Arguing over money!

balletshoes

you were flatmates when you got into debt with this guy, I think you possibly still are flatmates rather than in a fully committed relationship.

You owe him the money, you agreed you do, and you agreed to repay him.

So sort out a repayment plan with him (don't just pluck a repayment figure out of the sky, do a SOA giving yourself a sensible living budget) and then stick with it until the money is repaid.

BunnieJ

He knew I didn't have the means to help pay for moving, but said he would pay. I wasn't expecting him to write off the debt, but equally I wasn't expecting him to keep tabs on what I'm spending my money on. I think that as a couple we shouldn't be keeping score on what we owe each other. All our bills etc are shared between us.

I'm in the process of applying for better paid jobs as I need more money to live. I only took my current job as a stepping stone for moving to Bristol. As you know, jobs are hard to come by so I had to take what I could get. Yes, it was a gamble at the time, but if I hadn't decided to move we would still be in a LDR now :-(

He currently earns around £500 or so more than me per month. I realise I have been living slightly above my means, but this has mainly been due to unforeseen costs e.g. dentist, new phone etc. I'm currently trying to cut back and have cancelled alot of outgoings (gym, cheaper phone contract and so forth). I'm going to try and include a clothing allowance in my budget for emergencies like worn out shoes needing to be replaced.

Any extra money will go on paying off more of the debt when I can.

Person_one

Look ahead OP, do you see this changing? Do you want to live like this forever? What about if you're ill, unable to work for a long time, on maternity leave etc?

I'm guessing you'd support him if it came to it, and not ask for a penny back, but would he do the same for you?

System

Jeez, he's a good catch (not).

SavingPennies_2

Okay playing devils advocate...I take it from your first post you lived with your parents for 3 years, so I would expect you would have managed to save some money in that time, at least something which would have prevented the problems that arose with your pay. Perhaps that has something to do with his frustration?


I do think after 8 years together as a couple, especially since you made the move to be with him, he should be a bit more lenient about making you pay back all the money from the moving costs.

Paulaviki

Beckyy wrote: »

I totally understand that everybody's relationships are different, especially money wise but I find it a bit odd keeping tabs on how much partners owe each other, especially when it dates back years. It doesn't sound like he feels you're already living like you're married.

OP, if you don't mind sharing how much money do you have left after you've paid your half towards the bills and any other bills/expenses?

I agree. I know everyone deals with joint finances differently but I don't get owing money to each other when you are in a long term relationship.

One of my friends had a boyfriend who insisted they split all the house hold bills down the middle despite the fact he earnt more than double what she did. At the end of the month when she had run out of money he'd just go out without her. Needless to say the relationship didn't last!

lika_86

After a long time in a long distance relationship, he's probably taking a while to get used to the idea that you're living together as a couple, especially if it's the first time that you're living together. It may take a while and a lot of communicating in order to adjust.

Have you ever spoken about your long term future and where you see your relationship going?

If some of the money went towards the deposit, why not agree that he will get the whole deposit back when you move out? Then that part of what you owe him can be 'written off'.

balmk

I had a similar relationship with finances with my OH - the best way to resolve this is to get to a level playing field and work your way from there.

The first thing you need to sort out is this £2k - whether or not it is considered a debt to be repaid, or a joint investment is up to you, but this needs to be cleared up before you can move on.

I earn more than my OH, and we neither of us want to be in a position where we are judging who is paying what or what we are each spending our hard earned £££ on, or relying on the other partner for hand-outs.

We found that the easiest way to deal with the difference in pay was to consider the fact that we are a couple, and ultimately anything that we spend (together or independently) comes out of the same "pot". It therefore made sense to us to list our critical outgoings, such as mortgage, council tax, utilities, groceries, commuting etc... and work our finances in such a way that these commitments would be met by having them paid from a joint account which is funded by a monthly contribution from each of us. The monthly contribution is not equal; he pays a lower contribution, but the net result is that our disposable income is the same.

Anything that he has left after the contribution is made is his to spend how he pleases so if he wants to save or splurge is up to him, and as we both have the same amount of money to play with each month there is no bitterness or resentment.

Hope that helps somewhat. It's a solution which is right for us, but may not work for you; you both need to commit to the concept for it to work.

BunnieJ

I've lived with my parents since I left uni. I had saved up a few thousand pounds as they only asked for a small amount of rent/I had hardly any outgoings. Then I learnt to drive and had to pay car insurance which wiped out most of my savings. I started to regain my savings but then lost my job, so had to use my savings as well as JSA to live off until I found another job. The job I found was part - time so I was unable to save money. Any spare money usually went on petrol/train tickets to visit my OH.

SailorSam

Doesn't sound like the Op has been on a spending spree if she's only spent £20.
If you're a couple i would have thought you'd share more.
What's mine is mine doesn't sound like a long happy future.
What is he going to say if you come home one day and say you're having a baby and are going to be a SAHM, will he share his money when you're not working.