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Husband insisting I work full time
in MoneySaving mums
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I can confirm this, I've just started making my sandwiches at the start of the week (reduced bread & chicken/ham/turkey etc. was pleasantly surprised by how. Fresh they were!
If I want to add some salad, I put a little piece of grease proof paper I between the two slices of filling, freeze it, then on the day take a little tub of the salad, & add it when I sit down to lunch, obv take the paper out first! X
Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth."
Big big thanks to Niddy, sorely missed from these boards..best cybersupport ever!!
£10 a day for one meal is excessive! chirst spend £50 on the weekly shop for 2 people and yes that does include lunches! and 1-2 hot meals a day!
Good luck x
Current Progress -
Debt - Start date 31/8/22 = £7,252.78
Savings 31/8/22 - £0
plus £1000 EF - £0/£1000 = 0%
Do you slave away for him out of love? Tradition? Culture or Religion?
What is the basis of you doing all the housework?
Why does he complain about money yet cant be bothered to make his own lunches?
Some manual jobs are just that, manual. They do not require brain power.
Some jobs require more brain power than limbs.
Both can be taxing on the physical and mental.
So his 5 day work is an excuse for everything.
Does he even change a nappy? Wake up for the baby?
Feed the baby and let you sleep?
Why do you put up with all this? Do you love this man and wish to change him? Do you maybe believe deep down that you will be alone and no one is out there to love and cherish you so youre trying to keep this man by your side just so you are not lonely in life? You seem to have become a mother to two children.
I've ended up doing everything just out of habit, no other major reason. He just doesn't seem to accept that things need doing and will happily sleep in sheets that haven't been washed for months, use a kitchen with all of the contents piled up waiting to be washed, wait until clothes have run out and then drag back out of the basket... You get my point.
His job does require brain power and creativity and the low income is slightly temporary while the business is building back up. But it's come at a bad time with me being on maternity leave.
He feeds the baby when he gets home and baths and puts her to bed a few times a week which is fair. She hasn't woken (very often) in the night for about 5 months so luckily we don't have that to sort out!
He's maybe not quite as bad as I made out, but I suppose the nature of creating a thread like this means I end up only pointing out his flaws! Things aren't bad enough that we are going to separate or anything and he isn't a bad person and I'm not unhappy but I do wish that he would grow up a bit at times.
We have agreed to part time though and he's been pretty apologetic about his initial reaction. I'm not sure that he fully realised that money will still be tight (we have a few debts to shift and need to save to move house) but he will soon figure it out...!
This post read so familiar, I could have typed it! I used to work a Saturday in an Estate Agents while DH stayed at home to look after DD and of course Saturday was our busiest day, I would come home exhausted to a mess in the lounge, big pile of unwashed dishes in the kitchen. Me working Saturday lasted about a year and then when I went on mat leave to have DD2, I returned to the Estate Agents, but swapped the Saturday to a Friday. DH began to complain that he couldn't "do anything" on a Saturday with having to look after DD. Bearing in mind I was the same in the week staying at home with DD, trying to get to the shops (supermarkets didn't deliver then) with a little one in tow, let alone try and drink a cup of tea while it was still hot!
2nd, to quote the old saying...." Looking back, NOONE wishes they had spent more time at the office" Believe me, my eldest is on the verge of adulthood, don't know how, swear it has only been a few months since she was a babe in arms. Seriously, You do as he wants, going completely against your wishes, the repercussions could be immense, surely he must have known, after deciding he wanted to prove he was a big boy and father a baby, that yes things were going to change, finances were going to alter. It may be an old fashioned view but it is different for mum than dad, it always will be until dad can do those first 9 months. Is there anyone on his side of the family you may be able to recruit to your side? His mum, a sister, his fav aunt? Them telling him what he is expecting is unfair may sink in more than being told by "the little woman", heck there may well be a male relli willing to see your side.
You say you want to do 4 days, unless those 4 days are less than 7.5 hours each on average, then technically you will be working full time, anything over 30 nowadays is transparently full time.
Lastly, do you know any Jones? And if so, are they really that brilliant that they must be kept up with? Grow up Man, ok so you may not be able to get the newest phone, go on exotic holidays, acquire the latest games console.....So what.....you have a iddy biddy, and all that iddy biddy is worried about are the fundamentals of life, and hugs n kisses from mummy and daddy.
Sorry if I have come across sarcastic or nasty towards your partner, but were he my brother he would be getting it a darn sight worse. Oh and my hubby does manual work, and it never stopped him from cooking, cleaning, washing up, hoovering, laundry or any other household job, although he was a little put out recently when the aforementioned daughter and her sister (17 and 13 yo) complained in unison that what he had handed them WAS NOT how mum does Dinosaur islands lolol
I hope you can sort this out so all 3 of you are happy
Sorry for banging on
Hi No Angel,
It seems like you're taking back the things you may have said and making excuses for him for no good reason. You've pointed out his flaws but they are quite major flaws. All you're doing is putting a band aid on the thing when it requires major surgery.
As a grown adult who chose to have a family with you, he has a responsibility to not only himself but to those around him. (You)
Therefore, it is perfectly ok to live disgustingly if it is only affecting him and no one else, meaning if he was living alone.
He probably had his mum or his sisters do everything for him and now expects this all off you too?
It has bothered you to some extent, just wait until you have more kids and you become older and less willing. All this will do is create more problems for you and your family unless you begin to do something about his childish selfish mentality
I say again, you are now the mother of two children.
He probably is as bad as you made him out to be in your first post - most human beings are pretty terrible and we just learn to adapt to each other. So don't feel you need to make him sound better in your subsequent posts. It's unlikely that he'll live up to it.
Hope you get it all sorted out - I'm sure you will. x
rebuilding my life :grinheart
ETA that we won't actually be that much worse off financially, so thanks to those of you who pointed this out. I worked out that FT I would earn an extra £700pm but £450 of this would go on childcare and I would need around £120pm for the extra travel costs.