Should a child ask for food or just take it?

jellyhead

notechno wrote: »

I'm wondering what you could be needing an apple for, over and above a child having it to eat? I hate issues around food, I'm not referring to you personally OP but some people do seem to see it as an area where they can exercise a lot of control over others

Maybe for packed lunch the following day? Perhaps packed lunch for a parent the following day.

I'd like for my children to ask before taking the last one of anything, but if there's a few apples, etc. then they are free to take one.

GobbledyGook

Eating all the food - like the victoria sponge issue - isn't a food thing, that's a basic manners thing.

I don't keep the fruit for lunches or for baking in the fruit bowl. OP perhaps that might help? So if it's on show it's fair game, but if not it's because it's to be used for something?

My OH never touches anything on the top shelf of the fridge so that's where I put things like cheese bought specially to make macaroni, cold meat for a lunch during the week etc. I don't see why that wouldn't work for an older child just as well.

MidLifeCrisis_3

GwylimT wrote: »

Our son never had to ask, if he was hungry he could eat, just as if he was thirsty he could drink. Our daughter has to ask, but only because she has coeliacs disease and she isn't old enough to know what is safe and what isn't safe, when she is, she will no longer have to ask.

I mean come on, its not like they're going to take some mince out the fridge and make a lasagne are they, is your child having a snack and so depriving a meal of a tiny bit of food because you don't want to buy more really such a hardship. If I had only eaten with my parents permission I would have spend 18 years being bloody starving, they didn't believe in snacking, they only believed in food at meal times, yet they stuffed their faces between meals.

Crikey if you'd read my previous posts then maybe you would understand the situation better and if he took mince I'd be more than impressed with a 10yo that had made a lasagne that could be served to everyone!!

To recap I said before it was never about an apple, he has never been deprived of food, he has never gone hungry and never will. Before you judge please appreciate some families do suffer hardship and have to run a strict budget so if one person scoffs the treats or apples without regard then others have to go without until shopping day. If you don't have to live like that then lucky you!!

I also explained why I no longer keep an overstocked fruit bowl and that he'd always asked before so we had never considered things would change. I really don't see the harm in children having good manners and saying please, but wanted to to know how other people did things in their house as their children grew up, as we'd hate for him to become resentful or have food issues. We would also be horrified as he gets older if he felt he had to phone to ask before he made his lunch or wanted a snack, etc.

At the moment we do keep certain things on higher shelves, but there's always going to be a point when he will help himself to things by getting a chair or clambering on the worktop. They already do this with the cereal as it's the only place it will fit in my cupboards. We want him to learn self control and moderation, so we like the everything on show is fair game thinking and anything else pretty much just needs a "please".

PolishBigSpender

The child is a member of the family, not a guest. Why would he have to ask for food? That's pretty horrible...
I never had to ask when I lived with my parents, and now when I visit them with my husband we are also treated like family, not guests - we are welcome to help ourselves to anything we want.

BitterAndTwisted

When we were kids we were allowed to help ourselves to anything which was in plain view and were not allowed to help ourselves to stuff put away in the cupboards or the fridge without permission. BUT it was a hanging offence to take the last of anything without asking if someone else wanted it. A slice of cake could be hanging around for days on end but the very moment it had been eaten was the moment my Dad decided that he'd wanted it after all.

~Chameleon~

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

When we were kids we were allowed to help ourselves to anything which was in plain view and were not allowed to help ourselves to stuff put away in the cupboards or the fridge without permission. BUT it was a hanging offence to take the last of anything without asking if someone else wanted it. A slice of cake could be hanging around for days on end but the very moment it had been eaten was the moment my Dad decided that he'd wanted it after all.

Why should someone else be more entitled to take the last piece than the person actually wanting it? I can understand it being only proper and right to inform people you've taken the last piece so it can be replenished or go on the shopping list, but to actually offer it to someone else?

BitterAndTwisted

I can't answer that as I wasn't the one making the rules! I just had to abide by them. If there was ever only one of something left we were expected to either offer it up to the others or share it between us.

jellyhead

Hmmm, sharing I can understand, but if you're the one who wants the last apply why should you offer it around? lol

We had to ask before taking the last of something in case it was needed for the next morning.

It's a bit of a trek to a supermarket during the night if something is needed for the morning, and I don't shop daily. I need to be able to expect the bread, milk etc. to last, or for the teenager who finishes it off to get off their backside and go to the supermarket to replace it

Indie_Kid

We had to ask when we were younger.

We don't have to ask so much now. I have asked a few times to be told "you can have anything that's in the bottom drawer". If there is something I'm not allowed, it's either marked or put on the top shelf of the fridge, which I can't quite reach.

There is a box of stuff for dad's lunch box in another cupboard. If I am so desparate for something out of there, (ie, all my cereal bars have gone) I have to ask. He usually responds with "bless you child". :rotfl:

Happygreen

I actually do mind if my OH starts "grazing" before dinner, sometimes whilst I am cooking. He doesn't understand why it offends me. He also eats stuff whilst grazing that was bought because others like it and they then get upset. I think he could at least ask - I blame these differences on us having been brought up differently. In that respect the kids have better manners I do also like to be asked because I do the shopping and food planning, so if Digestive biscuits have disappered and I want to make a cheesecake I get very cross indeed! The rule "ask whoever pays the bill" should aply to food also, not just to phone bills...