Should a child ask for food or just take it?

Domayne

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I'd find that incredibly bad manners and it would drive me mad!!

HBS x

Really? I find it great that she feels comfortable enough to do that. And also that she doesn't ask me to do it for her
but then I also have friends that I've been friends with for years and they still ask 'can I have a glass of water'
Maybe I just have no manners? I mean with people that I hardly know or strangers of course I would ask and say please/thank you...but with family and really good friends I find it a strange concept that they would need permission for these things?

onlyroz

I expect my kids to ask before they take something, but they're only 8 and 5, and the thought of "spoiling their dinner" wouldn't occur to them.

I also think there's a difference between taking something from an easily accessible fruit bowl and routing through cupboards and high shelves for crisps and biscuits.

I've been trying to encourage them to make their own breakfast at the weekend (so I can get a lie-in). My daughter manages this OK (only a light layer of rice-crispies left under-foot) but my son "forgets" and claims himself to be starving hungry when I make it downstairs...

AnnieO1234

My twenty eight month old has been encouraged all his life and does so every single day to take fruit from the bowl, or fridge (we have to open door for him) or from his drawer in the kitchen. There's nothing there that he can't eat, nothing that's going to mean he eats a bunch of crap either. I certainly would never want him being fearful of taking food, especially fruit, if he wanted it.

I am really conscious of LOs cousin who was never introduced to different foods and now literally at the age of 11 survives on crisps for breakfast, apple juice to drink, beef paste sandwiches at lunch and chicken nuggets with processed potato or fries. No veg, no fruit, no sweets except chocolate buttons.

If I knew there was something we needed later, say apples for apple sauce, I'd remove them from the fruit bowl to begin with.

Xx

[Deleted User]

It seems you need to judge according to circumstances. Is it difficult to get him to eat or difficult to stop him? Is he fat or thin? Is he taking healthy food or junk food? Is he leaving his meals or not? Is there a sibling getting jealous? Is anyone else having to go without?

I used to ask when I was younger, less so as I got older. My mum left us when I was 10, and I recall being much more independent at feeding myself after that. I was thin and picky as a child, so for the most part any urge to eat was encouraged. I can remember being rationed to 3 biscuits a day, and that stuck fast. Even by the age of 30 I used to pick biscuits out of the barrel no more than 3 at a time!

166million

I'd just be glad he wants to eat friut

ifonlyitwaseasier

we always had to ask, never really got told no unless it was just before dinnertime.

its just good manners surely?

balletshoes

Domayne wrote: »

Really? I find it great that she feels comfortable enough to do that. And also that she doesn't ask me to do it for her
but then I also have friends that I've been friends with for years and they still ask 'can I have a glass of water'
Maybe I just have no manners? I mean with people that I hardly know or strangers of course I would ask and say please/thank you...but with family and really good friends I find it a strange concept that they would need permission for these things?

So do you go to friends houses and fire up the grill without asking? i dont know anyone who does that, at my mums house i ask before preparing a meal for myself or my DD and would offer to cook for everyone in the house. I would stick the kettle on for a hot drink without asking and the biscuit/sweetie tin is fair game but kids are expected to ask before delving in there. fruit in the fruit bowl is for anyone ~ no permission needed.

barbarawright

There was once a thread from a woman who expected her children to buy between-meals food out of their pocket money. As long as nobody is doing that, I don't think anyone has a problem

dibuzz

My kids always asked when they were younger.
Even now at 25 my eldest will ask if its ok to have a certain thing or will tell me he's had something and we are getting low on it.
Youngest often has a late night snack when I'm in bed but won't use something if he thinks I have plans for it although nobody needs a packed lunch these days so he knows that cold meats and bread are fine to take.
My mum drives me mad though, she will go and make a cup of tea for herself but not ask if I want one. I'd never dream of doing that in her house.

Domayne

balletshoes wrote: »

So do you go to friends houses and fire up the grill without asking? i dont know anyone who does that, at my mums house i ask before preparing a meal for myself or my DD and would offer to cook for everyone in the house. I would stick the kettle pn for a hot drink without asking and the biscuit/sweetie tin is fair game but kids are expected to ask before delving in there. fruit in the fruit bowl is for anyone ~ no permission needed.

There are only 2 people I would do this with...but like I said we've been friends for years. The one who comes and make french toast - we've been friends since we were 7-8 (nearly 30 now) so I consider her more like family. She's also the kind that will just pick up your phone and start reading your texts and question you on everything..she doesn't have much of a barrier ^_^
If I asked my mum if I could prepare a meal she would probably look at me like I was crazy...I still live at home though so that might not count? Lol but my sister who doesn't comes back and still treats the place like she lives there, nobody really cares about stuff like that in my house. My dad only gets annoyed if you eat all of the purple sweets from the quality street because they are the only ones he likes