Husband insisting I work full time

Abbafan1972

duchy wrote: »

It's worth doing the maths and working out the nett cost between fulltime and part-time. When I crunched the numbers we were actually better off paying less childcare and me working part-time rather than fulltime. I factored in all costs like travelling costs ,lunches etc and offset stuff like batch cooking. In your shoes I'd be offsetting the cost of a cleaner too if he genuinely does nothing around the house.

I was going to suggest a cleaner. If he is insisting that you work full time, then you can "insist" that you have a cleaner. Believe me he will soon complain when the house is dirty and he doesn't have a clean shirt to wear, when you've been too tired to do it.

NoAngel

Thank you for the replies. Going part time isn't really an option for him at the moment as its a family business that they're working hard to grow and he is needed 5 days.

I genuinely have to listen to this rubbish about his job being manual and therefore harder than mine. Which is ridiculous as my job is demanding though I do really love it.

I am not exaggerating about the fact that I do everything at home. At the moment I even wake up earlier than him to make his packed lunch and wake him up before seeing to the baby, I know I sound like a pushover but otherwise he takes £10 each day for lunch at work and I was just trying to save some money.

I sort of worked out how much difference me taking one day off would make and it's fairly insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

I'm really annoyed to be honest. He's saying that he's fed up of not having any money and how all of our friends have more money. I've explained that his salary doesn't 'entitle' him to these luxuries. Just because he works hard and is tired does not mean that he is entitled to a new car, bigger house, more disposable income etc.

I'm so fed up. I really think that LO would be much better off having an extra day with me.

Saving pennies- what did you mean in your post? Do you mean maybe he DOES want me to be part time? And that his job is more tiring than mine?

NoAngel

PS the cleaner thing is in theory a good idea but we only have a one bed house (yes I know he has a good point about needing to move soon) and there's not loads of cleaning. But he doesn't even bung a load in the washer or wash the dishes after tea. Or make the tea ever or sort out the baby's food or change her nappy.... A cleaner wouldn't be able to help with all of that!!

SavingPennies_2

NoAngel wrote: »

Thank you for the replies. Going part time isn't really an option for him at the moment as its a family business that they're working hard to grow and he is needed 5 days.


I genuinely have to listen to this rubbish about his job being manual and therefore harder than mine. Which is ridiculous as my job is demanding though I do really love it.


I am not exaggerating about the fact that I do everything at home. At the moment I even wake up earlier than him to make his packed lunch and wake him up before seeing to the baby, I know I sound like a pushover but otherwise he takes £10 each day for lunch at work and I was just trying to save some money.

I sort of worked out how much difference me taking one day off would make and it's fairly insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

I'm really annoyed to be honest. He's saying that he's fed up of not having any money and how all of our friends have more money. I've explained that his salary doesn't 'entitle' him to these luxuries. Just because he works hard and is tired does not mean that he is entitled to a new car, bigger house, more disposable income etc.

I'm so fed up. I really think that LO would be much better off having an extra day with me.

Saving pennies- what did you mean in your post? Do you mean maybe he DOES want me to be part time? And that his job is more tiring than mine?

first question, sorry I got mixed up that's what I get for trying to do two things at one on the laptop. I thought he wanted you to go part time so you could continue to do all the housework, sounds like he wants you to work full time and still do all the housework.

I think you should go part time and you will still be contributing as much financially and even more at home (housework, lunches etc). maybe draw up a budget together, if you have enough to get by, but he wants more fun money, then its up to him to increase his pay imo.

I disagree that non manual jobs are not tiring, some non manual jobs can be stressful and emotionally tiring which can have the same effect on the body, ie you're worn out when you get home even though its not physical. Hope this clears us my post.

Mojisola

NoAngel wrote: »

I am not exaggerating about the fact that I do everything at home. At the moment I even wake up earlier than him to make his packed lunch and wake him up before seeing to the baby, I know I sound like a pushover but otherwise he takes £10 each day for lunch at work and I was just trying to save some money.

NoAngel wrote: »

But he doesn't even bung a load in the washer or wash the dishes after tea. Or make the tea ever or sort out the baby's food or change her nappy....

I can't understand why this sort of issue doesn't get sorted out within the first couple of weeks of living together. You're his life partner - not his Mum or his housekeeper!

Now he's also a Dad and needs to take on his share of the chores that need doing to keep the house and family functioning.

NoAngel

Mojisola wrote: »

I can't understand why this sort of issue doesn't get sorted out within the first couple of weeks of living together. You're his life partner - not his Mum or his housekeeper!

Now he's also a Dad and needs to take on his share of the chores that need doing to keep the house and family functioning.

I don't know. I hate myself for doing it all and I resent that he barely lifts a finger. I have spoken to him about how he is planning to change this especially if I'm going back to work. To be honest I know he will still be saying that his job is harder etc. Apparently I am a clean freak and I want things doing to a ridiculous standard so he might as well not bother. (All not true, I just don't like leaving dirty stuff all over. He doesn't understand why I wash up after each meal- why not wait till we run out of clean stuff?!)

Thanks for clarifying saving pennies!

Indie_Kid

Have you both sat down and done the maths? IE, if you went part time, how much would you save in child care fees?

NoAngel

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Have you both sat down and done the maths? IE, if you went part time, how much would you save in child care fees?

Yes. So I worked out that we will be around £40 per week worse off with me working 4 days (childcare&lunch). Which when the income will still be around £670 per week after deductions doesn't seem that significant to me.

Mojisola

NoAngel wrote: »

but otherwise he takes £10 each day for lunch at work

NoAngel wrote: »

Yes. So I worked out that we will be around £40 per week worse off with me working 4 days (childcare&lunch).

Well if you're too tired or rushed to do his packed lunch when you're working full-time, he'll be spending £50 a week so you'll be worse off going full-time!

NoAngel

Mojisola wrote: »

Well if you're too tired or rushed to do his packed lunch when you're working full-time, he'll be spending £50 a week so you'll be worse off going full-time!

Or maybe that ridiculous situation stops and he either makes his own lunch or uses the money he could be spending on something more exciting. Or maybe he stops eating so much and buys a normal sized lunch?!