Arguing over money!

Abbafan1972

We used to have separate accounts that our wages would go into and I would pay certain direct debits and he would pay others, but it got too complicated. So a few years back we changed his account to joint names and everything gets paid into the one account and all the direct debits and bills get paid from there. We both have a card each, so we can both go to the cashpoint etc. I keep track of it with software on the laptop, so I know where we are.

We have an ISA each and I still have my current account, we save money for Christmas and if we're going away on holiday. Our holiday spending money will be in my current account, which I have a debit card for, so we use that while we're away and the main account doesn't get touched.

OP - If you are earning less, I don't think it's fair that you are paying half of the bills, surely it should be less than that. You should work it out as a percentage. As previous posters have said, what if you decide to stay at home and look after your kids if you have them. Will you still need to "pay him back". that's no way to live.

I have worked part time for a while, as I am the kids' main carer etc, but we don't discuss who earns more etc and I don't have to owe him money!

Tink2

CH27 wrote: »

I'd be pretty piddled off if my OH was buying clothes & shoes when he owed me £2000.
Pay your debts off ASAP.

lee111s wrote: »

You owe him £2000. Pay it. He can spend HIS money on what he likes in the same vein that you seem to do so.

Agree with these, debts and bills come before treats

paulineb_2

How much debt would he have been in if you hadnt moved in when other people were moving out?

Its the fact that you seem to be struggling and you still have this £2000 debt to pay to your OH. You werent responsible for the fact that your employer didnt sort out your pay, surely there has to be some scope for him helping support you through tough times and vice versa?

You had holes in your shoes and this is causing an argument?

You need to get back on an even keel financially first, sit down and tot up exactly what you owe. And surely rather than him saying I paid for this therefore you owe me that, if its stuff like meals out or drinks out, when you are sorted out, you can take him out and pay a number of times.

Id be a bit concerned that someone was keeping tabs of every penny that was spent knowing that youve been struggling due to issues with your pay.

Its not very supportive.

poet123

OP, money should not come between committed partners. He is not a keeper.

Mojisola

Tink2 wrote: »

Agree with these, debts and bills come before treats

But those debts built up because he asked her to move down to share his household costs. If she'd stayed at home, she wouldn't be in debt.

If he was thinking like someone in a life partnership, he could have covered her extra costs until her job was sorted out, etc.

Also, sharing the bills by percentages according to their wages would be fairer than each paying half of their salary.

Going on holiday twice without your girlfriend because she can't afford to pay her way doesn't bode well for a long term relationship.

justme111

poet123 wrote: »

OP, money should not come between committed partners. He is not a keeper.

Could be the case. Or could be that her behavior with money makes him think twice before wanting to keep. Neither of them sounds great from op's words. Well , that's part of learning and adjustment , shame it results in rows in what looks like a first love in their case .

paulineb_2

Mojisola wrote: »

But those debts built up because he asked her to move down to share his household costs. If she'd stayed at home, she wouldn't be in debt.

If he was thinking like someone in a life partnership, he could have covered her extra costs until her job was sorted out, etc.

Also, sharing the bills by percentages according to their wages would be fairer than each paying half of their salary.

Going on holiday twice without your girlfriend because she can't afford to pay her way doesn't bode well for a long term relationship.

No, it doesn't really does it. That's the stuff that resentment is made of.

poet123

justme111 wrote: »

Could be the case. Or could be that her behavior with money makes him think twice before wanting to keep. Neither of them sounds great from op's words. Well , that's part of learning and adjustment , shame it results in rows in what looks like a first love in their case .

I don't see that. Buying a belt and shoes together costing under £20 is hardly profligate. By contrast he can afford two holidays without her, so he is hardly getting by hand to mouth whilst waiting for her to pay her "debts".

I know I am old school, but to me, if you share your life with someone in a committed and long term relationship then finances are shared. Problems are shared. I could never envisage being in a relationship where I was struggling for shoes and my other half was booking two holidays.

Additionally, my OH would have expected to share the costs of having me move to be with him, having me change my life, change my job to be with him, there wouldn't be an account at the end of it. OP you are selling yourself short.

Tink2

Mojisola wrote: »

But those debts built up because he asked her to move down to share his household costs. If she'd stayed at home, she wouldn't be in debt.

If he was thinking like someone in a life partnership, he could have covered her extra costs until her job was sorted out, etc.

Also, sharing the bills by percentages according to their wages would be fairer than each paying half of their salary.

Going on holiday twice without your girlfriend because she can't afford to pay her way doesn't bode well for a long term relationship.

Maybe the opinion I have on this is caused by my own relationship but I will always be in the it should be 50/50 camp

Mojisola

Tink2 wrote: »

Maybe the opinion I have on this is caused by my own relationship but I will always be in the it should be 50/50 camp

What happens when one of the couple is ill, unemployed, staying at home to look after children, etc?