Should a child ask for food or just take it?

valk_scot

barbarawright wrote: »

There was once a thread from a woman who expected her children to buy between-meals food out of their pocket money. As long as nobody is doing that, I don't think anyone has a problem

I expect my kids to buy their sweets, fizzy drinks and crisps out their pocket money. I only buy that sort of thing as a treat, or for packed lunches, I don't buy it as standard snacky food. I find them having to pay for their extras out of their (fairly generous) pocket money makes them think twice as to whether they actually want these things rather than just eating them because they're there.


As to whether they ask for food or not there are two categories of food here. First category is things like fruit, cereal, bread and basic spreads like jam or peanut butter, milk and fruit juice. They can take any of this without having to ask.


Second category is just about everything else.. cake, biscuits, ingredient food like ham, cheese or chicken in the fridge, leftovers, tinned, packet and frozen food. I like to keep track of these foods so I don't get caught out when making up packed lunches or meals and find I'm short of something essential. If they ask for the above I'll make a decision on a case by case basis. And yes, that goes for OH too! I got fed up going into the fridge and finding he'd eaten the main ingredients for dinner. After serving up baked potatoes and beans for dinner three times in the same week my kids made sure he got the point of Ask First.

FatVonD

We have two fridges, one contains things that are earmarked for meals so is out of bounds, the other is free reign and contains snack-type things like sandwich fillings/houmous and pitta bread etc.

Mojisola

jackyann wrote: »

I haven't read all of the posts, but it seems to me (as do many of the questions here) that there isn't a right or wrong - posters have eloquently put the reasons for different family rules.

Sit down together as a family and make some rules. Of course it depends on budget, how meal times are organised and other family rules about meals & nutrition; but talk about them together, make them together, and if need be, decide on what penalties there are!

This^

It's a bit like all the different ways couples/families organise their finances.

You have to work out what works for you.

anotheruser

I'm clearly in the minority here but why are so many people saying:

"I have no idea why you want to be controlling"

or the like.

The answers are all in the OP's post or the ones following and are simple:

> Teaching manners
> If the apple was to be used to make an Apple Pie, now it can't.
> To simply monitor what the child is eating?

While I understand the controlling point, it's not as bad as people are making out. More to the issue is that the child took the apple twice after being instructed to ask next time, thus not following instructions from the parent. Maybe next time the parent says "watch out for that car!", the child simply won't listen, get run over and die.

Children need to know who is boss - no wonder parents have little respect from their own children these days...

CruisingSaver

My DD14 doesn't have to ask as she's as skinny as anything and anything she eats is burned off by the hours of dancing she does per week.


I'm more concerned with her not putting enough weight on TBH.

moomoomama27

Yes my children have to ask if they want to eat between meals, but they are never denied unless it's very close to a meal time. The fruit bowl, however is a free for all and is topped up when it gets low!! I was raised this way, and I just think it's good manners!!!

rach_k

I wouldn't ask the kids if I could have a piece of fruit or other food that wasn't reserved for a particular meal so I won't expect them to ask either. It's about respect and that works both ways - yes they're younger than me but we're all human! They're a bit young now to help themselves to most things but they know they can always help themselves from the fruit bowl and sometimes they will get some dry cereal to munch on.

When they're older, if it's something that could be part of a meal e.g. a piece of chicken from the fridge, I will expect them to ask if it's for a particular meal because I meal plan, or they can check the list on the whiteboard. Things like crisps, biscuits, fruit, yoghurts etc will be a free for all but once they're gone they're gone, I will only buy what we can afford, obviously!

zaksmum

My kids are grown up now but always asked if they wanted anything in the way of food, fruit etc.

It was never refused, unless it was sweets or whatever and they'd already had more than enough.

And now when the grandkids are here their parents always insist they ask and don't just help themselves.

It's just good manners really.

Georgiegirl256

Smi1er wrote: »

Are you for !!!!ing real?


Look at your last word. Home. It's a home, not a !!!!ing boarding school. He needs to feel relaxed.


What the !!!! were you keeping the apple for? In case you wanted it the day after tomorrow? I would certainly want my children to feel totally relaxed in their home.


In our home if you're hungry then help yourselves but remember breakfast/lunch/dinnertimes.

Got to say, I totally agree with this post....minus the swearing!

Like I said in my other post, I never had to ask permission. It was my home too, and so no need to ask if I wanted a snack, I could just help myself, respecting mealtimes of course. It was the same at my grandparents who just lived up the road, and who's house I often popped into after school.

For those saying that children should ask because it helps build manners and respect, I agree that it applies in other people's houses, but in your own? My parents brought me up to have good manners, I always had (and still do have) a healthy respect for my elders, and I always say please and thank you. So IMO, I don't really buy the 'a child should ask so they learn good manners', because surely they'll be taught those anyhow.

I guess different families have different rules, and you have got to do what's right for you and yours.

GobbledyGook

Mine have a treat box each that gets filled weekly. They can eat from it whenever they like, but know it doesn't get filled until Sunday. It saves all the debates about who had all of X flavour and also stops 2 having a treat at a particular time just because they've seen/heard the third asking/getting one.

The fruit bowl is a free for all, except for youngest. He has to ask because a) he's still little and hasn't yet connected then 8 oranges he ate in a row (OH thought he was in 1 room with me, I thought he was in other with OH....) with the upset stomach he had later that night and b) he can't reach the worktop in our new house.

We also have a tub of chopped veg in the fridge (carrot, peppers & cucumber mainly) that is a free for all. Mainly because DD2 prefers veg to fruit.


I wouldn't expect a 10 year old to have to ask for fruit unless there is a big issue with them eating right before dinner and spoiling their meal. What I do expect of mine is that they let me know if they take the second last of anything so I know to buy more.