Childcare worker's behaviour outside work?

GobbledyGook

poet123 wrote: »

I work in education and I have four children and I am not a saint.

I have never, ever, sworn at a child or behaved in any way that could remotely be compared with the woman in the OP. My kids are almost all grown up now, but strangely, they have managed to get through life and now working life despite being scarred by not being sworn at during childhood.;) How do they cope?

Contrary to your position I think it is those who do swear at children whose childhoods may have been less than pleasant. Children learn by example, and if that is their example the cycle perpetuates.

I work in the sector because I love it, I don't put an act on when I go out of the door, if you have to do that you are in the wrong job. Yes, we all have bad days when we moan and complain to our colleagues about all and sundry related to education and the hoops we jump through on a daily basis, but that is very different to taking out your angst on the children or their parents.

You and Irishrose seem very alike!;)

The highlighted bit is the only bit I'd disagree with. When I was a small child my parents regularly swore at us (and screamed in our faces) and it's one of the reasons I would bite a hole in my tongue if I needed to before I swear at a child.

poet123

GobbledyGook wrote: »

The highlighted bit is the only bit I'd disagree with. When I was a small child my parents regularly swore at us (and screamed in our faces) and it's one of the reasons I would bite a hole in my tongue if I needed to before I swear at a child.

Yes, I accept that is also an outcome. I think it is a minority outcome though, sadly. If it seems the norm to us, and to those around us, we usually don't see an issue with it. Apologies for the generalisation.

IrishRose12

poet123 wrote: »

I work in education and I have four children and I am not a saint.

I have never, ever, sworn at a child or behaved in any way that could remotely be compared with the woman in the OP. My kids are almost all grown up now, but strangely, they have managed to get through life and now working life despite being scarred by not being sworn at during childhood.;) How do they cope?

Contrary to your position I think it is those who do swear at children whose childhoods may have been less than pleasant. Children learn by example, and if that is their example the cycle perpetuates.

I work in the sector because I love it, I don't put an act on when I go out of the door, if you have to do that you are in the wrong job. Yes, we all have bad days when we moan and complain to our colleagues about all and sundry related to education and the hoops we jump through on a daily basis, but that is very different to taking out your angst on the children or their parents.

You and Irishrose seem very alike!;)

I take offence to that on so many levels! I had a lovely childhood, a very pleasant one and have not one complaint about how I was raised. And yes, my parents swore and shouted at me, and smacked me if it was needed.
We were shouted at in school if we did something wrong, and if you complained to your parents about it the reply would be, well you must have done something. 9.9 out of 10 times they were right.

I sometime swear at my children, not all the time and I don't do it in an everyday situation, most of the time it's out of frustration, but they don't swear, they get great reports and have been praised for their manners and respect towards others. The oldest has been chosen to represent their school a few times and reports and parent teacher meetings tell us both that our children are a credit to us.

I work as a classroom assistant because I love my job, I couldn't imagine myself doing any other job as I love working with children. I do have to put an act on sometimes yes, I'm not ashamed to admit that, it's not very often, but I admit to doing so, That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to behave whatever way I want and raise my children what way I want outside of school.

As for this no swear business people claim on here, all I have to say to that is OK then. You're all the perfect parents and whoopie doo, the rest of us normal parents who live in the real world are terrible and should be reported to social services!

And to RuthnJasper How dare you claim that I dislike my own children! I love my children with every beat of my heart, who on God's earth are you to judge me on how I raise my children!!
I just happen to live in the real world and don't wrap my children in cotton wool and think they are the only children on the earth. Unlike most children these days who start school and get the shock of their lives when they are told they have to share, not allowed to push/bully others, they have to realise that they are not the center of attention and not the prince/princess and they have to share attention to 30 other children in the class.
I see children coming into school these days who think it's OK to hit/push etc because they don't get their own way, I also see children who cry constantly because they cannot get the one on one attention that they have been given at home and they are not the center of attention anymore. They can't be wrapped in cotton wool and live in this perfect world some people believe in all their life.

My children are confident, well mannered and obedient. They don't run the streets, they know right and right and they know how to respect others. But they also know that they can't get away with things when they are in the wrong, they know there are repercussions and they know not to do it again.
My children are all of these yes, but they aren't angels, just like no-one in the world is an angel, nor is anyone perfect.

poet123

I think we will have to agree to disagree that swearing has a place in disciplining children. Or that it adds anything positive to their upbringing.

Not agreeing with that does not mean that those children are allowed to do as they like, lack respect or expect the whole to turn over for them. It is simply unnecessary to do it, undesirable and a bad example. I would not be happy for any of my children to be taught by someone who defended the stance that it was acceptable, even if they refrain from doing it in the school setting.

GobbledyGook

poet123 wrote: »

I think we will have to agree to disagree that swearing has a place in disciplining children. Or that it adds anything positive to their upbringing.

Not agreeing with that does not mean that those children are allowed to do as they like, lack respect or expect the whole to turn over for them. It is simply unnecessary to do it, undesirable and a bad example. I would not be happy for any of my children to be taught by someone who defended the stance that it was acceptable, even if they refrain from doing it in the school setting.

Exactly this. I've never claimed to be a perfect parent, but the fact that I don't swear at my children doesn't mean they are wrapped in cotton wool or get away with murder. In fact I'm one of the strictest parents I know when it comes to behaviour and manners.

I don't believe that swearing at a child achieves anything, except teaches them that it's acceptable for adults to lose their temper in a way a child would get punished for.

Ironically the parent in the OP seems to be the 'my child is an angel, it's all other children who do it' who lets her child roam unsupervised type that people claim to hate, yet she's getting lots of defending!

mrcow

IrishRose12 wrote: »

As for this no swear business people claim on here, all I have to say to that is OK then. You're all the perfect parents and whoopie doo,

Not perfect. Just normal. Thanks all the same.

Carmina-Piranha_2

Why would you 'need' to swear at your child? I just don't get it. And I'm not a perfect parent, and certainly not a snob - I live on a Midlands council estate!

There are better ways to discipline children than swearing, that's all. Maybe if you live somewhere really rough you might think it's normal to swear at children, but for the rest of us it's just not normal or acceptable. The fact that in a school setting you are expected to discipline and use sanctions without swearing suggests that.

Even if you think it's acceptable with older children, surely not 3 year olds? Her poor child is going to start talking thinking that swearing is ordinary speech and be ostracised by his peers, poor soul

Mojisola

IrishRose12 wrote: »

As for this no swear business people claim on here, all I have to say to that is OK then. You're all the perfect parents and whoopie doo, the rest of us normal parents who live in the real world are terrible and should be reported to social services!

I'm not perfect either but I've never sworn at my children. Why would you?

If you can't control yourself, walk away and take a few deep breaths.

We've taught ours not to swear and they've never heard us swear (apart from the occasional expletive when, say, a hammer hits a thumb) but we never swear at a person - the children or anyone else.

poet123

I wonder if this is an Irish thing? Some friends of ours went to a wedding in Ireland last year and she was astounded at the way the f word (although said as f e c k)) was so routinely used. I have been to Ireland a few times though and never encountered it, but she said in the family setting of the wedding it peppered the conversation regardless of who was there.

Georgiegirl256

IrishRose12 wrote: »

Ermm no offence but the nursery can't do anything about it if it happened OUTSIDE the workplace and she was with her own child. And if they did so something about it, then I hope the girl in question tells them where to go!

Yes she was out of order, but who isn't at some time??

Not to be rude but those of us who work in education/childcare sector don't have to be as good as gold every minute of the day. We are allowed to let of steam and we are allowed to live our own lives outside of the job.
As for the girl who was visiting nurseries and saw something she didn't like and cancelled just because she saw a worker, We are also allowed to smoke, drink, we are allowed to curse, and we are allowed to say whatever we want to our own children.

We do have our own lives outside of the workplace, and our actions shouldn't reflect on our workplace. If it was inside school then yes, but in our own, free personal time we can dance up and down the street naked if we wanted to!
Just because this is how this girl behaved to your friend, does not mean that she is like this when she is in work. What most parents need to realise that 98% of the time we have a mask on and are being nice because we HAVE to, not because we want to. Once we cross the doors of that workplace, we can behave and treat our children as we see fit.
I wouldn't speak to the leader of the nursery at all regarding this as it has nothing whatsoever to do with them, had it happened in the setting itself then yes, by all means go and complain, but not when the girl was on her own personal time. We have to be able to live our lives at some stage you know without being told what we can and cannot do!

Wow! You sound like an awesome employee....:cool: