Should a child ask for food or just take it?

Gillyx

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Whilst I appreciate your partner is being inconsiderate eating the last of the bread why not just buy more before you get to the last four slices?

OP I wouldn't expect a 10 year old to have to ask for something to eat. Some things would, obviously, be off limits but he is old enough to know that.

Because then we have loaves left uneaten. I don't eat bread, so it's only those 2 who do, my son has 1 slice a day, sometimes my OH will eat 8 slice over 2 days, and then some times eat none at all (He takes rolls to work) so if I bought more when we were at 4 slices, the new loaf could sit there for 4 days before it was even opened

thehappybutterfly

When it comes to the "good stuff" in our house, i.e. sweets, cakes etc. the policy is "if you're not fast, you're last"! It can sometimes be a bit of a scrammy when there's bars of chocolate in! Oh the arguments we had with the box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts!

"who had the raspberry one?"
"me"
"that means you've had 4!"
"no I didn't. I had 3. A plain one, a toffee one and the raspberry one"
"and the chocolate one!"
"I didn't have a chocolate one!"
" you did! I remember because I took a bite out of it"
"oh did you now?!"

Five minutes later....

"who the hell ate all the doughnuts?!"

jenhug

In our house each child has a treat pot. a measured selection of snacks is available in it and they can eat whats in it whenever they like, but they don't get any more until next fill up day, (it's filled once a week). In addition, the fruit bowl is "free" they don't have to ask. They only have to ask for things like sandwiches etc.

Gleek

I grew up in a house where - for various reasons - there were little to no treats and stuff was locked away so when access was given (or we had our own money) food/sweet things were always involved and we always over bought and gorged. It caused a lot of problems that are still raring their ugly heads now including health and weight.

Now I control (shop and pay for) what comes into the house (my dad sadly died 10 and half years ago and I am mums fulltime carer) I barely eat a thing. In fact I struggle to get an appetite most of the time and I'm starting the slim fast diet on Monday as a way of making sure I do get at least 2 meals a day (even in shake form) because I'm ending up skipping them or just eating something small like nutella and toast or a couple of weetabix.

I think there needs to be trust and some form of asking yes, but extremes cause problems in my experience.

CH27

My 19yr old son always says mum can I have ..... please?
I brought him up to ask & he still does.

RAS

I think it very much depends on the family budget; as a child mine was so skint that we never took food that was not put on our plates unless we had been told that is was a free for all (like when the plums ripened).

Later things were better but not great, so I accepted that if I raided raw carrot sticks I would not get cooked carrots with my meal.

There is no way my family or many others on very low incomes could afford to let children or adults take whatever food was available.

Obviously some families can afford to provide their members with free access to whatever they want to eat, but not all.

And when I visit I would make myself a cup of tea and ask if anyone else wanted one but I always ask my family if I could eat something from the fruit bowl or make a snack.

Counting_Pennies_2

I would be happy for my children to take fruit from a fruit bowl without asking.


Although any other food I would expect them to check first if it is ok.


My DD will graze throughout the day if I let her, so I always have a rule that they can ask, then I can give them an idea of how much longer it is until the next meal, but also to prevent any food I have bought for another meal, being consumed when it is needed.

ska_lover

We always asked as children, as were on a strict budget and was infuriating if one person ate all of the packed lunch stuff for example, as just wasn't the money to replace

When I had my own family, i tried to be more relaxed, but found that mine tended to want to eat several bags of crisps rather than fruit, so told them to start asking going forwards. Just to keep an eye on junk food really

sooty&sweep

Hi
I have fruit bowls in my kitchen and I have no problem with my children helping themselves as and when they fancy and I encourage them to.

I would object to them helping themselves to cakes, biscuits, crisps etc because I limit the amount of such things.

Jen

jackyann

I haven't read all of the posts, but it seems to me (as do many of the questions here) that there isn't a right or wrong - posters have eloquently put the reasons for different family rules.
Sit down together as a family and make some rules. Of course it depends on budget, how meal times are organised and other family rules about meals & nutrition; but talk about them together, make them together, and if need be, decide on what penalties there are!

And Gleek - if you haven't already, do contact your local Carers' Association & see if they can offer some help around support & respite.