Husband insisting I work full time 1 April 2014 at 8:04PM in MoneySaving mums 62 replies 19.1K views

NoAngel

Hi all. Just after a bit of advice and I need a bit of a moan!

I'm on maternity leave and my LO is 7 months old. I'm job hunting at the moment as my previous job came to a natural end at the end of a contract. I've been offered a job which is paying 35k (9k more than previous job!!) and there is the option of part time. I spoke to my DH about this as I'd quite like to do 3/4 days to have some extra time with LO. DH earns 17k so I'm the main earner.

He got really funny with me about wanting to go PT, saying that I should want to do FT, why don't I want to earn more money and we will just keep struggling financially. I explained that I didn't want to have LO to just put her in nursery if I don't HAVE to and as this job is so much more money I don't feel that I HAVE to do full time. He's going on about how he supported me through uni and now its my turn to earn the money (I had a part time weekend job, full time summer job and bags of student debt so I feel like I paid my own way!).

Anyone else had this pressure on them? The job is very demanding and its likely that LO would already be in bed before I got home. I do EVERYTHING at home (shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, sorting out LO). I can't realistically imagine that he will suddenly start doing a significant amount of this either. He used to say that as his job is manual he is much more tired than me and therefore more entitled to just relax at home than me, whose job isn't manual labour.

Sorry for the massive rant but am I being unreasonable wanting to do PT to spend more time with my baby? Please be honest x

k3lvc

THis would be a very short conversation in my household (albeit I'm the man). If he expects you to work FT to capitalise on the higher earning potential he should reduce to PT and do ALL the housework/chores etc

Might not tick all your boxes on wanting to spend time with little one but your challenge is to make sure that FT is only FT i.e. 35hrs, not FT+25%

Seanymph

You got educated, were the main breadwinner, carried and produced his child, have taken on the main responsibility for the house........ and now you are saying you'd like something a bit more equitable.

of course he's going to be stroppy - don't you understand? He gets the free ride, you get to carry the load.

He has obviously been able to bully you with weightless arguments (his job is manual? really? You let him get away with that?)......

He obviously anticipates you will cave in again, and continue to keep him in the manner he is accustomed to whilst also taking on the main share of the home duties AND no doubt dropping and picking up littley and taking the day off every time your baby is sick and can't go to childcare.

You have a couple of options - continue to put yourself, and now your child, second. Or, challenge his view of the world, and point out that he had a parent when he was younger, now he is one, and he has to buck up and act like it.

Of COURSE you want to be around your child - and your child will benefit from that in ways money can't buy.

You do far more than your share - you are both parents - he gets to step up too.

Take it part time - you will regret it terribly if you miss out on these wonderful times. Your baby will not be your baby for long - there are many many years to go out full time to work - but not many years to share those special moments with your littley.

In your shoes (mine are all grown up, so I'm MUCH bolshier than you with OH) - in your shoes I'd start with 'I've decided not to go back to work at all, you need to earn more how are you going to do it?' and work back to oh, ok, I'll got in a couple of days a week but you need to be grateful.

Good luck!

Adora-Bell-Dearheart

^^ agree with this!

pleasedelete

If this was the other way round you would get different views.

It would make a lot more sense economically for him to work part time and care for the child. On his salary if he gave up work and did full time childcare you would not be much worse off.

Have you considered that?

Adora-Bell-Dearheart

We'llprob have to do the same
once lucky enough to have a LO as I also earn more, but H has already agreed to be a house daddy!

PlymouthMaid

Seanymph above has covered it as far as I can see. Pro rata of 35K is a great salary anyway and children remember the time they spend having fun with their parents not the cash sloshing around the house. You will be run ragged with a baby, a demanding job and the housework by the sound of it and will need to work part time I think.

Valli

or, of course, he could upskill so that HE could earn more money...

rumncoke

I would definitely go part time. Mine are now grown up but a comment from DD's friend a few years ago was most telling. Both parents F/T good jobs, money no option. Went on 3/4 big hols abroad every year, owned a boat etc. She said she would rather have had her mum or dad around more than being farmed out to relatives/childminders all the time.

Money isn't everything. Enjoy your LO while they are young. They grow up all too quickly.

SavingPennies_2

Even on a 4 day week you will be earning more than him.

.....
and by the way non manual jobs can be very tiring too if you have a job that is busy and stressful so I think that's an excuse to sit and do nothing,.


deleted middle sentence, got mixed up,

duchy

It's worth doing the maths and working out the nett cost between fulltime and part-time. When I crunched the numbers we were actually better off paying less childcare and me working part-time rather than fulltime. I factored in all costs like travelling costs ,lunches etc and offset stuff like batch cooking. In your shoes I'd be offsetting the cost of a cleaner too if he genuinely does nothing around the house.