As my name might suggest...

fivetide

That's part of your build up chat. You know how not to behave so my advice extends only as far as "don't be a !!!!" !!!!

I've never had to call someone myself. these guys have a decent reputation if you are in Scotland www.breathingspacescotland.co.uk but there might be others. Your GP should be able to recommend some too.

Confusedandneedhelp

Thanks I'll take a look. I'm in England but maybe there's an equivalent

Tayforth: coping with keeping feelings under wraps. That's been the problem recently any good progress I make is ruined when I start going on about getting back together.

JadedAngel88

@Confusednadneedhelp
If you have to change things about you to fit into a mold that your girlfriend likes, then she's not the one for you. Find someone that accepts you for who you are, what you are warts and all.

Confusedandneedhelp

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

@Confusednadneedhelp
If you have to change things about you to fit into a mold that your girlfriend likes, then she's not the one for you. Find someone that accepts you for who you are, what you are warts and all.

We have 3 kids, that's my priority. But certainly there's things is like to change about myself anyway.

But thank u for replying

PuzzledDave

I think you need to be a little more specific, what about the three children is your priority ?

Access ?
Funding their life requirements ?
Being involved in their lives ?

Since you left, what have you done to support whichever of these items you think are important ? What arrangements have been made ?

dandelionclock30

Dont be pestering her about what you want she will end up really disliking you. Show maturity and thoughtfullness instead. You could go to counselling like relate but actions speak louder than words.
I think though it sounds like shes had enough really and that she doesnt want you. If she does have a change of heart then she knows where you are. In the meantime get on with your own life.

Confusedandneedhelp

PuzzledDave wrote: »

I think you need to be a little more specific, what about the three children is your priority ? To be the best dad I can be, ultimately to be a family again if that's possible.

Access ? Access is ok, we tend to agree and I see them 3 times a week, obviously want more but some times it's more too

Funding their life requirements ? Well yes that's a priority, I'm paying 70 a week, which is all I can afford after bills and rent etc, but I want to give more

Being involved in their lives ? Ofcourse, it's silly things like not going to parents evening because my ex won't go with me. But I'm there taking them to play football, swimming etc

Since you left, what have you done to support whichever of these items you think are important ? What arrangements have been made ? Mostly said above, but the problem is it varies, sometimes we get on and I'm there every evening, others in abit pushy with my feelings and she gets upset and I don't see them for a couple days.

It doesn't help for example Friday just gone she went out whilst I stayed at hers to look after kids. I see her getting ready and looking fantastic and then worrying about what she's upto even though a it's not my business and b she isn't upto anything anyway.

Confusedandneedhelp

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Dont be pestering her about what you want she will end up really disliking you. Show maturity and thoughtfullness instead. You could go to counselling like relate but actions speak louder than words.
I think though it sounds like shes had enough really and that she doesnt want you. If she does have a change of heart then she knows where you are. In the meantime get on with your own life.

Appreciate what ur saying, I know that not all feelings are gone. I know that she does want me, not just an opinion, what family have said. But not the dikhead me but the nice me that I was.

Ur right about pestering though 100%

Edit: what kind if actions though, I know I'll have to figure out my own, but some examples would be great. Clearly proclaiming my live isn't working.

Second edit: in the past relationships I would just get on with my life and happily ignore any ex, but this time that's not possible, we have kids, it's just not possible to not speak / see eachother

marisco_2

When was the last time you two had some quality time together, to really talk openly and listen to each other, without anything or anyone else getting in the way? It comes across to me that you have disconnected over time and are struggling to have faith and belief in each others approaches and motives any more. Once trust is gone it erodes the connection people share with each other, and is replaced by insecurity, anger, resentment and discord.

Good communication really is key to a happy, healthy and strong relationship. Many of the problems you are encountering could be resolved, if you both committed to talking things through calmly and honestly, till you reached agreement on a positive way forward. This would also have a positive affect on your frame of mind and sense of wellbeing and could go a long way to decreasing the level of anger you feel. You could try this by yourselves or with the support and guidance of an organisation such as Relate. I would also recommend seeking professional help in order to address the level of anger that you feel, and learn ways to channel and manage this.

In the meantime don't see every bump in the road as a major crisis. Lighten up and don't always be so serious. Maybe the reason there is so much tension in your relationship is because you both are making it that way. Learn to relax, laugh and enjoy each others company again. I wish you well.

Confusedandneedhelp

marisco wrote: »

When was the last time you two had some quality time together, to really talk openly and listen to each other, without anything or anyone else getting in the way? It comes across to me that you have disconnected over time and are struggling to have faith and belief in each others approaches and motives any more. Once trust is gone it erodes the connection people share with each other, and is replaced by insecurity, anger, resentment and discord.

Good communication really is key to a happy, healthy and strong relationship. Many of the problems you are encountering could be resolved, if you both committed to talking things through calmly and honestly, till you reached agreement on a positive way forward. This would also have a positive affect on your frame of mind and sense of wellbeing and could go a long way to decreasing the level of anger you feel. You could try this by yourselves or with the support and guidance of an organisation such as Relate. I would also recommend seeking professional help in order to address the level of anger that you feel, and learn ways to channel and manage this.

In the meantime don't see every bump in the road as a major crisis. Lighten up and don't always be so serious. Maybe the reason there is so much tension in your relationship is because you both are making it that way. Learn to relax, laugh and enjoy each others company again. I wish you well.

This is what I need, and by the way it's over two years. Sure we've played board games or watched telly, but always with the knowledge that there's three kids in the house.

Thank u for the post