Should a child ask for food or just take it?

preciousillusions

I don't think he should have to ask for an apple.

Have to say, as someone that has suffered from eating disorders for the whole of my adult life, this labelling of food as 'good' and 'bad' that some people adopt can really be quite damaging.

Georgiegirl256

Happygreen wrote: »

I actually do mind if my OH starts "grazing" before dinner, sometimes whilst I am cooking. He doesn't understand why it offends me. He also eats stuff whilst grazing that was bought because others like it and they then get upset. I think he could at least ask - I blame these differences on us having been brought up differently. In that respect the kids have better manners I do also like to be asked because I do the shopping and food planning, so if Digestive biscuits have disappered and I want to make a cheesecake I get very cross indeed! The rule "ask whoever pays the bill" should aply to food also, not just to phone bills...

Am I reading that right, you expect your OH to ask before he has a snack? I don't personally think it has anything to do with manners, just (as you say), he was brought up differently to what you were. If his manners are good in other aspects of his life, then I find that very weird that you have a problem with a grown man helping himself to a snack! I can understand with children, but an adult? I can just imagine the response I'd get off my DH if I told him he couldn't have a snack when he wanted it, and vice versa. As long as he still eats what you cook then I can't see a problem personally.

If you have something earmarked for say making a cheesecake, then maybe you should perhaps put it to one side, or tell your OH that's what you are planning on doing?

kerri_gt

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Am I reading that right, you expect your OH to ask before he has a snack? I don't personally think it has anything to do with manners, just (as you say), he was brought up differently to what you were. If his manners are good in other aspects of his life, then I find that very weird that you have a problem with a grown man helping himself to a snack! I can understand with children, but an adult? I can just imagine the response I'd get off my DH if I told him he couldn't have a snack when he wanted it, and vice versa. As long as he still eats what you cook then I can't see a problem personally.

If you have something earmarked for say making a cheesecake, then maybe you should perhaps put it to one side, or tell your OH that's what you are planning on doing?

I also happen to think it's bad manners for someone to be cooking away in the kitchen only to be told 'oh I'm not really hungry now' because that person had been snacking. I agree, that as long as that person does eat what is cooked, it's not really a problem but it is irritating. OH knows choc on my baking shelf is off limits unless I say otherwise.

valk_scot

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Am I reading that right, you expect your OH to ask before he has a snack? I don't personally think it has anything to do with manners, just (as you say), he was brought up differently to what you were. If his manners are good in other aspects of his life, then I find that very weird that you have a problem with a grown man helping himself to a snack! I can understand with children, but an adult? I can just imagine the response I'd get off my DH if I told him he couldn't have a snack when he wanted it, and vice versa. As long as he still eats what you cook then I can't see a problem personally.

If you have something earmarked for say making a cheesecake, then maybe you should perhaps put it to one side, or tell your OH that's what you are planning on doing?

My OH checks with me (rather than asks permission) before he goes and helps himself to snacks. There's a set amount in the budget for food and I do all the shopping and cooking, he can't just go in and help himself willy nilly to anything in the fridge because that might be needed for the meal next day. So he comes and says "Can I finish that ham in a sandwich?" for example and I'll say yes, help yourself or no, sorry, it's for the kids' pack ups tomorrow but I bought some of that cheese you like. It's just an organisational thing, I'm not going to tell him he can't have a snack at all. I'm not going to start hiding food from him or sticking post it notes on everything and he certainly wouldn't remember me showing him a menu plan three days previously.


And no-one comes into the kitchen while I'm cooking and starts making snacks or other meals over the top of where I'm working. That's just annoying, they can wait till I'm finished rather than get in my way. If they were that desperate to eat then they should have rolled up their sleeves and started make dinner early rather than coming in and just making food for themselves. Are there really families where both kids and adults wander in and out at all hours of day and night eating anything they fancy out of fridge and cupboards with no thought for anyone else?

moomoomama27

valk_scot wrote: »

Are there really families where both kids and adults wander in and out at all hours of day and night eating anything they fancy out of fridge and cupboards with no thought for anyone else?

Our household operates the same as you. We have a set food budget, and I buy snacks to last!!

I am seriously quite shocked at the go in and take whatever, whenever, no wonder alot of people are overweight if they can demolish snacks all in one go without restrictions!

Of course things like a fruit bowl wouldn't be classed as the same, as long as people weren't being greedy! But then I think as I was bought up to ask permission, it's something I've instilled in the children, and Hubby was bought up the same! Thankfully mine are content with 3 decent meals and a fruit snack before lunch, and a treat after tea (normally homemade cake that they help with!)

MidLifeCrisis_3

Most of us bring up our babies to say "ta" when offering them toys/food to take from us, then as they get older this naturally moves onto "please" and "thank you".

My children were raised this way and this is why we were always used to a simple "please can I have" before they helped themselves. Sometimes they'll request biscuits another time a piece of fruit.

Their school has a healthy eating policy so they take a piece of fruit for break time and have another piece of fruit and some salad, along with sandwiches and yogurt, meaning they have at least 3 of their 5 a day while at school, and they have a good understanding of what is a healthy option or not. They are then offered an after school snack and they will have a look and say "please can we have an apple/some biscuits/HM cake" or whatever. Their request has only ever been denied if it's meant for something in particular and they'll choose a different option instead. They also tend to stick to the 3 good meals and 2 snacks thing, but sometimes when I'm preparing dinner they might claim to be hungry again eg if I'm slicing carrots for instance, they will ask for some and I'll give them a stick or 2 or if dinner's going to be a while I might suggest a couple of breadsticks, etc. They also get at least 2 veggies with their dinner so are hitting their 5 a day.

There is also always cake, crisps and choc bars available in the cupboard, but the school policy means these aren't allowed in lunch boxes, so they will sometimes have cake/a kitkat for pudding. They only tend to bother with crisps at weekends, with a sandwich rather than ask for them as a snack at the moment, but I know all these things are likely to change as they turn into teenagers.

lee111s

I never had to ask for food in my house. I don't get the whole seeking permission to eat food that was bought?

The only time I would understand is that if a child was taking the mick and started putting excess weight on, otherwise allow them to make their own choices and decisions on what to eat when. I never ask even at my Nana's when I go over, it's just how it always has been in our family.

quidsy

I am seriously quite shocked at the go in and take whatever, whenever, no wonder alot of people are overweight if they can demolish snacks all in one go without restrictions!

You must live a very sheltered life if you are "serously shocked!!"

I like how some people automatically make the ridiculous mental jump that not having to ask for food = eating everything in sight & gaining weight.

It is possible for people, kids included, to know not to eat 10 packets of something just becuase they can.

Georgiegirl256

moomoomama27 wrote: »

I am seriously quite shocked at the go in and take whatever, whenever, no wonder alot of people are overweight if they can demolish snacks all in one go without restrictions!

!)

Because most people can automatically restrict themselves with food, and know not to stuff their faces. They know when to stop with the snacking....I don't think many people at all would 'demolish snacks all in one go' :eek: Some might I guess, but very few and far between because most people know not to make a glutton of themselves. If they were that way inclined, then I'm sure they'd sneak in for a snack anyhow.

I never had to ask when growing up in my own house or my grandparents, and I was skinny as a rake, a combination of genetics and plenty of exercise.

Does your asking permission extend to the adults in your family too?

As valk_scot mentions, if you're not sure if something is available to eat then it's only polite to check....but to ask for permission?

quidsy

My 7 yo ds knows when he is hungry & when he is full. Some days he doesn't even touch the snack box, some days he is grazes. His body is in a constant state of growth, some days he needs more than others.

As he gets older I'm sure we will need to talk about fridge & cupboard content, as in,if it looks like it can make a dinner, ask first. But general snack, fruit, crisps, crackers, bread etc, he has free reign in between meal times.