Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

Gra76

I don't nag her to lose weight. She talks about it all the time, but then does nothing about it. I'm trying to find ways to help motivate her, I think people are assuming far too much from what I posted!

I don't expect many 'nice' answers as people will always judge. If the swimming costume thing was the meanest thing you've ever heard of then you don't want to be watching any of the weight loss programs on TV, it's a common thing they seem to do and it seems to work just fine on TV.

As for losing 5 stone in 2 months....eh? That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard of, no-one is ever going to do that and I didn't say she needs to lose 5 stone in 2 months either if you care to read it again. You've managed to piece together 2 seperate and unrelated things that I posted and made up your own story...

As for the amount of weight she wants to lose, that's been set by her, not me. She knows what weight she was happy at and that's the weight she wants to lose to get back to it.

delain

Person_one wrote: »

Have you considered finding another overweight woman, maybe the wife of a friend, and having them chase each other or fight gladiator-style until they're both fit and slim?

There's always the 'secret liposuction' option too. You tell your wife you're taking her to a spa to make up for your insensitive comments, then when she's nice and relaxed just slide that anaesthetic needle in and get to work.

I'll tell you what my ex boyfriend used to do, he would buy me clothes that were 1-2 sizes too small and then plead with me to wear them on nights out/romantic evenings. I lost about 11 stone (and a lovely flat which was a shame) as a result of that.

He sounds lovely (!)

Glad he's your ex, don't like to think of anyone putting up with that :eek:

Person_one

bluenoseam wrote: »

Think the OP's getting or is going to get a rough time over his post, but here's a shocking truth for those people thinking he's a jerk. There's no nice way of saying "you need to lose weight", but the truth hurts

People who are overweight very rarely need to be told that they are.

ViolaLass

Have you tried sitting her down and asking what you can do to help her reach her goal? I wonder whether that might come across as more supportive than 'get on with it'.

FBaby

Pour OP every time a poster comes about how to help their OH lose weight they get slaughtered no matter what they say.

I've put on a bit of weight recently and I wouldn't find it offensive in any way if my husband suggested I put my swimming costume on to see how I felt about it. The reality is that many unhappy overweight people moan when they go on holiday about how they look sometimes to the point of the holiday being ruined because they refuse to go to the beach or pool because of the way they feel.
It is not nasty in any way to make them see how they might feel just before going on holiday early enough that they can possibly do something about it.

OP the problem is that over eating is an addiction and therefore not something that is easy to do. Your wife poetically finds it too hard as it is. There is little you can do about it unfortunately as it is all down to her will power and determination.

Person_one

delain wrote: »

He sounds lovely (!)

Glad he's your ex, don't like to think of anyone putting up with that :eek:

Best thing is I was only a size 10-12 at the time, he insisted on buying me 8s!

First thing I did after I left was joyfully put on a stone eating good food without worrying about it.

DomRavioli

OP, you both sound like you need therapy; it isn't ok to humiliate someone you're supposed to love (regardless, never an excuse!) and your OH obviously feels so insecure she has to eat in private, probably because of the verbal abuse she would receive if god forbid she ate a Twix!

Concentrate on making her happy; "losing weight" is one of the great procrastinators that women say to make their OHs stop nagging, even if she is happy with her size (she could be saying it just to please you/shut you up) you need to love and embrace her because she is your wife, and chose to spend her life with you.

Kudos and all that for you losing weight, but maybe she doesn't want to, or feels inadequate because she can't do what you can do and thinks you might leave because she's put on some extra timber (most likely tbh) and says she will lose weight through fear of losing you.

Have a conversation, that doesn't include insults, with your wife and ask her how she really feels. Only then can you start to work on fixing what you have so blatantly broken, and if my OH said that to me, he would be through the door faster than a speeding bullet; you're bullying her.

Mrs_Imp

It sounds like you have good intentions OP, but your methods aren't the ones that are working for your wife right now.

Sit down with her and tell her that you'll support her if and when she wants to lose weight. If she does want to lose weight ask her how you can best help her - eg nagging, doing it with her, letting her get on with it etc. If she says that she doesn't want to lose weight now, then make sure she knows that you love her for who she is and not for what she looks like.

Gra76

I do love her for who she is and I've told her I don't care if she loses the weight or not, she's the one who keeps saying she needs to lose it, not me.

A few people have jumped the gun and assumed (very wrongly) that I nag her and tell her she's fat all the time. I can assure you I don't mention anything until she brings it up about losing weight, I just try to suggest ways to help.

She's always saying she's going to lose weight, but then does nothing about it, I'm trying to find ways to help motivate her. There's a few people that need to stop making assumptions that I beat her over the head with it everytime I see her because most of the above posts are based on assuming (incorrectly) that I'm some kind of 'bully' who spends my time being mean to her when this isn't the case.

I only ever try to help her when she brings it up. I suggest ways to help and she says she'll try them and then doesn't. It's a bit frustrating at times.

Person_one

Gra76 wrote: »

I do love her for who she is and I've told her I don't care if she loses the weight or not, she's the one who keeps saying she needs to lose it, not me.

A few people have jumped the gun and assumed (very wrongly) that I nag her and tell her she's fat all the time. I can assure you I don't mention it at all!

She's always saying she's going to lose weight, but then does nothing about it, I'm trying to find ways to help motivate her. There's a few people that need to stop making assumptions that I beat her over the head with it everytime I see her because most of the above posts are based on assuming (incorrectly) that I'm some kind of 'bully' who spends my time being mean to her when this isn't the case.

I only ever try to help her when she brings it up. I suggest ways to help and she says she'll try them and then doesn't. It's a bit frustrating at times.

She doesn't really want your advice. Everybody knows how to lose weight if they really want to. She wants you to be kind, to reassure her that you love her and think she's beautiful whatever her size. Try doing that instead.