Neighbour problems

Noctu

Yes, how dare the OP complain about some kid screaming for hours on end and throwing rocks into their garden and at their children?

Sigh.

OP, I sympathise... Like others on this thread I suggest that you buy a LARGE, pot grown Leylandii (they take a while to establish once planted so get a really decent sized one). Several if needs be. If they have a problem with it they can go procreate with themselves.

Mojisola

Morrismorris wrote: »

Yes I will speak to the HV and if she gives me an ear full fair enough, I'd rather be told I'm wrong about a situation than do nothing

I would have to discuss the situation with the HV as well.

It is very hard to be the parent/carer 24/7 of a disabled child and not all parents in this situation can cope. I wouldn't ignore any child who was spending so long alone in the garden. If the parents aren't coping, the child will suffer and I wouldn't want to stand by and let that happen.

If the HV knows the family or makes enquiries and finds that the child is happier out of doors and alone, that's good. If the family are struggling and that's brought out in the open, it's got to be better for the child.

duchy

Unfortunately autism is an entirely different type of disability -and it isn't a case of "getting a child to behave". I lost count of the number of times I removed my son from a (public) situation to go outside and calm down in a quieter enviroment before returning so his reactions (autistic kids are often subject to sensory overload to noise and proximity) didn't disturb others.
If this child is not in school for normal school hours odds are his disability is either very severe or he's in mainstream school and can't cope even with support so is on limited hours. If the Mum has other kids as well maybe dropping in on the way home just as the other kids are getting home too wasn't the best time to pick for a bit of social bonding ? You probably aren't the first neighbour to ask her "to do something" about her child. As you have kids with issues yourself you've probably endured clueless remarks and thought ...."Don't you think if there was more I could do for my child I'd do it" too . Maybe that's how she interpreted your visit too especially if she knows you were likely to be impacted and was half expecting your knock at some point ...if not when she was trying to sort kids out, get their tea, changed, homework started- after school is usually nuts in most households and not ideal visiting time especially if she felt defensive anyway- after all when all is said and done you are complaining about her child.

Morrismorris

She has one child, so your scenario of my being a busybody neighbour interrupting tea time doesn't fit. Her son was outside she was indoors watching tv ( I saw on approach) I asked if I could do anything... For the umpteenth time, I didn't request SHE do anything. And I actually mainly asked about the fence which desperately needs replaced (and is hers)

However, you are going to read whatever you like into my posts and obviously have a chip on your shoulder about this type of thing.

surveyqueenuk

duchy wrote: »

The Mum has probably had to deal with parents who have the same kind of ideas that you have and has learned to avoid a certain type of parent - which she perceives you to be -possibly by the way she's seen you react to her child or because she fears you will complain to her and she'd prefer to not add confrontation to her already difficult life. It can be very isolating to be the parent of a child with behavour disabilities. You learn early on most parents are like you OP and don't "Get it"

I think a fence is a good idea....... for both of you. Maybe in time you will become aquainted but for now with your attitude and her disinclination the fence will probably help you both.

I'm really glad you weren't my neighbour when my son was growing up Belfastgirl although perhaps once I'd subjected you to an enforced lecture on what autism is and why autistic kids do certain things you wouldn't be quite so quick to decide I was a crepe parent !

Where on earth did Belfastgirl say you personally were a bad parent? She said that there MAY be some poor parenting going on with the OP's neighbours. We are not talking about ALL parents of disabled children here. We are talking about one particular case. Is OP meant to just put up with rocks being thrown at her kids? Is it really impossible to teach an autistic child not to throw rocks?

nai87_2

duchy, lets see you stand in their garden and let the child throw rocks at you.

i understand where you are coming from duchy there are so many disabilities out there it baffles you.

But at the end of the day, the mother should simply move the rocks or something so it cannot be picked up.

if i had an autistic child, and he was doing dangerous stuff like this, i would certainly remove the rocks!!!!!!!!!

nai87_2

may i also add, a rude attitude from the mother of the child goes to show she hasn't got a care for other peoples safety...

meritaten

I will probably get flamed for this - but it sounds to me like his parent has 'given up'. she doesn't want to know. she may be suffering depression.
You sound like a lovely person OP, you have been far more tolerant than I would have been. and I have a family with several members who suffer varying degrees of autism.
I agree you should do what you can to 'screen' your house and protect your children from thrown rocks etc. Higher fence, tall shrubs or small trees.
I cant help feeling for this child though and suspect you do too. all I can suggest is you monitor the situation. try to find out if he does go to school. (if he is at a 'special unit or school' they often get picked up by minibus or taxi and it will be at regular times). if he gets left outside, or in his room for long hours though I would be concerned. sound like he has very severe problems and I would have thought would need constant supervision - take note of this. we often assume that the 'authorities' know all about these kids.............that's dangerous, sometimes they don't.

nai87_2

She probably has given up meritaten... still doesn't mean u leave a child in a room full of weapons does it? In this case, a garden of rocks and 3 kids in the other garden waiting to be pummelled with glorious rocks. You still have the energy to remove harm.

Morrismorris

nai87 wrote: »

She probably has given up meritaten... still doesn't mean u leave a child in a room full of weapons does it? In this case, a garden of rocks and 3 kids in the other garden waiting to be pummelled with glorious rocks. You still have the energy to remove harm.

I got hubby to have a nosey through the fence the other day and he's says there is a pile of broken bricks laying there and a sort of what used to be rockery, so plenty of rocks to throw. (He was repairing a bit of fence so not sticky beaking as such)


It's 22.45 right now and going out to the garage to put stuff in the freezer the boy is at his window now. As soon as he sees me he starts banging. I feel awful really, I understand he might not sleep and it must be hard on his mum but I feel bad .

I think I'm thinking too much about this now. Husband says put up fence, garden house and trees and forget about it, it's none of our business, and maybe it's not. But if his mum is struggling and I do nothing.....