Should a child ask for food or just take it?

quidsy

Lots of people are talking about manners, which fair enough apply when in someone elses house but if they are supposed to be in their HOME then shouldn't they feel confident enough to be able to eat when they want.

IMO having food on display is an invitation to eat it. if it is for special or not for general consumtion/treat time, then put it out of their way.

Newly_retired

Fruit in the fruit bowl is surely for taking, but until maybe the age of 10 I would expect children to ask. Other snacks could be left available if you like.
When mine were teenagers they had to ask for anything else. If they were to make their own meal, we talked in advance about what was available to choose from.
I think the only problem that arose was when they helped themselves to cheese for a sandwich, which I needed for cauliflower cheese the next day. This led to a conversation, which resulted in sensible cooperation. I did discover that they sometimes bought extras eg junk snacks and fizzy drinks which were not the sort of things I was prepared to provide, for health reasons.

MidLifeCrisis_3

I think I have been a little misunderstood by some. I am not precious over apples or anything else. The fact it was an apple or fruit at all is completely irrelevant, I was just surprised he'd taken food without asking because normally he would say "is it alright to have..." The answer is usually yes, depending on what it is and whether it's near a meal time as we wouldn't ever deny hungry kids an appropriate snack.

I budget, which means menu planning and planning packed lunches. Sometimes I'll buy something in for a particular occasion or bake cakes for school, etc so if they start helping themselves to whatever they like whenever they like it's going to become a problem. I only said I'd prefer he ask and mentioned what if I'd needed it for something as I was trying to educate him that sometimes things are bought for a reason. Maybe that wasn't the best way to explain it on that particular occasion and I should have said because it's good manners and polite. OH drives me nuts when he does stuff like scoffing the pack of oreos I've bought specially for brownies even when I've told him they're for pudding and blames it on manesia!

Maybe he is pushing the boundaries, but he did it openly so I want to deal with it in a healthy, positive way so he doesn't go up against us and feel he has to sneak food behind our backs which is why I wondered what other people do as I have been brought up to always ask.

My kids are healthy, slim and have diets that include plenty of fruit, but they don't go without treats either. They get to choose their own sandwich fillings, fruit, snacks, etc for their packed lunch within the confines of the school healthy eating policy and have input into family meals. We live by the everything in moderation for food so nothing is banned and fortunately they love their fruit, veg and salad stuffs.

They make their own breakfast in the morning (oh yes how we enjoy the rice crispie carpet too!) and have been taught to know their limits eg only put 2 weetabix in the bowl, then if they can eat another or another (max 4) they can have them after the first bowlful rather than leaving a stodgy brown mess to be thrown out because they got fuller than they thought they would. Sometimes they'll eat 4 weetabix and then have 2 slices of toast on top! They also help themselves to drinks, mostly they prefer water or milk, they don't like fizzy pop and we have also explained how too much fruit juice or squash in a day isn't necessarily a good thing so they moderate that themselves too.

I have friends who would put the kettle on at mine or vice versa, but I'd never even help myself to their biscuit barrel without being offered. At my mums I still ask if I want a biscuit or a sandwich, toast, etc. I also was brought up to take no more than 2 biscuits and still do the same to this day. In fact once I got a right telling off afterwards by my mum for asking for a glass of water at my elderly aunts house, but in all fairness I did know I would get a glass of squash instead...

flea72

My children do not have to ask for food, but things in the fridge such as cheese or cold meat, they just have to double check, its not been allocated for something else.

However we do have rules on what is allowed snackwise in a day. So no more than one packet of crisps, or sweet stuff (ie cake, choc bisc). Fruit is also limited as its so expensive i cant afford for them to have more than 2 helpings. Toast and cereal are unlimited. But my children are expected to self police. Even my 6yr old knows what foods are allowed at which point in the day and quite often tells grandma off when she tries to ply her with a packet of crisps after school, as its an easy snack (as shes already had her allowance at school)

Im surprised that you are needing to ask what age children should start/stop asking for food, i would have thought it was instilled from birth?

3wisemonks

quidsy wrote: »

Lots of people are talking about manners, which fair enough apply when in someone elses house but if they are supposed to be in their HOME then shouldn't they feel confident enough to be able to eat when they want.

IMO having food on display is an invitation to eat it. if it is for special or not for general consumtion/treat time, then put it out of their way.

What about not on display? Sometimes my children may want a yogurt, cheese, cucumber, tomatoes or some pepper. Do you separate all these in the fridge into what they can and can't have rather than them just saying 'mum can I have the red pepper?'

Everyone does thing differently but I believe the op is not wrong in expecting to be asked first.

MidLifeCrisis_3

Oh and here we go with the "is this for real brigade", but should I be surprised?

Thank you to all the genuine posters who have shared their useful opinions that I can take on board. I am getting really fed up with reading posts on various threads slating people and picking bits out of their posts and pulling them apart and making people feel like they have to explain myself. Like them I wonder why I bother!

My kids have a loving home with parents who care about them deeply and are being raised to show good manners and respect for others and their beliefs. Shame that obviously you didn't have this same upbringing or is it just the anonymity that makes it easy to bully people.

Woolwich_Kim

My friend's daughter asks before taking anything, even a glass of water.

I think it does show manners and consideration but I think with basic things, kids (or any member of family household) should just be allowed to take such as a drink or an apple unless it was the last one or if they wanted more than one.

What if the kid had to look for the parent first (could be in bathroom, loo, garden shed etc), it is just easier for child to just take it.

thehappybutterfly

All food in our house is for eating. If anything is specifically bought for any one person, you hide it! When our kids were younger the only time they had to ask for food was before teatime. If it was too close, I would say no so they would eat their tea.

quidsy

Yes, anything in the fridge needs permission but the op was specifically talking about an apple from the bowl. This is why we have a snack bowl & a fruit bowl, anything in the bowl is free to have as a snack & as long as I am doing my job in feeding my kid regular meals then he has no reason to be stuck in the fridge or cupboard.

tea_lover

I feel incredibly comfortable in my parents' house (still think of it as home, despite leaving at 18, I'm now 35). But I would still ask before getting myself a drink/snack. It's just polite. I'd be amazed if they ever said no! For me it's not just about taking something, but getting things for other people too. I'd never make a drink or get something to eat without offering everyone else the same - in my house or anyone elses.