Should a child ask for food or just take it?

arbroath_lass

Gillyx wrote: »

Because then we have loaves left uneaten. I don't eat bread, so it's only those 2 who do, my son has 1 slice a day, sometimes my OH will eat 8 slice over 2 days, and then some times eat none at all (He takes rolls to work) so if I bought more when we were at 4 slices, the new loaf could sit there for 4 days before it was even opened

How about "hiding" a couple of slices in the freezer then for mornings like that? If it is for toast it will be fine.

DaveTheMus

MidLifeCrisis wrote: »

OH and I had a little debate about this last night and still aren't sure what the protocol is. I was brought up in a house where as a child if I wanted something to eat then I had to ask for it before helping myself as it was good manners. OH thinks it was similar in his house, but neither of us can remember until what age this was the rule.

Anyway a few days ago DS was eating an apple he'd taken from the fruit bowl after school, so I said I don't mind you having it, but I wish you'd ask first in case I was keeping it for something. The following night he did the same thing and again I said I didn't mind, but I'd prefer if you ask first. Then yesterday he says he had an apple at school, I thought he meant a leftover from the free fruit scheme, but he casually says that he took it in from home.

Now don't get me wrong we're fully aware he's a growing boy and obviously it's not a big deal as it's just fruit and not right on dinner time, but I just wondered what other people do? He is 10, so should he be asking for food out of courtesy or should he just be able to take things when he's feeling hungry? I always offer a snack after school of fruit, crackers, a couple of biscuits, etc anyway, but on the other hand I would be cross if he greedily helped himself to things like biscuits, crisps or chocolate bars without a thought of what his fair share is.

Interested to hear others opinions.

MLC

You should be doing everything you can to encourage your son to eat as much fruit and veg as possible, not making him feel like a guest in his own home.

Bella73

dzug1 wrote: »

Would you expect your OH to ask or 'only' a child?


I would expect children to learn by example, not by being told. If the adults in the family can help themselves then so can the kids. If the adults ask, then so should the kids.


And once they can write add it to the shopping list if it's running out.

Difference being the adults pay for the food and the child does not. Yes life is so unfair but then the child doesn't have to pay the bills or anything either, maybe they should to make sure everything is fair.

There is nothing wrong with telling a child they need to ask before taking food, you are teaching them that not everything in life can just be taken on a whim, very few children who live in houses where fruit and treats are available are actually starving, even though they say they are and it won't kill them to wait an extra couple of minutes to ask.

As for growing up, our parents simply did not buy crisps etc, there were home made cakes that you would have to ask to have and squash to drink as again pop as it was called back then was only bought for birthdays and Christmas not everyday like it is now. Child of the 70's/80's. :rotfl:

MidLifeCrisis_3

Thanks for all your ideas. I had a strict upbringing and can see that it was not necessarily always the right way.

During our initial debate OH and I raised the point that it is his home too and so we both felt he should be able to access food without necessarily asking - after all if we fancy a biscuit with a cuppa we just go and get one.

He'd always asked before without any prompting so it had never been something we had thought about. The only thing we have found is if you let him loose with certain foodstuffs eg a pot of hummus and carrot sticks, toast, a family pack of crisps/biscuits, etc he's been know to scoff them without considering that others might like some too, so our main concern was how to best go about it. We want to treat him like a grown up, but needed to think around what would happen if we gave him free reign, especially as he becomes a teenager. He is an active growing boy and has bigger meal portions than OH as it is now, and often will have seconds or bread after his meal before pudding. Also, as I said before he has never been denied food, unless dinner is nearly on the table or sometimes he has been pointed in the direction of a lighter or healthier option (fruit, breadsticks, raisins, etc) if close to a mealtime.

We do have to budget so there is only a certain amount to spend on food. I stopped buying fruit for the fruit bowl other than for packed lunches some time ago as I found it wasn't being eaten up and we all got very fed up with apple/banana flapjacks/cakes. The fruit bowl is always stocked with apples, oranges, bananas and often kiwis, grapes, etc for packed lunches and then there are often things like berries, melon or pineapple in the fridge that can be had for packed lunches, puddings or after school snacks too.

I don't need to give him any encouragement to eat fruit and veg as he willingly requests it and eats plenty of it for snacks and at mealtimes too so not at all worried about that. As I said before, some have missed the point it wasn't about being controlling or an apple at all and we certainly don't treat him like a guest/visitor or run a dictatorship or boarding school, it's more the case that our son is growing up and we need to grow with him.

jackyann

What a lovely post, MidLife. You are absolutely right to say that your son is growing & you need to grow with him, and thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I believe in talking about the rules we make so our kids can understand them. It gives them tools to cope with difficult decisions as they get older.
I also believe in explaining finances (of course there are some parts of finance that are adult decisions and adult problems) again, it givs kids useful lessons in life.

Buzzybee90

As a child, I would always ask. As a teen I would probably still ask if it was something other than fruit. I would never just go in the fridge and take something, at the end of day it was my parents who had worked hard to buy it. I must admit I did occasionally steal a square of cooking chocolate though... Shhh...

System

When I was a kid we asked before we took stuff. Not cos my mum had stuff for pack ups and the like (they were in a separate cupboard we couldn't reach) but just as a general courtesy. Fruit was always freely avalible though but if we wanted other snacks we had to ask. Not sure how long it lasted, probably until my teens.

That said I'm 27 now and if I ever go home I still find myself asking I think old habits are hard to break!

Mojisola

MidLifeCrisis wrote: »

The only thing we have found is if you let him loose with certain foodstuffs eg a pot of hummus and carrot sticks, toast, a family pack of crisps/biscuits, etc he's been know to scoff them without considering that others might like some too

Then it's not really a food/eating issue; it's about thinking of other people - it wouldn't matter if it was the last of the biscuits or the last toilet roll!

GwylimT

Our son never had to ask, if he was hungry he could eat, just as if he was thirsty he could drink. Our daughter has to ask, but only because she has coeliacs disease and she isn't old enough to know what is safe and what isn't safe, when she is, she will no longer have to ask.

I mean come on, its not like they're going to take some mince out the fridge and make a lasagne are they, is your child having a snack and so depriving a meal of a tiny bit of food because you don't want to buy more really such a hardship. If I had only eaten with my parents permission I would have spend 18 years being bloody starving, they didn't believe in snacking, they only believed in food at meal times, yet they stuffed their faces between meals.

Horace

I used to ask my parents if I could have some fruit from the fruitbowl until mum told me that the fruit was there to be eaten and that I should help myself if I wanted to eat as it was better to eat fruit than chocolate. I would help myself to drinks too and if I put the kettle on to make a cup of tea then I had to make tea for everybody else.

If I wanted a cake or a biscuit then I would have to ask. Now I have grown up, I still ask when I am visiting my parents.