Childcare worker's behaviour outside work?

*SuzySue*

I'll try to keep this simple.

A few weeks ago a group of us were at a softplay place with our children. Another little boy (perhaps aged 2, he was certainly non-verbal) was winding up my friend's 3 year old son by pulling on his clothes. He's quite a timid child and has a younger brother. After a fair bit of tormenting he gently pushed the other child away from him, as he would his little brother. The younger child burst into tears, and his mother flew to him (she had been sitting with her back to him texting/facebooking on her mobile so didn't see what had been happening. She checked her some was okay (he was absolutely fine) before getting herself into my friend's face. She screamed obscenities, which my friend didn't react to, but asked her to calm down and watch her language. She carried on screaming, calling my friend's child "a psycho". For the rest of the play session she sat - with her back to her child - on the phone loudly telling whoever she was talking to all about the incident, calling my friend and her son a series of unsavoury names and swearing very loudly. My friend didn't rise to it, but was obviously upset and shaken by it.

My child and one of the others attend the same nursery. We've just discovered that this women has been moved to our nursery from another. My friend and I, having seen this woman's completely unacceptable behaviour first hand are concerned about this. Are we right to be? I'm on good terms with the nursery manager so could easily have a chat if it was warranted.

Mojisola

*SuzySue* wrote: »

She screamed obscenities, which my friend didn't react to, but asked her to calm down and watch her language. She carried on screaming, calling my friend's child "a psycho".

I wouldn't want someone who behaves like this in public and in front of young children caring for my child.

pollypenny

I would! Sounds like she behaves like a toddler herself!

jackyann

First of all, reflect carefully on the incident. I would write it down (as an exercise for yourself). No need to justify the child who did the pushing - it's what a lot of kids do. Neither would I pay much attention to the fact that the woman wasn't really minding her own child (not ideal, but it happens!)
Be very clear about what words were used, especially about the child.
Having got it clear in your own mind, if it still feels as you have posted it then I would have a word with the nursery manager.

Nursery Nurses & other childcare workers don't have the same professional obligations as some other professions (although there are moves to instate them) so at one level not much can be done. You also don't say (and you may not know) what level of qualification she has (I do hope I never taught her!)
But it is usually my experience that such behaviour is rarely a one-off. The nursery may be taking steps to help her, but they won't be able to tell you that.

I would though, make it clear that you are not complaining about her work (unless / until you have reason to) but that you need to get this off your chest.

Whether you have a word or not, I would definitely keep this between yourself & your friend. Talking about such incidents escalates them and leaves you open to accusations of gossip or bullying.

I hope you are happy with the nursery otherwise.

*SuzySue*

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't want someone who behaves like this in public and in front of young children caring for my child.

That's how I feel, to be honest. But then I can't imagine how stressful it is running around after 2 and 3 year olds all day and just wanting a bit of peace while your own child plays. I'm 60/40 about saying something at the moment.

*SuzySue*

jackyann wrote: »

First of all, reflect carefully on the incident. I would write it down (as an exercise for yourself). No need to justify the child who did the pushing - it's what a lot of kids do. Neither would I pay much attention to the fact that the woman wasn't really minding her own child (not ideal, but it happens!)
Be very clear about what words were used, especially about the child.
Having got it clear in your own mind, if it still feels as you have posted it then I would have a word with the nursery manager.

Nursery Nurses & other childcare workers don't have the same professional obligations as some other professions (although there are moves to instate them) so at one level not much can be done. You also don't say (and you may not know) what level of qualification she has (I do hope I never taught her!)
But it is usually my experience that such behaviour is rarely a one-off. The nursery may be taking steps to help her, but they won't be able to tell you that.

I would though, make it clear that you are not complaining about her work (unless / until you have reason to) but that you need to get this off your chest.

Whether you have a word or not, I would definitely keep this between yourself & your friend. Talking about such incidents escalates them and leaves you open to accusations of gossip or bullying.

I hope you are happy with the nursery otherwise.

I have loved the nursery up to this point, but there seem to have been a lot of staff changes recently with no mention to parents. They do a difficult job very well in the main and my daughter has loved her time there.

When she rushed over to her child my friend was there asking her son what had happened. The nursery worker shouted "get your f'ing psycho kid away from my son". When things had calmed down she stood so close to my friend that their noses were almost touching and said "your f'ing kid's a f'ing psycho. He shouldn't be out. You're obviously a f'ing terrible parent."

Mojisola

*SuzySue* wrote: »

That's how I feel, to be honest. But then I can't imagine how stressful it is running around after 2 and 3 year olds all day and just wanting a bit of peace while your own child plays. I'm 60/40 about saying something at the moment.

I'd be concerned how she'd react when she's under the stress of looking after a roomful of children if she can't manage to look after one without an out-of-proportion outburst.

msb5262

jackyann wrote: »

First of all, reflect carefully on the incident. I would write it down (as an exercise for yourself). No need to justify the child who did the pushing - it's what a lot of kids do. Neither would I pay much attention to the fact that the woman wasn't really minding her own child (not ideal, but it happens!)
Be very clear about what words were used, especially about the child.
Having got it clear in your own mind, if it still feels as you have posted it then I would have a word with the nursery manager.

Nursery Nurses & other childcare workers don't have the same professional obligations as some other professions (although there are moves to instate them) so at one level not much can be done. You also don't say (and you may not know) what level of qualification she has (I do hope I never taught her!)
But it is usually my experience that such behaviour is rarely a one-off. The nursery may be taking steps to help her, but they won't be able to tell you that.

I would though, make it clear that you are not complaining about her work (unless / until you have reason to) but that you need to get this off your chest.

Couldn't agree more with this. It does sound as if she's got a problem with self control and if this is how she behaves as a parent, I wouldn't want to see her working in a childcare setting...please report it to the nursery, and do it via email so you create a paper trail.

pollypenny

Anyone who looks after toddlers needs to be patient and calm. This women is neither.

Furthermore,,she flew off the handle without knowing the facts and used abusive language.

Rosemary7391

Does the OP's child recognise this person? If they do, they might not be very happy about being looked after by someone they were probably scared/upset by. I also wouldn't be confident that I could actually talk sensibly to this person without worrying about a reaction.

jackyann

*SuzySue* wrote: »

I have loved the nursery up to this point, but there seem to have been a lot of staff changes recently with no mention to parents. They do a difficult job very well in the main and my daughter has loved her time there.

When she rushed over to her child my friend was there asking her son what had happened. The nursery worker shouted "get your f'ing psycho kid away from my son". When things had calmed down she stood so close to my friend that their noses were almost touching and said "your f'ing kid's a f'ing psycho. He shouldn't be out. You're obviously a f'ing terrible parent."

Oh dear, I'm surprised she wasn't asked to leave the play area!
I do think that anyone who behaves like this needs some help and is a terrible advertisement for her nursery.
I do wonder if your nursery is struggling to get good staff. I know we ask a lot of not-very-well-paid workers, but this is unacceptable. I champion the right of child care staff to be recognised - and paid as - professionals - and someone like this lets the side down. For instance, a nurse who behaved like this, if reported, would be given some sort of warning.

Obviously you know the subtleties of the situation better than us on the forum. But I would suggest that if you decide to say nothing at present, that you do keep an eye on her. You have recorded the first incident here and can always look it up again!