stones over what the height and weight charts say you should be and still not be at risk of health problems. My BMI was over 40 last year, it's currently about 33 which still puts me into the obese category. But Im fit, I lift weights and I do about 6 classes a week at the gym and I eat healthily. I obviously still have weight to lose, but even a couple of stones loss would make a massive difference to this woman and her life, particularly if she was combining her healthy eating with exercise.

BMI has its limitations as Im sure lots of people know, even the height and weight charts do as far as Im concerned. Two people of the same height could look very different at the same weight, there's a natural weight people's bodies if you are eating well and exercising will settle at and it might be a couple of stones over what the height weight charts say you should be.